RELIGIOUS ABUSE
Isa 65:5
5 Who say, 'Keep to yourself,
Do not come near me,
For I am holier than you!'
These are smoke in My nostrils,
A fire that burns all the day.
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Luke 11:46
46 And He said, "Woe to you also, lawyers! For you load men with burdens hard to bear, and you yourselves do not touch the burdens with one of your fingers.
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Matt 23:1-12
23 Then Jesus spoke to the multitudes and to His disciples, 2 saying: "The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat. 3 Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do. 4 For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. 5 But all their works they do to be seen by men. They make their phylacteries broad and enlarge the borders of their garments. 6 They love the best places at feasts, the best seats in the synagogues, 7 greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called by men, 'Rabbi, Rabbi.' 8 But you, do not be called 'Rabbi'; for One is your Teacher, the Christ, and you are all brethren. 9 Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. 10 And do not be called teachers; for One is your Teacher, the Christ. 11 But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. 12 And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.
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Matt 23:23-30
23 "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone. 24 Blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel!
25 "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence. 26 Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.
27 "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness. 28 Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.
29 "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! Because you build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the monuments of the righteous, 30 and say, 'If we had lived in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets.'
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Expecting people to say ritualistic prayers without missing a beat, and expecting a person to perform rituals that are meaningless and putting an overemphasis on rituals rather than obeying God’s word. An example is hitting a child for not having their back perfectly straight when praying, or if they misquote a word in a ritualistic prayer. Another example is acknowledging a person for their performance in their rituals and yet the person abuses their spouses and children and overlooking that - thus considering their performance of their rituals more important than being a person of good character.
Matt 6:5-7
5 "And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. 6 But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. 7 And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words.
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Extreme legalism, putting undue rules on a person is also abuse. Every person should obey the Bible, but adding rules and forcing them on people is no good.
Isa 29:13
13 Therefore the Lord said:
"Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths
And honor Me with their lips,
But have removed their hearts far from Me,
And their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of men,
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Matt 15:7-9
7 Hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy about you, saying:
8 "These people draw near to Me with their mouth,
And honor Me with their lips,
But their heart is far from Me.
9 And in vain they worship Me,
Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.'"
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Matt 9:12-13
12 When Jesus heard that, He said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance."
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Matt 12:3-8
3 But He said to them, "Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, he and those who were with him: 4 how he entered the house of God and ate the showbread which was not lawful for him to eat, nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? 5 Or have you not read in the law that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath, and are blameless? 6 Yet I say to you that in this place there is One greater than the temple. 7 But if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the guiltless. 8 For the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath."
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Falsely teaching the Bible is also spiritual abuse, or misapplying it. It is important to check the Bible as to what is being taught. The Bible taken literally and in context is the best method. Don’t just read a sentence, but read the whole paragraph. Example is taking Heb. 9:22 and applying that to shedding blood on children to make remission for their sins, when reading chapters 9 & 10, you see that the blood applies to the one time sacrifice Christ did on the cross for once and for all, and they even state that there are no more sacrifices need of sin, because Christ paid it all.
Acts 17:10-11
10 Then the brethren immediately sent Paul and Silas away by night to Berea. When they arrived, they went into the synagogue of the Jews. 11 These were more fair-minded than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness, and searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so.
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Judging others is also a form of abuse, usually it is done when there is no evidence of wrong doing, and accuse the person anyway, without looking into it first. Example: finding an empty beer can in the back of someone’s pickup truck, and accusing them of being an abusive alcoholic, and removing them from the church. These type of things do happen in some churches throughout the world.
Matt 7:1-5
7 "Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
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Luke 6:37-38
37 "Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you."
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Holding grudges against a person, and kicking them out of a church. There is a procedure in the Bible about that. A repentant person should never get kicked out of a church, even if the sin they committed is irreversible. If they have truly repented, they should be forgiven. Example, a post made on the internet without any warning of anything bad happening, causes something bad, and you can do nothing to reverse it, and you repent, but because it cannot be erased, you get kicked out anyway - that is abuse.
Matt 18:15-17
15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
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Under no condition should a person get kicked out of a church without being warned of a legitimate sin in their lives. They should be given a chance to repent. Everything should be done in the order laid out in Matt 18:15-17. First in private, then with another brother, then before the church, and if the brother remains unrepentant, then church discipline should be exercised. If a person is being divisive, they should be warned once, then warned again, and if they continue then they should be removed.
Rom 16:17-18
17 Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them. 18 For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.
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Titus 3:10-11
10 Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition, 11 knowing that such a person is warped and sinning, being self-condemned.
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If a person repents, we should forgive them and restore them so they do not get discouraged and overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. It is not about tearing people down, but building them up and loving them. Each person is to be treated in a spirit of gentleness, not with harshness. Being harsh bears no fruit, but causes resentment and intimidation. Love and gentleness helps people want to do the right thing.
