Self Destructive Behavior: The Different Types of It, How to Deal With It, The Emotional Cycle, and My Experience With It

Self Destructive Behavior: The Different Types of It, How to Deal With It, The Emotional Cycle, and My Experience With It



     Have you ever engaged in self-destructive behavior, and felt ashamed of it? Have you ever felt that there was something wrong with you? Have you felt that people would lose respect for you or would hate you because of it? Have you ever felt that people would laugh and make fun of you because if it? I would like to talk about self-destructive behavior, it is something that people need to be aware of. 1 of 4 people have engaged in this at some point in their lives - that is a high number.

     There are many people who have been abused who have engaged in self-destructive behavior of some kind. Many times it is they do the same thing to themselves as how they were abused. It is very addicting - as addicting as Cocaine.

      I can share my experience with that: It started when I first revealed to someone the abuse I got from my grandparents, and the pain was so overwhelming, that I tried to fight it by convincing myself that I deserved the abuse my grandparents gave me, and that I needed it. I have done that so much that it lead me to do the same thing to myself as what my grandparents did to me. Then it got worse, I would beat myself on my bottom with a stick until the skin was gone. I burned it, cut it, and did other horrible things to it. Because I had been beat on my bottom, I thought it was a bad part of my body and that it needed to be punished, because that was the part that was punished when I was younger. I got an adrenaline rush from doing that and felt like I was on top of the world for about 2 days. I would look at the damage I did to myself and said "I finally got what I deserved“, and I felt good about that. Then I would have a flash back of the days with my grandparents, and become very depressed, then I would try to fight the depression by trying to convince myself that I deserved the abuse, and that I needed it, and I convinced myself of that to the point where I would abuse myself again the same way. I would feel good again, then the flash backs, then convincing myself that I deserved it and needed it, then the self destructive behavior. This was a repeated cycle, and my self-destructive behaviors kept getting worse and worse and do more and more damage. It started out with just bruising, then it got worse from there. Many times, I was not healed from the last episode of self destructive behavior before I would engage in a new episode of it.

      The only way that this could stop is to tell a trusted friend about it and get this out of my closet. I often felt there was something wrong with me, I felt people would hate me and make fun of me for this, but I needed help. They only way I could get help was to tell someone, so they could help me sort out my feelings and see this vicious cycle so it could stop. I myself have stopped this about 10 years ago with the help of God and the counseling from a group leader from my old church. I am not at all proud of this, but I brought this out to make awareness of this and if we know someone who is into self-destructive behavior, they need our help. We need to help them any way we can, or direct them to help. Do not be ashamed to talk about it, talking about it can help you heal. If any of you are struggling with this, we are here to help any way we can.

      If you are struggling with self destructive behavior, I have struggled with this for a long time. Every time I tried to stop, it kept getting worse. The harder I would try to stop, the more often I would do it. I could not stop, and I kept wanting more and more of the adrenaline rush that came with it. The emotional cycle would keep repeating itself over and over again. Every time I tried to stop, I couldn't and would get discouraged. I never wanted to tell anyone because I thought I was the only one who dealt with this. I thought the whole world would think I was nuts, and I would be laughed at and made fun of, or ignored by everyone for this. I had to get the courage to confess it to a church group leader from my old church, and it took much prayer. I had to take every thought captive. I had to give every thought and temptation to God with constant prayer to get through this. It is only by the power of God that I could overcome this. I could not have done it without God. I will pray diligently for you, and I would advise you to take every thought captive, take all your temptations to God in prayer. Let God help you. He wants to heal you from this. God loves you, and He has died for you, so that you are free from your sins and you are spotless before God, if you accept Jesus Christ and the sacrifice He has made for you. If you ask God, He will help you. God Bless you, and I am praying for you, and do not be discouraged.

      Many times when we have deep emotional pain, we get involved with things that can be potentially dangerous. Self harm can be one of those things. Self harm can take many forms including cutting, hitting, pinching, burning, or other things that can cause pain to our bodies. Some people may say “how can someone do something like that?”, but it is very easy. Adrenaline and endorphins run through our bodies when we harm ourselves and they give us a high and it temporarily removes the emotional pain we may be dealing with. We may feel like we are on top of the world at the time we experience these highs. The high wears off and the pain we deal with comes back, and we end up getting depressed. If we induce self harm to ourselves in the same way that we were abused (example - if we were hit in one place repeatedly with an object, we take that same object and hit ourselves repeatedly in the same spot) we often will relieve our pain when the endorphins and adrenaline kicks in, then it causes us to relive the abuse when those adrenalines and endorphins wear off and we end up very depressed. It is not uncommon to do to yourself what abusers have done to you because when anticipating the beating, you also experience adrenaline and endorphins and you have a memory of that and want to bring that on again, so you abuse yourself the same way you were abused by others. If your abuse involves being hit in just one specific area, you think of that area as a bad part of your body and you convince yourself that that spot must be punished, and you harm that specific area of your body. The adrenalines and endorphins generated by self harm are very addictive - even more addictive than illegal drugs, so you continue to harm yourself. The more times you harm yourself in that way, the less and less the adrenalines and endorphins will flow, then the next step that may be taken is to cause more harm the next time to get the adrenalines and endorphins back, and the harm becomes worse and worse each time, until eventually hospitalization or death comes from it.

