How You Were Treated Has No Reflection Of Who You Are.

How You Were Treated Has No Reflection Of Who You Are. 

You may have been beaten and the abuser blames you.   You may have been called names and the abuser says it is your fault.   The abuser takes his/her anger out on you and the abuser says that you caused it.  The abuser belittles you in front of people and says that it is you.

None of those things has any reflection of you.  It has nothing to do with who you are.   What they did to you has everything to do with who they are.  It is those who treated you like that who are low.  They reveal who they are by how they treat you.   God sees it all and nothing escapes Him. 

What they did to you,  they also did to God.  See Matt. 25:31-46. 

Here are things that have a reflection of who you are:

1.  The love and kindness you show people.

2.  How you care for people.

3.  How compassionate you are towards others.

4.  How you treat people. 

5.  Are you there for people when they need you?

These are all things that have a reflection of who you are.   When you love people,  treat them with kindness and compassion,  when you are there when someone needs you,  it proves you to be a great person.  What you do to others,  you do to God.

I love all of you and I will pray for you.  

Rodney Calmes

You Don't Have To Be "Normal"

You Don't Have To Be "Normal"

Have you ever tried to be normal?   Do you have differences that doesn't seem normal?   Do you find yourself trying to change because you are not like other people? 

I have struggled with that for years.   I have a lot of things about me that is different.   Some of those things came from my childhood environment,  many of those things are just the way God created me.   Some were choices I have made good or bad. 

I was told that I had something wrong with me.   I was bullied throughout my childhood.  I knew that I was not like everyone else.  I tried to be like everyone else because I was ashamed of who I was.  I could not be myself when I tried to be "normal".  For years I tried to be someone I was not.   I made being "normal" my priority and that lead me in the wrong direction. 

Romans 12:2  "be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove that what is good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

By this,  I have learned that it is ok to be different and it is ok to not be normal.  I can be myself,  the person God created me to be.

You don't have to try to be normal.   You don't have to try to be like everyone else.   Be yourself,  be the person God created you to be.   It is ok to be different.  Change things that are sinful.   Change things that hurt other people.   If what you are doing is not sinful or hurtful to others,  embrace in it.  

The main thing is to love God and to love people and treat them with kindness,  compassion and grace.  Treating people with love,  kindness,  compassion and grace is by far more important than being normal.   How you treat other people shows who you are. 

I am not normal and I like it that way.   Be the person God created you to be no matter how different it is.   Love and kindness is far greater than normal.

Rodney Calmes

You Are Not "Damaged Goods"

You Are Not "Damaged Goods"

Many times our society looks at us as survivors of abuse,  bullying, rape or molestation as "damaged goods".  I am going to tell you reasons why we as survivors are not "damaged goods".

The abuse we faced May have had bad effects on us.  We may have suffered depression, anxiety,  PTSD, and other complications.  We may have suffered deep wounds that we may not see any chance of healing.  I myself can testify that there is hope.  I have survived,  I may not be perfect,  but I can testify that I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through that myself. 

Most of us have survived abuse and have decided to break the cycle.  That in itself says a lot about you.   Our compassion for others who face pain has grown,  we would not have had that compassion otherwise.  There are going to be people's lives changed because we had the compassion on them and cared to be there for them when they were in pain, that act of kindness may save their lives.  I can testify that it happened to me.  One act of kindness means a lot to someone,  especially those who have been hurt.  We have become better people.  You are a better person.

You are not "damaged goods".  You have survived,  and grown as a person. When you trust God,  He will heal you,  and will cause you to accomplish the greatest things because of what you have survived.  You will find out that you would never have been able to accomplish those things had you not survived it yourself.  What Satan tries to damage, God makes whole. 

Don't give up.  Don't look at yourself as "damaged goods" but look at yourself as a survivor and know that you will thrive through Christ who has died for us and has risen and renews us. 

