How You Were Treated Has No Reflection Of Who You Are.

How You Were Treated Has No Reflection Of Who You Are. 

You may have been beaten and the abuser blames you.   You may have been called names and the abuser says it is your fault.   The abuser takes his/her anger out on you and the abuser says that you caused it.  The abuser belittles you in front of people and says that it is you.

None of those things has any reflection of you.  It has nothing to do with who you are.   What they did to you has everything to do with who they are.  It is those who treated you like that who are low.  They reveal who they are by how they treat you.   God sees it all and nothing escapes Him. 

What they did to you,  they also did to God.  See Matt. 25:31-46. 

Here are things that have a reflection of who you are:

1.  The love and kindness you show people.

2.  How you care for people.

3.  How compassionate you are towards others.

4.  How you treat people. 

5.  Are you there for people when they need you?

These are all things that have a reflection of who you are.   When you love people,  treat them with kindness and compassion,  when you are there when someone needs you,  it proves you to be a great person.  What you do to others,  you do to God.

I love all of you and I will pray for you.  

Rodney Calmes

You Don't Have To Be "Normal"

You Don't Have To Be "Normal"

Have you ever tried to be normal?   Do you have differences that doesn't seem normal?   Do you find yourself trying to change because you are not like other people? 

I have struggled with that for years.   I have a lot of things about me that is different.   Some of those things came from my childhood environment,  many of those things are just the way God created me.   Some were choices I have made good or bad. 

I was told that I had something wrong with me.   I was bullied throughout my childhood.  I knew that I was not like everyone else.  I tried to be like everyone else because I was ashamed of who I was.  I could not be myself when I tried to be "normal".  For years I tried to be someone I was not.   I made being "normal" my priority and that lead me in the wrong direction. 

Romans 12:2  "be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove that what is good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

By this,  I have learned that it is ok to be different and it is ok to not be normal.  I can be myself,  the person God created me to be.

You don't have to try to be normal.   You don't have to try to be like everyone else.   Be yourself,  be the person God created you to be.   It is ok to be different.  Change things that are sinful.   Change things that hurt other people.   If what you are doing is not sinful or hurtful to others,  embrace in it.  

The main thing is to love God and to love people and treat them with kindness,  compassion and grace.  Treating people with love,  kindness,  compassion and grace is by far more important than being normal.   How you treat other people shows who you are. 

I am not normal and I like it that way.   Be the person God created you to be no matter how different it is.   Love and kindness is far greater than normal.

Rodney Calmes

You Are Not "Damaged Goods"

You Are Not "Damaged Goods"

Many times our society looks at us as survivors of abuse,  bullying, rape or molestation as "damaged goods".  I am going to tell you reasons why we as survivors are not "damaged goods".

The abuse we faced May have had bad effects on us.  We may have suffered depression, anxiety,  PTSD, and other complications.  We may have suffered deep wounds that we may not see any chance of healing.  I myself can testify that there is hope.  I have survived,  I may not be perfect,  but I can testify that I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through that myself. 

Most of us have survived abuse and have decided to break the cycle.  That in itself says a lot about you.   Our compassion for others who face pain has grown,  we would not have had that compassion otherwise.  There are going to be people's lives changed because we had the compassion on them and cared to be there for them when they were in pain, that act of kindness may save their lives.  I can testify that it happened to me.  One act of kindness means a lot to someone,  especially those who have been hurt.  We have become better people.  You are a better person.

You are not "damaged goods".  You have survived,  and grown as a person. When you trust God,  He will heal you,  and will cause you to accomplish the greatest things because of what you have survived.  You will find out that you would never have been able to accomplish those things had you not survived it yourself.  What Satan tries to damage, God makes whole. 

Don't give up.  Don't look at yourself as "damaged goods" but look at yourself as a survivor and know that you will thrive through Christ who has died for us and has risen and renews us. 

Rodney Calmes

Love Is The Greatest Thing Of All

Love Is The Greatest Thing Of All

Many of us have been treated poorly, we were told that we were stupid,  we were told that we were worthless,  we have been belittled,  and we had people be mean to us.  Those people made us believe that we were stupid and worthless.   They made us believe that it was our fault.   Later on,  they deny ever treating us like that and they further abuse us.