      If you ever find yourself engaging in self harm, never keep it secret. Tell someone you can trust, get help, and have a trusted person pray for you. Self harm can be a very difficult addiction to break. If you are tempted, turn from it before it controls you. Once you start and continue to harm yourself, eventually you may not be able to stop. Always take it to God, and pray about it continually. God is the only One who can break you free from it.

      Self destructive behavior doesn't always have to take the exact form of abuse that has happened to you, but the cycles I have described on my last post regarding it are the same. Sometimes we do destructive things to one specific part of our body - in most but not all cases the same part that was abused in our past, but the destructive things we do may not be the same as what was done. In this case we may think of that part as a bad part that needs punishment. In other cases, we may punish other parts that were not abused, because we may feel that we deserve pain in general.

      Self destructive behavior does not have to be physical, it can be emotional/mental behaviors as well. We may tell ourselves that we are stupid, dumb, no good, ugly, useless, etc. We may tell ourselves that we will never accomplish anything good. The truth of the matter is that God created us and everything God created was good. God can use us to do great things, and He gave us intelligent minds to accomplish His will. You are not stupid and dumb - God made you intelligent. God loved you enough to die on the cross for you, you are not worthless, you are very precious to God and He bought you at a very precious price. Everything God created is beautiful, including you, you are not ugly, you are beautiful. God has set you apart to do great things if you believe in Him, therefore you are not useless.

Ps 4:3
3 But know that the Lord has set apart for Himself him who is godly;
The Lord will hear when I call to Him.
NKJV

Eph 2:10
10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
NKJV

Gen 1:31
31 Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good.
NKJV

John 3:16
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
NKJV

      Some people confuse Sadomasochism (S&M) with self destructive behavior. There is a huge difference between the two. Self destructive behavior is usually done as a result of not dealing with emotional pain properly. It has a cycle that starts with convincing yourself that you deserve to be hurt and that you need it to fight the pain you carry from the hurts you have faced in the past and saying that you deserved it or needed it tries to passify the pain and you convince youself so much that you end up hurting yourself, then you feel good for a while, then the flashbacks and the pain surfaces again and you try to convince yourself that you deserve it, then the self destructive behavior, and the cycle continues. Self destructive behavior can include spankings, hitting, cutting, burning, pulling, twisting, pinching, and many other things. Many times self destructive behavior that people get into will be the same behavior as to what was done to them, but not all the time.

      Sadomasochism (S&M) also involves inflicting pain either to yourself or another person. This is done with consent between 2 people, it is done for pleasure and the person likes it. Many times that can also be carried out in the same way a person was punished. Sometimes self destructive behavior can lead to S&M, especially if it involves spankings, where blood flow gets directed to other near by regions that can trigger an experience. That can also happen if a person gets spanked severely as a child or teen. That person may not remember the experience, and may have had a variety of different punishments, and thus likes all kinds of punishments. Some may just have been spanked and just like spankings, some may like the role playing, etc. This has nothing to do with emotional pain, it is usually done for pleasure, many times that can be enhanced by the adrenaline that flows. Some get into this because someone else introduced it to them and they were just curious and decided it was for them. There are other behaviors involved with S&M that I will not get involved with now.

      I have been involved with self destructive behavior and because it involved spanking, I thought it was S&M and done extensive research on this topic, but I was in the emotional cycle of self destructive behavior, and therefore my case it was not S&M. I thought about not posting this, but I thought it was important so that people do not get the 2 confused. Some forms of abuse can lead a person to get involved with S&M. I will not address S&M any more than this because it is not an area we need to be concerned about someone who practices it. I have known people into this and the Bible does not condemn it. The Bible is ok with anything that is consensual between husband and wife.

      If you have ever been set free from a bad habit, never give in to a temptation. You may have been set free, but it doesn't mean that you are too good to go back to it. If you give in to that temptation once, it will be much harder than it was the first time to break it. Never say "I will not be tempted like that", because that will just happen. I have just learned that lesson after I harmed myself by beating myself with a stick and putting baking soda on my wounds on Nov 25, 2012. Pray that I can resist the temptations in the future, the temptations to harrm myself are now strong.

Rodney Calmes