Rodney Calmes

Love Is The Greatest Thing Of All

Love Is The Greatest Thing Of All

Many of us have been treated poorly, we were told that we were stupid,  we were told that we were worthless,  we have been belittled,  and we had people be mean to us.  Those people made us believe that we were stupid and worthless.   They made us believe that it was our fault.   Later on,  they deny ever treating us like that and they further abuse us.

We may have felt that those who abused us were smarter than us, or they had a better appearance than us.  They appear to be greater than we are.   I have something to tell you about that.

Those people who abused us lack love.  When you chose not to treat others the way you were treated,  it took love to make that change.  When you had compassion on other people who went through what you did,  that took love.  God has given each of you a measure of wisdom that He saw fit and what is sufficient for you.  God has loved you even when those who abused you didn't.  God loved you enough to die on a cross for you.   God created you in His image.  You are precious.   God has created you with the ability to love.

When you have shown love by not treating others the way you were treated, or had compassion on those who have been treated like you have,  it shows that you have the greatest thing a person can have and that is love.   Love accomplishes greater things than rocket science.   Love gives you more beauty than appearance.  Love conquers evil.  Your love and compassion shows what kind of person you are.   People like you who have love and compassion toward others shows you to be greater than the ones who mistreated you because you have something that they don't,  you have love.  

God will use people like you to accomplish great things and those things get accomplished through love, kindness and compassion.  

Your love and kindness toward others is what makes you beautiful people.   Never forget that.

see 1 Corinthians 13

I am praying for every one of you.

Rodney Calmes

How To Hide Your Internet Accounts With Using Your Legal Name

How To Hide Your Internet Accounts With Using Your Legal Name

In a lot of cases when you have stalkers, you will have to close down all your old accounts and open new ones.

It is illegal to open any kind of internet accounts using a false name.  Legally that is considered falsifying information.  You must register all accounts using your real name.  You can use nick names as user names.  This can cause problems for those who are being stalked by abusers.

The ways out:  Most of you have a middle name and there is nothing illegal about using initials or abbreviating names.  For example, let's assume your name was Thomas George Torino, you can use T George Tor as an abbreviation to your name to start an account.  Another way to hide from google searches,  you can use Th0m@s G€0rg€ T0r1n0.  It still represents your name,  but using characters that look close to letters in your name can help hide yourself from stalkers.

After opening your accounts,  do what you can to block your stalkers.

There is nothing 100% fool proof, but using techniques like this can greatly help.

If any of you are dealing with stalkers, I will pray for you.

Good luck with this!

Rodney Calmes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

Mistakes are something all of us have made.  Some of the mistakes we have made are sins, some of them are not.  We are all human and we all make mistakes.   No one is perfect and we can never be expected to be perfect.

Many times abusers will expect us to be perfect.  When we make a mistake,  they are like bad cops and they will abuse us for it.   They belittle us for making a mistake,  they may beat us for it and they have a way to make us feel inadequate and worthless for it.

We find ourselves walking on egg shells and being afraid to make a mistake.  When we make a mistake, we tremble in fear.  Based on how we were treated, we condition ourselves to think we are worthless and inadequate because of our mistakes.   We look at every mistake we make and we end up belittling ourselves for it.   We have a hard time forgiving ourselves because our abusers never forgave us and continued to harp on us for our mistakes.  We convince ourselves that the abuse was right for us.

We forget that Jesus has died on a cross for our sins and mistakes and He sees us as spotless and without blemish.   He has forgiven our mistakes.   We are seen as perfect in the eyes of God because of what Jesus has done for us.  I am not my mistakes.   You are not your mistakes.

Our mistakes is not something to get down on ourselves for.  Our mistakes do not make us worthless or inadequate.  Our mistakes do not define us as to who we are.  Our mistakes serve as a tool for us to learn and they become stepping stones as we continually grow as people.  We have to continually train ourselves to think this way. We need to take our mistakes as lessons learned and turn from them and LEAVE OUR MISTAKES BEHIND,  THEY ARE NOT A PART OF US.   If you have to repeatedly tell yourself this, do it.  Forgive yourself because God has already forgiven you.

