Things To Know If You Are Being Bullied At Work

Things To Know If You Are Being Bullied At Work

Whenever you go to work, give it your best. Do the best that you know how and know that God is pleased if you are doing that. No matter what others do to you or how they treat you, do not lose heart. You doing the best you can is a witness. Do your work as if you are doing it for God because you are working for God. Those who mistreat you will have to answer to God for that. Your diligence will prove you to be better than those who mistreat you and your ultimate reward is from God in heaven.

Rodney Calmes

Don't Get Sucked Into Bullying At Work

Don't Get Sucked Into Bullying At Work

More times than not bosses bully employees. Many times they will pick out the weakest link and center their bullying on that person. You may have been their target for many years and then a new person comes along. They may be good to that person for a while and then find out that the person is a little slower than others and they turn on them.

Bosses may use tactics of buttering you up even if you have been their target for a long time and tell you that you are doing a good job, then they will slip in some negative comments about their new target employee and stir you against them. You will find that all the other employees call that person names and have nothing good to say about that person. Other employees will also try to get you bully that person. The other employees will butter you up and make negative comments about that person. The temptation to go along with that is easy. Doing the right thing puts yourself at risk of getting fired and/or getting ridiculed and bullied by other employees and your boss. It is easy to take part in the bullying when you are not the one getting bullied. Don't fall into that. If you catch yourself falling into that, stop. Do the right thing. Be kind to the person and encourage them.

Remember that you are not working for your boss, you are working for God. God will not be pleased with bullying. God will be pleased when you are encouraging people and building them up even if it is not the popular thing to do.

God bless,
Rodney Calmes

Tips For Finding A Good Loving Spouse

Tips For Finding A Good Loving Spouse

There is nothing that is fool proof. There are no 100% guarantees, but these tips can help.

1. Trust in God.

2. Pray and engage your partner in prayer.

3. They will treat you very well in the beginning and you will be romanced and you will feel loved.

4. Very carefully observe how they treat their parents and their families. Do they react abusively or with kindness?

5. Very carefully observe how they react toward others. Do they show compassion? Do they care? What if a see a stranger lose a loved one, how do they react to that? Do they show compassion or do they not care?

6. How about their relationship with God? Is that a priority in their lives?

7. How do they react when things go wrong? Do they accept responsibility? Do they blame every one else?

Watch these things very carefully. Do not rush into anything. I am praying for all of you because I do not want to see any of you being abused. I want to see every one of you being treated with love and kindness.

Rodney Calmes

PTSD, Triggers And Flashbacks

PTSD, Triggers And Flashbacks

Have you ever had something that was said or done that you witnessed that caused you to start shaking uncontrollably and ready to cry or end up crying for a long period of time?

This is what happens to me when I witness something that triggers the memories of getting spanked with a stick on my bare butt. I experienced that when another kid got spanked on the bare butt. I also experience that when I see someone taking a paddle to their kid. I also experience that when someone is intensely yelling at their kids.

Have you ever had thoughts of the abuse at random?

I have at least thoughts of the severe bare butt spankings I took several times a day. Sometimes random flashbacks occur. These things happen when I would do something that had nothing to do with abuse. I could be working on a car and have thoughts like that. I would completely dwell on something different and thoughts would hit me at random. I have made peace with that so I am not greatly effected by that and not very disturbed by it. It took me a long time to get to this point. I would have never got there if I would have not forgiven my abusers. Trusting God that He would work all that out for good also helps a great deal. Without that trust in God, I would still be disturbed by those thoughts.

How about flashbacks? Have you ever had them?

Many of my flashbacks would be much more disturbing because in my flashbacks, I would be in a car on the side of the road watching my grandparents ruthlessly spanking a 4 year old kid with a stick that was a 3 foot long 1x2 stick. I would watch this kid scream in agony and me in the car could do nothing. It would cause me to cry and be very saddened because I could not watch another kid be treated like that. I cannot watch that happen to any kid. It is better for it to happen to me than someone else. I would find out that the kid was me. This would be like a movie going on inside my head. When I get experiences like that, I would have to pray and remind myself that I forgave my abusers and the people that I was able to help because of what I went through. I would also get dreams like that as well. When these things happen, I would be doing something that would have nothing to do with it. These things just happen out of the blue even when my mind is completely off of it.

