For those who are praying for me.
That time I drove in the vacinity of my grandparents farm, I was triggered of the things my grandparents did, but that was a small part of it. I was triggered much more largely on how my family handled it.
I want to share what I went through when my family said the things they said and what they did after.
When they said that I cannot remember things at 4, when they said it wasn't that bad, when they said that it never had any effect on me, I felt like I was face to face with Satan himself. I heard things like this from a majority of my dad's family, but there are 2 people who called themselves Christians who said this also, which was much more hurtful. It showed me that they didn't repent. I felt like those who were supposed to love me doesn't love me. I was belittled and reviled by them. They were supposed to be Christians.
The ones who were supposed to be Christians spread their lies through their church in a very convincing way. They also convinced one of the elders of my church into believing them also. This lead to the following evils:
1. My testimony was discredited.
2. People that knew them started reporting everything I said and did to them, stirring more trouble.
3. I had to deal with my family struggles alone, because I didn't feel safe sharing it, knowing that it could get back to them.
4. I also was not able to share how God was using me and the joys with that, because my past had everything to do with how God used me. 7 lives saved from suicide, people coming to know Jesus because of my testimony. People being built up and encouraged, people being able to thrive. I had to keep all this to myself because someone may report it to my family, and I would be accused of lying.
It seemed like my pastor sided with the elder who was polluted with their lies at first, because he was relatively new. When another man who was deeply involved with one of those who called themselves Christians for years came to my church, and talked about his struggles with that person, my pastor started to see through their lies.
I never felt completely safe there since this all happened in 2012. This was an ongoing problem until I moved to Michigan on December 29, 2017. Michigan was my escape from this.
Why did I not seek another church? My family knew too many people. Every Bible teaching church I could think of had people such as elders, Bible study teachers, deacons, or pastors that knew them. I would have come as a complete stranger with no credibility until I got to know people, and if their lies would have hit there, my problems would have been worse.
There is nothing against the church, the church has genuinely good people, it was the 2 people who called themselves Christians. A lot leaven leavens the whole lump. They were very convincing, and anyone can get sucked into their lies.
I am posting this because I want everyone to be aware of what leaven can do, and how destructive little leaven can be to a church, thus leaving survivors alienated and isolated in the very place that is supposed to be a sanctuary. No one should have to go through this. I hope by posting this that it can prevent another person from going through this.
I am making this post on my public page called "Support For Those Who Have Been Abused". Feel free to share this from my public page to spread awareness about this if you feel lead to do it.
God bless you all, and those of you who struggle with this, I will be praying for you.
Rodney James Calmes
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