We need to get out of the train of thought that our mistakes make us worthless and inadequate.  We need to get out of the train of thought that abuse is right for us because of a mistake we make.   We need to train ourselves to see our mistakes as lessons learned and stepping stones as we grow.  

Most important of all, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND LEAVE YOUR MISTAKES BEHIND. 

Rodney Calmes

Scars From Abuse Appear To Be Very Ugly, But In The End They Become A Beautiful Thing

Scars From Abuse Appear To Be Very Ugly,  But In The End They Become A Beautiful Thing

Many of us carry physical scars and emotional scars from abuse.  Those scars can be from the abuse itself,  some physical scars can come from self harm or other things that we get involved with which may have been a complication of abuse. 

We may see our scars and it reminds us of the horrible abuse we went through.  Every day we see them in the mirror and many tears have been shed.  We look at them and say that they are horrible.  We ask God to help us.  We carry deep pain. 
I will tell you that someday, those scars will remind you of the great things you have done in the lives of others if you trust God that He would work out those things for good.  God will cause you to do great things.  You will look at those scars and those scars will show you the compassion you have had on other people because of the abuse you went through.  Those scars will show you how many people you have helped.   Without those scars,  you would not have been able to help those people.  Those scars will remind you of the great things you have done and you will say "they are beautiful".

I can tell you for myself that I have accumulated physical scars from abuse and the complications of abuse.  I used to look at them and it created horrible memories for me.  I can now look at them in a mirror and they remind me of the 4 lives that were saved from suicide.  My scars remind me of the people I have helped.   They remind me of those who were helped that I don't know about,  now I can say that they are beautiful.  

Never give up hope.  Never think that you are ugly because of those scars.  You are beautiful people,  scars and all.

Rodney Calmes

Look How Far You Have Come

Look How Far You Have Come

Many of you have been told that you are worthless and that you will never amount to anything,  or you may have been treated that way. You may feel that you will never accomplish anything,  I am now going to show you that these things are all lies. 

I am going to tell you what you have accomplished.   You may have been brought up with bad parents who taught you abuse or you may have been neglected.  You may have been abused by a spouse.  You survived that!  That itself is a major accomplishment.   You have acknowledged what happened to you,  that is a major accomplishment.  You would not be on this page or in this group if you were still in denial. 

Most of you know that the abuse that happened to you is wrong,  that is a major accomplishment.  You are making a choice not to abuse other people.  You are making steps to become a better parent for your children,  from where you came from,  that itself is a great accomplishment. 

You people are making great steps forward.  Think about the compassion you have for people because you don't want someone else to get hurt like you have,  that compassion has grown you as a person.  You have developed a love and kindness toward people.  Anytime you show love and kindness toward someone,  you changed a life, think of that as an accomplishment.

You don't know how many lives will be changed or even saved because of people like you.  Keep this in mind. 

When you see the scars on your body from abuse,  remind yourself what you have accomplished and when you see lives changed, remind yourself that those scars changed people's lives.  Remind yourself that lives can be saved because of your scars.  Don't be ashamed of them, it is a symbol of the great accomplishments you have made and the accomplishments you will make in the future. 

You are more important than you think.  You are more significant than you think and you have accomplished much more than you think.

Rodney Calmes 

What To Do When We Encounter Triggers And Flashbacks

What To Do When We Encounter Triggers And Flaskbacks

Whenever we go through a traumatic event in our lives,  memory triggers and flashbacks occur.  Sometimes it can be several times a day.  This is the devil's way of robbing us from our joy.

Whenever you have a memory trigger or a flashback,  take it to God in prayer.  Vent that to Him.  Many times He leads us to remind ourselves that we have forgiven our abusers or if we have not forgiven them,  He will help lead us to forgiveness.  He also leads us to remind ourselves of the other people we may have been there for or helped. God may show us that if we have not gone through it ourselves that we would not be able to understand what they are going through.  We would never have been able to help that other person.