If you have had experiences like that, or still struggle with it, I would like to pray for you.

Rodney Calmes

There Is No Remission For Sin Without The Shedding Of Blood Heb 9:22

There Is No Remission For Sin Without The Shedding Of Blood Heb. 9:22 There is no remission for sin without the shedding of blood. That is written in Hebrews 9:22. The church has taught that. The church has applied this to child discipline since 300 AD. Kids were being spanked until they bled. Whips were used on children and large sticks and paddles. I, myself have been spanked until blood seeped through my skin. It is senseless to do that. My experience is that I felt only the first few swats then my butt was numbed for the rest. Because of the damage I received, it was not long before spankings like that would no longer sting. To this very day, someone could break a stick by hitting my butt with it and I would only feel a very light tingle. The spankings I got not only traumatized me, but also became very ineffective because I would hardly feel anything because of that damage done from previous spankings. When I started to desire spankings at age 8, then they promoted my bad behavior rather than deter it. What the church has neglected was to read the whole chapter rather than just the verse. Reading the whole chapter makes absolutely no indication about child discipline. This chapter talks about the blood of Jesus Christ that needed to be shed for once and for all for the remission for all sins of all times. It is very clear that there no longer is a sacrifice for sins. Jesus paid it all. There are scriptures that deal with child discipline. Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares his rod hates his son. But he who loves his son disciplines him promptly". When we study the Hebrew in this verse, we see that the rod can have a physical or symbolic definition. The rod is using what is effective on your children.  Some children can be spanked all day and it does nothing for them.  It is not a rigid object like the English word would portray. This shows that using rigid and damaging objects is a bad thing.  Children do not know what God's will is, they have to be taught. Children are learning, this means that we cannot beat them with many stripes. Scripture must be taken in context. Shedding blood on children cannot be justified. Bruising children cannot be justified. Any time you bruise a child or draw blood on them, you have abused them. Causing harm to a child is wrong. What about bare butt spankings? I have not seen any scriptures about making kids pull their pants down or exposing their bare butts to get spanked. There are no scriptures to condone this practice. From my experience with that is that I felt degraded when I got old enough to understand modesty. I felt violated by that. I also felt humiliated. My modesty was not respected. Our goal is to teach and instruct our children and to bring repentance, not to humiliate and degrade our children. Bare butt spankings made me feel like I was less of a person. I was afraid to tell someone that I got bare butt spankings. I felt that people would think less of me because of that. Ephesians 6:4 "do not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.". Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged.". Our purpose is to teach and instruct our children, not to take our anger out on them. We are not to pour out our wrath on them, we are to teach them and do only what is necessary to teach them and bring repentance. There is nothing in there about humiliating them or degrading them. There is nothing in there about harming them. We are to discipline them with respect for them and respect for their bodies, not to damage their bodies. Degrading them and humiliating them is not respecting them. Compromising modesty is also degrading and disrespectful. Our children is broken enough when they are reprimanded, so it is very important to reassure our love for them after the discipline. There is nothing wrong with the child. There is something wrong with the sin. God created our children and us very carefully and we were all created in His image. There is nothing wrong with you as a person. There is nothing wrong with the child as a person. There is something wrong with the sin. Never tell a child "what is wrong with you? " instead, tell them "what is wrong with what you did?" By that, you are attacking the sin and not the person. Psalms 139:14 "I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made". Build your child up but tear down the sin. God made your child a beautiful person and carefully gave your child his/her wisdom and personalities which are to be loved and cherished.

Rodney Calmes

Whips Cannot Hurt You! Sticks Cannot Hurt You!

Whips Cannot Hurt You! Sticks Cannot Hurt You!