2 Cor 2:5-11
5 But if anyone has caused grief, he has not grieved me, but all of you to some extent — not to be too severe. 6 This punishment which was inflicted by the majority is sufficient for such a man, 7 so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. 8 Therefore I urge you to reaffirm your love to him. 9 For to this end I also wrote, that I might put you to the test, whether you are obedient in all things. 10 Now whom you forgive anything, I also forgive. For if indeed I have forgiven anything, I have forgiven that one for your sakes in the presence of Christ, 11 lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices.
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Gal 6:1-2
6 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of GENTLENESS, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
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Operating a church with motives other than love. Without love, everything is meaningless. Love is the greatest attribute. Much is accomplished with love for the people. Any church can teach the Bible, but they will fail miserably if they do not have love for the people. The best Bible teachings in the world will not draw people to Christ without love. It is the love that a church demonstrates for the people that will draw others to Christ.
John 13:34-35
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
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1 Cor 13:13
13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
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The Bible in various places talks about submission. It has been mentioned about wives submitting to husbands, children submitting to parents, submitting to our governing authorities, submitting to the leadership of the church, and submitting to God. We vision submission to someone lording it over us and us submitting to that. This is another form of abuse that happens in the church, when the leaders lord it over others. Authorities can abuse people by lording it over them. Parents can abuse children by lording it over them. Husbands can abuse wives by lording it over them. The Bible does not define submission by one person lording it over the other person while they submit. That is the wrong concept of submission. I am going to point out some scriptures to prove this.
Eph 5:22-6:4
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, JUST AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR HER, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 SO HUSBANDS OUGHT TO LOVE THEIR WIVES AS THEIR OWN BODIES; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Eph 6:1-4
6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: 3 "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."
4 AND YOU, FATHERS, DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO WRATH, BUT BRING THEM UP IN THE TRAINING AND ADMONITION OF THE LORD.
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Col 3:18-4:1
18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES AND DO NOT BE BITTER TOWARD THEM.
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
21 FATHERS, DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN, LEST THEY BECOME DISCOURAGED.
22 Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. 23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. 25 But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality.
Col 4:1
4 MASTERS, GIVE YOUR BONDSERVANTS WHAT IS JUST AND FAIR, KNOWING THAT YOU ALSO HAVE A MASTER IN HEAVEN.
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We see in these two passages that the husband does not lord it over the wives and children, they give themselves for their wives and children. Christ gave himself for the church, so husbands ought to do the same for their wives and children. The husband’s job is to look after the wife and children, and to put the needs of his wife and children over his own. It is not the wife or children submitting to a selfish husband who lords it over them, it is a wife and children submitting to a selfless husband that looks after them. An Example of this is my Great Grandpa VerKuilen sat out during some meals during the depression, so his wife and children could eat, and he said “They need it more than I do.”. That is a great example of how a husband should be to their wives and how fathers should be to their children.
1 Peter 5:5
5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you BE SUBMISSIVE TO ONE ANOTHER, and be clothed with humility, for
"God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble."
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Matt 20:24-28
24 And when the ten heard it, they were greatly displeased with the two brothers. 25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. 26 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. 27 And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave — 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."
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Heb 13:17
17 Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they WATCH OUT FOR YOUR SOULS, as those who MUST GIVE AN ACCOUNT. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.
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Church leaders must give an account for the souls they look after. Church leaders ought to be an example of Christ who gave Himself for the church, so leaders ought to give themselves for their church. Leaders who lord it over others are not doing that job, they are just serving their selfish desires. All leaders will have to give an account to God as to how they handled the people.
Many churches force wives to go back home to abusive husbands. They see the bruises on the wives and children and the wives seek protection that they are not getting from their husband otherwise he would not do these things to them, so the seek out shelters for protection from abuse. So the church tells them that God hates divorce and tells the wives to go back home to live with the abusive husband and children, so that the wife and children can suffer further abuse. I will show you scriptures dealing with marriage and point out some things that will allow wives to leave abusive husbands for their protection and their children’s protection. Also if a spouse molests a child, they have already defiled the marriage bed, and in that situation, it is ok to divorce.
Matt 5:31-32
31 "Furthermore it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
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Matt 19:3-9
3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
4 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' 5 and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
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Mark 10:2-12
2 The Pharisees came and asked Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" testing Him.
3 And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?"
4 They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her."
5 And Jesus answered and said to them, "Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. 6 But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female.' 7 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
10 In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. 11 So He said to them, "WHOEVER DIVORCES HIS WIFE AND MARRIES ANOTHER COMMITS ADULTERY AGAINST HER. 12 AND IF A WOMAN DIVORCES HER HUSBAND AND MARRIES ANOTHER, SHE COMMITS ADULTERY AGAINST HIM."