You may not know this,  but people are being blessed because of people like you.  Once you see that,  it will always be helpful when you are faced with memory triggers and flashbacks.  Continue to remind yourself how compassionate you became because of what you went through.  Remind yourself that you are a great blessing to other people,  especially those who went through what you did.  You may not know how many lives you may have saved because of what you went through.  You made a big difference in someone's life whether you know it or not. 

I want you to know that people like you can accomplish great things that you would not be able to accomplish if you had not experienced what you have.  Remind yourself of that also.

I, myself still get hit with memory triggers and flashbacks and I can share as a testimony that when I get hit with memory triggers and flashbacks that reminding myself of the people who have been blessed and the 4 lives that were saved from suicide, it has turned these memory triggers and flashbacks from a curse into a blessing.

If any of you are struggling with memory triggers or flashbacks,  I will pray for you. 

Rodney Calmes

It Is Ok To Be Loved And Be Treated With Kindness

It Is Ok To Be Loved And Be Treated With Kindness

We may know intellectually that it is ok to be loved and treated with kindness.  Sometimes it is hard for us to accept because we are used to having people be mean to us.   Getting this in our hearts can be difficult.

Someone may show kindness and we shy away.  It feels awkward. No matter how strange and awkward it feels,  always know that it is ok to have someone be kind to you.  It is ok to be loved.  God created you to be loved.  God created you to be treated with kindness.  Those who failed to treat you with love and kindness has sinned against God. 

It is right for you to be loved.  It is right for you to be treated with kindness.  It is wrong for someone to be mean to you.  It is wrong for someone to not love you.  We may know this in our minds, but it takes time to train our hearts to accept this. 

Love and kindness is what you need.  No matter how awkward and strange it feels,  tell yourself that it is ok to accept love and kindness.  You need it. 

I pray for you and I will be praying for everyone who sees this message.

Rodney Calmes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

Mistakes are something all of us have made.  Some of the mistakes we have made are sins, some of them are not.  We are all human and we all make mistakes.   No one is perfect and we can never be expected to be perfect.

Many times abusers will expect us to be perfect.  When we make a mistake,  they are like bad cops and they will abuse us for it.   They belittle us for making a mistake,  they may beat us for it and they have a way to make us feel inadequate and worthless for it.

We find ourselves walking on egg shells and being afraid to make a mistake.  When we make a mistake, we tremble in fear.  Based on how we were treated, we condition ourselves to think we are worthless and inadequate because of our mistakes.   We look at every mistake we make and we end up belittling ourselves for it.   We have a hard time forgiving ourselves because our abusers never forgave us and continued to harp on us for our mistakes.  We convince ourselves that the abuse was right for us.

We forget that Jesus has died on a cross for our sins and mistakes and He sees us as spotless and without blemish.   He has forgiven our mistakes.   We are seen as perfect in the eyes of God because of what Jesus has done for us.  I am not my mistakes.   You are not your mistakes.

Our mistakes is not something to get down on ourselves for.  Our mistakes do not make us worthless or inadequate.  Our mistakes do not define us as to who we are.  Our mistakes serve as a tool for us to learn and they become stepping stones as we continually grow as people.  We have to continually train ourselves to think this way. We need to take our mistakes as lessons learned and turn from them and LEAVE OUR MISTAKES BEHIND,  THEY ARE NOT A PART OF US.   If you have to repeatedly tell yourself this, do it.  Forgive yourself because God has already forgiven you.

We need to get out of the train of thought that our mistakes make us worthless and inadequate.  We need to get out of the train of thought that abuse is right for us because of a mistake we make.   We need to train ourselves to see our mistakes as lessons learned and stepping stones as we grow.  

Most important of all, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND LEAVE YOUR MISTAKES BEHIND. 

Rodney Calmes