My Story Of How I Have Learned To Accept Myself

My Story Of How I Have Learned To Accept Myself

In May 2012, I started my page Support For Those Who Have Been Abused. I have already found emotional healing from the abuse and bullying I went through and I shared it on my page. There were things about me that I kept secret or tried to keep secret. One of those was my sensitivity and that I cried easily when I saw others who were sad. I was ashamed of that for years. The other was my desires and fascination with getting spanked and whipped. I never wanted to share about my desires and fascination with getting spanked and whipped because I felt that people would think less of me. I shared it because I had to. That was a part of me that I resented and hated about myself even though the Bible never called that a sin. The reason that I hated that about myself is because abusive spankings have triggered that. I have consented to being caned with a metal rod that left some nasty scars.

What lead me to share about that? Starting in 2011, someone took a picture of me changing clothes and revealed my scarred butt all over the internet by posting that picture in accounts he has opened in my name. That picture was taken about 5 months after I consented to getting whipped. I never gave him permission to take that picture and I never consented to him posting that on the internet. There are accounts in Google, Facebook, Twitter, and possibly others that have that picture in it. He friended all my friends and posted that picture. He opened accounts under "Adrienne Calmes", and "Dorothy Vankampen" along with accounts in my name. There may be others. He posted that picture on my pages and other pages that I have been involved with. There is no one who has not seen that picture that I know of. I tried to tell people that a heater caused that. It is obvious by that picture that the heater did not cause that. This was the beginning.

I have shared my story on my page and other pages as well. My family got a hold of that and it created many problems in the family because they didn't want to admit to the fact that my grandparents abused me. My family and relatives went into denial, only a couple talked about it. One uncle covered my back on that. The rest were against me. Later on there was a pending lawsuit. Prior to the pending of the lawsuit, the person who posted that picture got a $300.00 fine for harassment. Now that picture was no longer his responsibility. It became my responsibility because it was a picture of me. He is now under double jeopardy laws regarding that. That picture is now free for the public because of that. In order to get the lawsuit dropped, I had to disclose that I consented to getting whipped and that my grandparents where not responsible for those scars everywhere that the picture existed. I also had to disclose that on facebook and Google also.

Now this is no longer a secret, now it is public information. I was very uncomfortable because of that. Now that everyone knows about it, I might as well keep sharing about it. The more I shared about it, the easier it got. People have commented and encouraged me. It led to others talking about their involvement with that also. It was turning from a curse into a blessing. My revealing the desires and fascination with getting spanked has freed me from having to keep secrets, it has helped me to accept that part of myself and not be ashamed of it. The more I posted about that, the more I was able to be at peace with who I am. I am sure it has freed others as well. This is another example of how God can take bad things that happen to us and turn it around for good. Had that picture never been posted on the internet, everything would still be a secret and I would have never got to a point where I was able to accept myself for who I am.

For all those who have supported me through that time when that picture was being posted and those who encouraged me when I had to publicly disclose that, I would like to thank you greatly. I would have never got through that without you. Thank all of you for supporting me through that. I would have never been set free if it were not for you.

Rodney Calmes