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1 Cor 7:10-16
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even IF SHE DOES DEPART, LET HER REMAIN UNMARRIED or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 BUT IF THE UNBELIEVER DEPARTS, LET HIM DEPART; A BROTHER OR SISTER IS NOT UNDER BONDAGE IN THESE CASES. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
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I want to get these facts straight. A legal filing of divorce is not a divorce, it is just paperwork that separates the husband and wife in all aspects. This may be done in the event of abuse for the spouse to be protected and the children to be protected in the event of abuse. A true divorce is when one person decides to remarry, that locks and seals the divorce. There are two conditions where a divorce is permitted, one is when the spouse defiles the marriage bed by committing adultery, or when the spouse decides to leave, we cannot make that spouse stay. There was nothing that mentioned abuse in the scriptures. There also is nothing mentioned in the scriptures where the abused has to stay with their abuser either. They can choose to separate for their own safety, and the scriptures do mention separation. If you choose to separate for your safety and your children’s safety, you ought not to remarry unless the spouse decides to commit adultery, which makes you free, or when the spouse remarries. The Bible does not define how bad things have to be in order to separate. Separation is necessary in the event of abuse. Legal divorce paperwork may need to be filed in order to protect the finances of the abused. The only time a true divorce is final is when one person remarries or commits adultery, then the other person is free to remarry if they wish.
It is wrong for a church to force an abused person or if their children is being abused to stay with the abuser, and put that person or their children through further abuse. That person should leave for the better of that person and their children. If they decide to get back together, that should not be quick, time should be taken to see that the abuser truly repented, many times they go back to abusing, so be careful before going back.
Anytime a child is molested by your spouse, even once, that is grounds for a divorce, never should a child stay with a parent that molested them. The marriage bed has already been defiled, so you would be free to leave and find another spouse. No church should make that person stay in that marriage under any condition, that person is biblically free to divorce and remarry.
CONCLUSION:
1. Unquestionable authority being exercised is abuse, there must be an accountability for those in authority and those people should be accountable for what they do, and if they abuse their authority, that person should be removed from their position of authority.
2. Misleading and mistreating others by misusing the Bible to manipulate, deprive, torture, degrade, isolate, or control others is also abuse. The Bible should be read in context and no scripture should be taken out of context. Each person should check the Bible to what is being taught, and the person who misuses scripture to hurt another person in any of the above ways, should first look at their own sins rather than the sins of others.
3. Lording over others or putting undue burdens on others is also abuse. Are you willing to carry those burdens that you are putting on others? Are you willing to step in and help that person? You should be a person willing to help others and lift them up and encourage them rather than weighing them down with burdens. You should be willing to be a servant to that person rather than lording it over them, and making them be your servant.
4. Exalting yourself is abuse, thinking of yourself as better than others is like smoke in God’s nostrils. It is detestable to God for you to think that way. It is better to be humble, and treat others as an equal to yourself no matter what position you have in life.
5. Putting yourself before others is also abuse. As a leader of a church, you ought to put the needs of those in the church above your own, because that is the example Christ left for the church. A person who chooses to be a leader ought to be a person who serves the people and loves the people.
6. Ritualism - Many times people abuse others by expecting a perfect performance in the rituals and ridicules them when a mistake is made. Many churches also put a higher priority on ritualism rather than looking at the character of people. They consider a person to be a better church person by their performance on the rituals when the bad things that person does is overlooked. Example: A person who abuses their spouses and children and has a perfect performance in their ritualistic prayers and comes to church every Sunday is a better person that the one who loves his family and serves others. It ought to be the other way around.
7. Legalism is also abuse. Putting undue rules on a person and expecting them to follow every letter of the man made rules and condemning that person if they miss one letter in the rules. According to the Bible, it is by grace you are saved through faith, and not by works, see Eph 2:8-10.
8. False teaching is also abuse. Check the Bible to what is being taught. Look at its context, is that teaching lining up with the Bible, or does it contradict the Bible? Each person should read the Bible regularly so that they can have that discernment.
9. Judging others is also abuse. First look at the plank in your own eye and take care of that before judging the speck in your brother’s eye.
10. Holding grudges against people is abuse, we ought to forgive them so that they are not overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. The punishment put on them from the world is enough, we ought to forgive and restore a person rather than holding grudges.
11. Treating a person harshly is abuse. We ought to deal with people in a gentle manner.
12. Removal from a church. No one should be removed from the church unless they are living in sin and not being repentant after being warned in private, then with another person, then with the leaders, if they still don’t repent after each step, they ought to be removed. If a person is stirring trouble in the church or if they are being divisive, they ought to be warned once, then a second time, then be removed. If a person is removed and they have been given time to repent and they come with repentance, we ought to restore that person as a brother.
13. We ought to submit to those the Bible tells us to submit to, but it is not about one person lording it over the other, it is about submitting to those who look after us and is willing to look after our needs before their own. A true leader looks after the people rather than themselves.
14. Under no condition should a person who is being abused by their spouse or if their spouse is abusing their children, should they be forced to stay living with that spouse, thus setting them up or their children up for further abuse. That person should be allowed to separate to a safe shelter or a safe place they can live. They should not remarry unless the spouse commits adultery or remarries.
15. Any person who molests a child has already committed adultery, and the spouse is free to leave and remarry in a case like that. Children should not be left with the molester, even if it only occurred once.
By Rodney Calmes
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