I have a whip at home. Is is a very stiff whip with a slightly flexible end on it. What does that whip do? I can stare at it and it just sits there. I can stare at it, I can walk around my house. I can sleep in the same room that the whip is in and what has it done? It just sat there. I have no reason to be afraid of it. Sticks work the same way.

Whips and sticks do absolutely nothing. It is the person using it that hurts people. It is the person who hurt you, it is the person who hurt me, not the whip or stick. People hurt people, not objects. People use objects to hurt and abuse people. Don't be afraid of the whip or stick. Stay away from the person who hurt you with it.

The whip I have has been a very useful tool. I found it on my property in Michigan. That whip was very useful for blazing a trail to the river by cutting down high grasses. It did a better job than my weed eater. My weed eater kept plugging up, things went twice as fast with the whip. At that time, that whip never hurt anyone. It was the best tool for the job. The whip was good.

I still have that whip and I have never used it on another person or animal and I will never use it on another person or animal.

Rodney Calmes

Repentance Can Go A Long Way, Reverse Repentance Can Do More Damage Than If There Were No Repentance

Repentance Can Go A Long Way, Reverse Repentance Can Do More Damage Than If There Were No Repentance

After I have lived with my grandparents, I lived with my mother and step dad. My mother married my dad's brother. At first, I got hit on my hands with a stick one time. I was also hit in the head once also. My mother addressed that and told him that if he was going to hit us to hit us on the butt. I was spanked with a stick and when I had to pull my pants down and get spanked with a stick, my mother addressed that too.

My step dad took parenting classes and learned that the way he was treating us was wrong. He repented and he changed his ways. I was able to overlook the bad things he has done and I had a great deal of respect for him for the changes he has made. I understand how he was raised because I lived with my grandparents and I got spanked with a stick by them until I could no longer feel that stick hitting my butt. My grandparents gave spankings like that for every little thing.

I was very happy at home after my step dad took parenting classes. He treated me like I was his very own. I ended up calling him dad. He was a very good father figure to me. At that time I felt very loved at home.

When I was 19, my mother and step dad got divorced. My step dad started to date other women. He spent a lot less time with me and my brother. I lived with him when I was going to college and sometimes would not see him for days. He met a woman with a child and the woman and her child ended up living with us. The child did not like a lot of foods. The child had trouble eating foods that he did not like.

My step dad came up with a solution. Supper time would be at 5pm. We all ate at that time. When we were done eating, the timer came out and was set for 10 minutes. If the kid did not have his food finished, my step dad made him pull his pants down and spanked his bare butt. The timer got set for another 10 minutes and then another bare butt spanking. This would go on until bedtime at 8:30. When bedtime came, he was force fed and if he gagged or any food came out of his mouth, my step dad swatted him in the head hard enough where his head hit the table. This went on for many months. I was greatly disheartened watching this. I realized that my step dad did not care about the fact that what he was doing was wrong. I also realized that had my mother not gotten in the way, I would have been treated the same way regardless if it was right or wrong. I could not concentrate on my homework and became depressed. I did poorly in college because of that and I ended up getting kicked out. I feel after seeing the way that the kid was being treated that I would have been better off if I were treated like that than to see the false repentance. I lost a lot of respect for my step dad because of that and was deeply hurt.

After that, he met another woman and marries her. He gives me a note asking me not to call him dad any more. That was icing on the cake. It felt like a death in the family. I was 29 when I received that letter. It took a long time to get through that.

He now divorced that woman and got back together with my mother and now he shows remorse, but can I trust that after what I saw? What if something happens to my mother? I will never again call him dad. I can't feel that he is real. I would have been better off if he never repented than to see this unfold. I get along with him and I do not hate him, but it is very hard for me to trust him.

Rodney Calmes

Spankings With Blunt Force Or Over Spanking Can Create Many Complications Even If It Happens Only Once

Spankings With Blunt Force Or Over Spanking Can Create Many Complications Even If It Happens Only Once

I have been spanked many times with large sticks. It has caused me many problems. It may have effected my social skills which has led to much bullying in school. It was very hard to deal with emotionally to the point where I could never talk about my emotions. I even became ashamed of my emotions. It caused me to desire spankings starting at age 8.

