The Effects of Over Spanking

The Effects of Over Spanking


     Many of us have been spanked, some have had more severe spankings than others, and some had it more often than others. Some it was occasional or rare, some it was daily, or even more than once a day. Some had a few swats with an open hand, and some had many swats with large sticks or paddles, and many had the in between.

     When I lived with my grandparents, my spankings were extremely harsh and damage was done. I was spanked with a 3 foot stick until I could no longer feel the stick hitting me. Half the spankings I got from my grandpa, I did not understand what I did to get spanked, and I did not understand why I got spanked. I was lucky if I went a day without getting spanked like that. I was 4 when I started to live with my grandparents and I was 5 when I got out from there. My grandpa was the type to spank if things were not going well for him, even if the child had nothing to do with that. Example: getting spanked because he was struggling with a rusty bolt and the bolt breaks. He then gives me a spanking and tells me it was for something I did yesterday, and I ask him what did I do yesterday, and he spanks me again for not being able to figure it out. Many times when I got spanked, I was just told “Behave”, and I would ask how I misbehaved and instead of getting an explanation, I would get another spanking and was told to figure it out. Other times I was told “What in the hell is the matter with you?”. I did not learn from these spankings, but I got discouraged, and figured that no matter what I do, I am going to get spanked anyway, so it does not matter.

     When I left my grandparents, I got spankings when I lived with my mother and step dad, but they were not as severe. They learned to explain to me what I did, and as things were explained, I would learn from them.

     I was enrolled in school shortly after, and I was in a school with mentally disabled kids for about 1 year, and the teachers were patient there, and I did not get spanked at that school, but the teachers there recommended a more regular school for me. I got to a regular school, and I did have some behavior issues in school, and often got spanked with good reason most of the time, but many times I got spanked in school because I was not understanding what the teachers said, and I did not know how to ask the questions I needed to get understanding on it, my communication skills were poor, so I got spanked often and was accused of not listening or paying attention. I got spanked daily by teachers until I was about 9. I started to get it, and understand things in school a little better. My communication skills started to get better, so I was able to communicate my questions to get better answers rather than being punished. The spankings I got from the teachers were not spankings that left marks or did any physical damage.

     When the spankings started to diminish in my life, it seemed odd that I was not getting spankings, it did not seem right to me, so I started to seek them out. I got involved with spanking games when I was 10, then started harming my bottom at age 11, but do minor things to it like shoving pins in it, and scratching it hard with finger nails. I gave it a major spanking at age 15, then it got regular at 18 and older with very severe things done to it, leaving many heavy scars. I do remember getting adrenaline rushes from severe spankings as a child, and even though at the time I hated the pain, I did like the adrenaline. That is what got me started with self harm.

     As far as learning, I would not learn from my spankings I got as a child, I just got discouraged. I felt like I was going to get it any no matter what. It got to a point that I did not care anymore. At home, things were very stable, and I did care, because I knew there was a way out. I knew that I could behave in a way not to get spanked, so I did not get discouraged at home, but I got discouraged in school, and learned not to care anymore because I was expected to understand when I was unable to understand, and many teachers did not take the time to explain it to me. I was expected to just get it.

     Harsh spankings can lead to self destructive behaviors, because much adrenaline is generated from it. Use of instruments with a lot of impact that covers large areas damage many nerve endings, and if done repeatedly, it can become permanently very insensitive to pain. That has happened to me. There is also much mental and emotional harm done due to the lack of respect to the child’s body, and a lot of resentment is generated from that. Excessive spankings that leave damage also creates many deep emotional hurts that the child carries for a long time, it could be a course of a lifetime. It also makes a person feel unloved. Causing harm also shows a lack of love or concern for the child’s well being.

     Spankings that do not harm makes a person feel loved, respected, along with expressing concern for their behaviors. It shows you want the best for your child.

     Spanking for every little thing, or spanking for things the child did not do wrong, or lack of instruction for the spanking can leave a child discouraged. When this is happening often, the child feels “I am going to get spanked anyway, so why even try”. I have felt that before. They learn to adapt to getting spanked and accept it as a part of every day life. When the spankings stop, it becomes a shock and something does not seem right. On account of someone who shared with me, she came home one day and her dad decided to talk to her and not spank her, so she cried. Her dad asked why she was crying, and she responded “I did not get spanked.”

     When spankings occur too often in a child's life, especially if it is a daily thing for many years, it can become normal everyday life, and when the spankings stop at some point, it seems abnormal. It has become instilled in the mind that spankings are a normal every day life thing, and we feel like it is a necessity and when a spanking does not occur, it feels like something is missing, to this day, I still feel that way and find myself craving it often. It is very difficult to change that frame of mind. It is similar to us sleeping at night and being active during the day, or we eat 3 meals a day at similar times in the day, those are instilled, and it seems strange when that pattern gets messed up. Anything that is instilled, when what is instilled gets messed up or changes, it is very strange to us.

     The Bible tells us to spank with an instrument that does not do damage, but yet produces a sting. It is to be used with only a few strokes, not many. It does not tell us whether we should do it daily or even more than once a day, or if it should be done occasionally. That depends on the child. The Bible tells us to use it for instruction and discipline, and that instruction and discipline is to teach a child obedience. It is only to be used when a child is willfully disobedient or willfully sinning. If a child willfully disobeys or sins daily, then the spankings should follow their disobedience and willful sin. That would mean the child would get daily spankings. If the child willfully disobeys or willfully sins rarely, then the spankings would only be given rarely. It all depends on the frequency of the child’s willful disobedience or sin.

     The Bible does not tell us to spank when the child had no idea that he/she did something wrong, nor does it tell us to spank for past events either, example: getting spanked for something he/she did yesterday, or a week ago, etc. It is only to be done when the child willfully sins at the moment he/she sins. It should also be made very clear what the child did to get spanked. It should be detailed and not vague. Being vague or telling a child to figure it out does not teach them anything. That only gets the child discouraged.

     Here are a few scriptures dealing with that.

Prov 23:13
13 Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. And deliver his soul from hell.
NKJV

Col 3:21
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
NKJV

Eph 6:4
4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
NKJV

Luke 12:47-48
47 And that servant who knew his master's will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. 48 But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few.
NKJV

     We create many problems by not disciplining our children, and we also create many problems by over disciplining them or become like bad cops - knit picking every little thing. Those things only bring discouragement.

     When we discipline our children only when they willfully sin or willfully disobey, we teach and instruct them with precise and detailed instruction of what they did wrong, along with how they could have done it right, and use spankings that sting, but do not harm, we end up with healthy children who are conscientious of sin. We also must reassure our love for them and our forgiveness for them as well. Jesus died to forgive your sins, so your child should also be taught and disciplined, but then forgiven as well.

Rodney Calmes