The Importance of Teaching Our Children and Working With Them vs. Just Punishing Them For Not Getting It

The Importance of Teaching Our Children and Working With Them vs. Just Punishing Them For Not Getting It
 
When we discipline children, it is best to explain what they did wrong, and also what they can do right to avoid discipline. Not only should we explain what they should do right, but also how they can do it right. If they are not getting it, we need to take the time to explain it to them at their level so that they do get it, rather than punishing them for it. I will give a make believe example to illustrate an example of abuse to a child.

A person gives a 4 year old kid a job, and that kid’s job is to do a head gasket on a car and get the car running right. Every time that kid messes up on the head gasket job, he gets spanked. The spanking itself may not leave cuts or bruises or physical harm, but the kid continues to mess up and get spanked every day until he is 9. The person spanking the kid explains to the kid that he got spanked for messing up the head gasket job, and also tells the kid that if he does the head gasket job correctly, he will not get spanked. The kid keeps messing up even though he knows he would not get spanked if he does it correctly. The kid finally gets it done correctly at age 9 and does not get spanked.

That kid who had to do the head gasket job knew all the long that if he did it right, he would not get spanked. The person in charge thought he was doing well by spanking him every time he messed up. The kid eventually learned after getting discouraged from getting spanked every day. The kid lost all confidence, and gave up in his mind. The kid adapted to getting spanked every day, and accept that as a part of his life. The kid got to the point that he does not care any more, because he was going to get spanked anyway. When he finally figured out how to do the job correctly and does it correctly, he had been spanked every day for 5 straight years. THE PERSON IN CHARGE NEVER SHOWED THAT KID HOW TO DO THE JOB CORRECTLY IN THE FIRST PLACE. AFTER MUCH DISCOURAGEMENT AND REPEATED SPANKINGS, THE KID FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT FOR HIMSELF AFTER 5 YEARS. NOW THAT KID IS EXTREMELY RESENTFUL FOR HOW HE HAS BEEN TREATED, VERY DISCOURAGED, AND HAS NO CONFIDENCE, ALONG WITH FEELING LIKE HIS CARE TAKER DOES NOT LOVE HIM OR EVEN CARE ABOUT HIM. THERE IS MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN STORED UP IN HIM, AND HE FEELS LIKE HE IS WORTHLESS AND USELESS.

This example I have shared is what many schools have practiced when they accused kids who were not getting it of not paying attention and punishing them for it. Instead of working with the kid and helping him understand and making sure they understand, they punish him, and that kid keeps getting punished on a daily basis. In my day, that punishment came in the form of spankings. These kids keep getting more and more discouraged, and end up misbehaving because they feel that they are going to get punished anyway. They also quit trying in school because no one took the time to work with them and help them, so they got discouraged. The kid would come home and would get punished again at home for the same thing, which brings even more discouragement, and lack of confidence to be able to do it. I myself have experienced this. I got to the point where I did not care anymore. I got to the point of not trying because I tried and could not get it anyway, so I gave up. I am sharing my experiences and how I have felt because of this. I did finally catch on to the point of not being spanked daily at age 9, and at age 11, I caught on to how to do school, and I often did not so good on the first quarter because I had to learn the teacher, then after that did much better.

We need to work with our kids and take the time to teach them, help them and explain things to them, and keep being persistent with them until they understand. This takes time and patience, and if we want our children to thrive, we must do this. Punishing them ultimately for not understanding, and accusing them of not paying attention does not do any good, it only does harm. I also consider that being lazy as well. Not all kids learn at the same level, so we must get to their level and teach them rather than punishing them for not being at your level.

When you take the time to teach a child and explain things to them at their level and work with them until they get it, that will be a great encouragement to the child and will build that child up rather than tear them down. The child will feel more loved and more confident and it would encourage them to try even harder rather than discouraging them. The child will also do much better at their tasks when the are getting it.


Rodney Calmes