Did I Choose This?

Did I Choose This?

When I was growing up, I was spanked with a stick until I could no longer feel that stick hitting my butt. Those became very painful memories for me. Why were these such painful memories when I desired to be spanked like that starting at age 8? Why did I desire that? Why did I go through adolescence thinking about and fantasizing about being spanked? I did not understand. I wanted to be "normal". I did not want to be like that. I was ashamed of who I am. I thought there was something wrong with me.

I spanked myself many times and consented to being whipped leaving many huge scars. I asked God to take these desires away from me, He did not. God had something to teach me from this. I searched the Bible through and through and found nothing in it that dealt with these desires. The Bible taught me that anything consentual between husband and wife was ok except for Sodomy. I researched the laws and found that anything consentual between 2 adults was legal. In psychology they call it an alternative lifestyle, not a disorder. I could not find anything that said it was wrong.

Based on my research on this, I have found that those desires came from the severe spankings I took as a child. Those spankings have triggered involuntary sexual experiences that I did not recall having. I recall having those when I spanked myself. I realize that I would have never had those desires if I had not been spanked severely as a child.

I now know that those desires are a part of me. It is a part of who I am today. God taught me that if the Bible does not condemn it as a sin, it is ok to embrace it. God taught me to accept myself for who I am and I only need to repent of any known sin. I was taught through this not to judge others but to accept their differences. I was also taught to restore others and approach them gently of sin rather than being judgmental and condemning. If their differences are not sinful then accept them for who they are and accept their differences. I realize now that through this God has made me a better person.

This is for everyone. Those who have never desired spankings may not understand this. I am writing this for everyone to be more understanding and accepting of others no matter who they are and what they like.

God bless you
Rodney Calmes