We may have felt that those who abused us were smarter than us, or they had a better appearance than us.  They appear to be greater than we are.   I have something to tell you about that.

Those people who abused us lack love.  When you chose not to treat others the way you were treated,  it took love to make that change.  When you had compassion on other people who went through what you did,  that took love.  God has given each of you a measure of wisdom that He saw fit and what is sufficient for you.  God has loved you even when those who abused you didn't.  God loved you enough to die on a cross for you.   God created you in His image.  You are precious.   God has created you with the ability to love.

When you have shown love by not treating others the way you were treated, or had compassion on those who have been treated like you have,  it shows that you have the greatest thing a person can have and that is love.   Love accomplishes greater things than rocket science.   Love gives you more beauty than appearance.  Love conquers evil.  Your love and compassion shows what kind of person you are.   People like you who have love and compassion toward others shows you to be greater than the ones who mistreated you because you have something that they don't,  you have love.  

God will use people like you to accomplish great things and those things get accomplished through love, kindness and compassion.  

Your love and kindness toward others is what makes you beautiful people.   Never forget that.

see 1 Corinthians 13

I am praying for every one of you.

Rodney Calmes

How To Hide Your Internet Accounts With Using Your Legal Name

How To Hide Your Internet Accounts With Using Your Legal Name

In a lot of cases when you have stalkers, you will have to close down all your old accounts and open new ones.

It is illegal to open any kind of internet accounts using a false name.  Legally that is considered falsifying information.  You must register all accounts using your real name.  You can use nick names as user names.  This can cause problems for those who are being stalked by abusers.

The ways out:  Most of you have a middle name and there is nothing illegal about using initials or abbreviating names.  For example, let's assume your name was Thomas George Torino, you can use T George Tor as an abbreviation to your name to start an account.  Another way to hide from google searches,  you can use Th0m@s G€0rg€ T0r1n0.  It still represents your name,  but using characters that look close to letters in your name can help hide yourself from stalkers.

After opening your accounts,  do what you can to block your stalkers.

There is nothing 100% fool proof, but using techniques like this can greatly help.

If any of you are dealing with stalkers, I will pray for you.

Good luck with this!

Rodney Calmes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

Mistakes are something all of us have made.  Some of the mistakes we have made are sins, some of them are not.  We are all human and we all make mistakes.   No one is perfect and we can never be expected to be perfect.

Many times abusers will expect us to be perfect.  When we make a mistake,  they are like bad cops and they will abuse us for it.   They belittle us for making a mistake,  they may beat us for it and they have a way to make us feel inadequate and worthless for it.

We find ourselves walking on egg shells and being afraid to make a mistake.  When we make a mistake, we tremble in fear.  Based on how we were treated, we condition ourselves to think we are worthless and inadequate because of our mistakes.   We look at every mistake we make and we end up belittling ourselves for it.   We have a hard time forgiving ourselves because our abusers never forgave us and continued to harp on us for our mistakes.  We convince ourselves that the abuse was right for us.

We forget that Jesus has died on a cross for our sins and mistakes and He sees us as spotless and without blemish.   He has forgiven our mistakes.   We are seen as perfect in the eyes of God because of what Jesus has done for us.  I am not my mistakes.   You are not your mistakes.

Our mistakes is not something to get down on ourselves for.  Our mistakes do not make us worthless or inadequate.  Our mistakes do not define us as to who we are.  Our mistakes serve as a tool for us to learn and they become stepping stones as we continually grow as people.  We have to continually train ourselves to think this way. We need to take our mistakes as lessons learned and turn from them and LEAVE OUR MISTAKES BEHIND,  THEY ARE NOT A PART OF US.   If you have to repeatedly tell yourself this, do it.  Forgive yourself because God has already forgiven you.

We need to get out of the train of thought that our mistakes make us worthless and inadequate.  We need to get out of the train of thought that abuse is right for us because of a mistake we make.   We need to train ourselves to see our mistakes as lessons learned and stepping stones as we grow.  

Most important of all, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND LEAVE YOUR MISTAKES BEHIND. 

Rodney Calmes

Scars From Abuse Appear To Be Very Ugly, But In The End They Become A Beautiful Thing

Scars From Abuse Appear To Be Very Ugly,  But In The End They Become A Beautiful Thing

Many of us carry physical scars and emotional scars from abuse.  Those scars can be from the abuse itself,  some physical scars can come from self harm or other things that we get involved with which may have been a complication of abuse. 