I also had to pull my pants down and get a spanking on my bare butt with a stick. This can also trigger involuntary sexual experiences. This may have been the beginning of my desires to get spanked. There may be many people who have been spanked like that and completely abhor the desire to get spanked. They may completely hate the idea. That does not mean that sexual experiences have not been triggered. The excessive force from a large stick or large paddle hitting the butt suddenly forces blood into near by areas, along with the extreme and damaging pain travelling to those areas. Many people may not be aware that they have had involuntary sexual experiences from extreme spankings as a child. They may or may not get into spankings as an adult.

When engaging in casual sexual activity, it could trigger flashbacks of the brutal spankings they took. I have had this experience, where I commonly got flashbacks of the bare butt spankings I took. Flashbacks will always occur. If it happens during sexual activity, it may cause a person to withdrawal from it, which may have a large effect on a marriage. When there are non sexual stimuli to flashbacks, it may cause a person to completely avoid the activity. Example: if a person was abused with a golf club, they may avoid golfing all together. If they were whipped with a fishing pole, they may avoid fishing.

If you want to have a normal life, the only thing you can do is to make peace with your past, not avoid it, but accept it and forgive those who wronged you. You may have flashbacks your whole life and you also have to make peace with that too. When I am ministering to others, it helps me that when I get flashbacks, I am able to remind myself that had I not gone through that, I would not have been able to help others either. Also reminding myself that I forgave those who wronged me is also a big help in dealing with flashbacks. You will never get rid of flashbacks, so it is very necessary to make peace with them.

Rodney Calmes

"I Love You" Can Be Meaningless When Love Is Not Practiced

"I Love You" Can Be Meaningless When Love Is Not Practiced

Many parents tell their children "I love you". Kids need to know that they are loved. Kids need to be loved. Many times kids are not being loved. When a kid is not being loved, "I love you" is meaningless. A child is not being loved when a parent gives them a physical punishment with no regard to the physical damage that they are doing to their children or no regard to their child's health or not caring about the damage they may cause. Severe spankings with large sticks is not love. Getting hit on the hands with sticks is not love. Getting hit in the head is not love. When a child brings to the parent's attention of the possibility of the parent killing them by hitting them in the head and the parent responds "I don't care, I am going to do it anyway! ", that is not love. Your words "I love you" are meaningless. When you tell a child "I love you" then tell a child "why don't you go play in the street and get hit by a car", "I love you" is meaningless.

When you tell a child "I love you" and show them love, it means a lot. Discipline shows love. When you discipline a child in a way that shows respect to their bodies and their health, that is love. Anger does not show love but instruction and reassurance of you love for them after the discipline shows love.

Cutting a person down is not love. When you tell a child "I love you" and then call them "stupid" or other bad names or tell them that they are worthless and useless, "I love you" means nothing.

Exploiting a child, degrading them, making them expose themselves and giving bare butt spankings is not love. When you do this and tell them "I love you", that is meaningless.

Respecting a child's privacy and dignity is showing love. You can discipline children without degrading them. It is better to use harsher instruments to spank with than to make them expose themselves by spanking their bare butt. I am not condoning using harsh instruments. Producing a sting without causing harm or making them expose their butt is sufficient.

All things should be done with respect, instruction, and regard to the child's dignity and modesty. All instruction should be constructive. It should also be made clear that it is the misbehavior that is being punished, not their person.

Rodney Calmes

Bare Butt Spankings Are Crude And Indecent

Bare Butt Spankings Are Crude And Indecent

Many of us have been spanked as children. Blunt force or spankings with blunt objects causes many problems. Making a child pull their pants down to get spanked, thus making them expose themselves is very humiliating and degrading. It shows no respect for their modesty and it shows no respect for the child. The way I see it, any act of making a child expose themselves is sexual abuse.

If you are having a child remove clothes to bathe them, or do just what is necessary to take care of them, then it is not abuse. Making a child expose themselves to get spanked is abuse.

The object of discipline is to teach, guide and correct a child. It is not to degrade or humiliate the child.

Rodney Calmes

Spankings With Blunt Force Or Over Spanking Can Create Many Complications Even If It Happens Only Once

I have been spanked many times with large sticks. It has caused me many problems. It may have effected my social skills which has led to much bullying in school. It was very hard to deal with emotionally to the point where I could never talk about my emotions. I even became ashamed of my emotions. It caused me to desire spankings starting at age 8. I also had to pull my pants down and get a spanking on my bare butt with a stick. This can also trigger involuntary sexual experiences. This may have been the beginning of my desires to get spanked. There may be many people who have been spanked like that and completely abhor the desire to get spanked. They may completely hate the idea. That does not mean that sexual experiences have not been triggered.

The excessive force from a large stick or large paddle hitting the butt suddenly forces blood into near by areas, along with the extreme and damaging pain travelling to those areas. Many people may not be aware that they have had involuntary sexual experiences from extreme spankings as a child. They may or may not get into spankings as an adult. When engaging in casual sexual activity, it could trigger flashbacks of the brutal spankings they took. I have had this experience, where I commonly got flashbacks of the bare butt spankings I took. Flashbacks will always occur. If it happens during sexual activity, it may cause a person to withdrawal from it, which may have a large effect on a marriage.

When there are non sexual stimuli to flashbacks, it may cause a person to completely avoid the activity. Example: if a person was abused with a golf club, they may avoid golfing all together. If they were whipped with a fishing pole, they may avoid fishing. If you want to have a normal life, the only thing you can do is to make peace with your past, not avoid it, but accept it and forgive those who wronged you. You may have flashbacks your whole life and you also have to make peace with that too.

When I am ministering to others, it helps me that when I get flashbacks, I am able to remind myself that had I not gone through that, I would not have been able to help others either. Also reminding myself that I forgave those who wronged me is also a big help in dealing with flashbacks. You will never get rid of flashbacks, so it is very necessary to make peace with them.

Rodney Calmes

Spankings Can Be A Reward Rather Than A Punishment With Some Kids

Spankings Can Be A Reward Rather Than A Punishment With Some Kids

Many parents will try to curb misbehavior by spanking with blunt force or using blunt objects to spank with. This can trigger involuntary sexual experiences in a child. A person does not have to be an adult or an adolescent to experience this. This type of thing happens because the butt is an erogenous zone. The nerves in the butt are connected to the nerves in the genitals. When extreme pain is experienced, that pain travels to the genitals along with the sudden blunt force forcing blood into the genitals. When this happens, the person experiences sexual experiences. Some have reported recalling being aroused by spankings at as early as age 6. Some reports were made of boys as early as age 4 having erections after getting spanked, which most of them do not recall the actual experience. Once you have triggered these involuntary sexual experiences, you have created a desire for spankings in those kids. Spankings now become a reward rather than a punishment.

You may spank a kid then notice an increase of that misbehavior rather than a decrease. The kid may in his way try to encourage you to spank him/her harder. They may ask for spankings. They may choose spankings over other non physical punishments. They may spank themselves. Or they may talk about spankings very frequently. TAKE NOTE IF YOU SEE YOUR CHILD DO ANY OF THESE THINGS.

Once a person desires spankings, they are no longer useful for curbing bad behavior. Spankings will now enhance bad behavior. I, myself have desired spankings since age 8. It more addictive than crack cocaine. Those desires will never go away, even if you never spank your child again.

I have been very reluctant to talk about this until this year. I was afraid of what others might think. I now opened up because I thought it necessary for 3 reasons. To get people to stop judging others for their differences. To get people to understand that there may be reasons for others to have differences and to get people to accept the differences of others and love one another for who they are. The third is to let you know that if you like to be spanked or have other differences, it is ok for you to be you. You do not have to be ashamed of who you are.

Rodney Calmes