We may see our scars and it reminds us of the horrible abuse we went through.  Every day we see them in the mirror and many tears have been shed.  We look at them and say that they are horrible.  We ask God to help us.  We carry deep pain. 
I will tell you that someday, those scars will remind you of the great things you have done in the lives of others if you trust God that He would work out those things for good.  God will cause you to do great things.  You will look at those scars and those scars will show you the compassion you have had on other people because of the abuse you went through.  Those scars will show you how many people you have helped.   Without those scars,  you would not have been able to help those people.  Those scars will remind you of the great things you have done and you will say "they are beautiful".

I can tell you for myself that I have accumulated physical scars from abuse and the complications of abuse.  I used to look at them and it created horrible memories for me.  I can now look at them in a mirror and they remind me of the 4 lives that were saved from suicide.  My scars remind me of the people I have helped.   They remind me of those who were helped that I don't know about,  now I can say that they are beautiful.  

Never give up hope.  Never think that you are ugly because of those scars.  You are beautiful people,  scars and all.

Rodney Calmes

Look How Far You Have Come

Look How Far You Have Come

Many of you have been told that you are worthless and that you will never amount to anything,  or you may have been treated that way. You may feel that you will never accomplish anything,  I am now going to show you that these things are all lies. 

I am going to tell you what you have accomplished.   You may have been brought up with bad parents who taught you abuse or you may have been neglected.  You may have been abused by a spouse.  You survived that!  That itself is a major accomplishment.   You have acknowledged what happened to you,  that is a major accomplishment.  You would not be on this page or in this group if you were still in denial. 

Most of you know that the abuse that happened to you is wrong,  that is a major accomplishment.  You are making a choice not to abuse other people.  You are making steps to become a better parent for your children,  from where you came from,  that itself is a great accomplishment. 

You people are making great steps forward.  Think about the compassion you have for people because you don't want someone else to get hurt like you have,  that compassion has grown you as a person.  You have developed a love and kindness toward people.  Anytime you show love and kindness toward someone,  you changed a life, think of that as an accomplishment.

You don't know how many lives will be changed or even saved because of people like you.  Keep this in mind. 

When you see the scars on your body from abuse,  remind yourself what you have accomplished and when you see lives changed, remind yourself that those scars changed people's lives.  Remind yourself that lives can be saved because of your scars.  Don't be ashamed of them, it is a symbol of the great accomplishments you have made and the accomplishments you will make in the future. 

You are more important than you think.  You are more significant than you think and you have accomplished much more than you think.

Rodney Calmes 

What To Do When We Encounter Triggers And Flashbacks

What To Do When We Encounter Triggers And Flaskbacks

Whenever we go through a traumatic event in our lives,  memory triggers and flashbacks occur.  Sometimes it can be several times a day.  This is the devil's way of robbing us from our joy.

Whenever you have a memory trigger or a flashback,  take it to God in prayer.  Vent that to Him.  Many times He leads us to remind ourselves that we have forgiven our abusers or if we have not forgiven them,  He will help lead us to forgiveness.  He also leads us to remind ourselves of the other people we may have been there for or helped. God may show us that if we have not gone through it ourselves that we would not be able to understand what they are going through.  We would never have been able to help that other person.

You may not know this,  but people are being blessed because of people like you.  Once you see that,  it will always be helpful when you are faced with memory triggers and flashbacks.  Continue to remind yourself how compassionate you became because of what you went through.  Remind yourself that you are a great blessing to other people,  especially those who went through what you did.  You may not know how many lives you may have saved because of what you went through.  You made a big difference in someone's life whether you know it or not. 

I want you to know that people like you can accomplish great things that you would not be able to accomplish if you had not experienced what you have.  Remind yourself of that also.

I, myself still get hit with memory triggers and flashbacks and I can share as a testimony that when I get hit with memory triggers and flashbacks that reminding myself of the people who have been blessed and the 4 lives that were saved from suicide, it has turned these memory triggers and flashbacks from a curse into a blessing.

If any of you are struggling with memory triggers or flashbacks,  I will pray for you. 

Rodney Calmes

It Is Ok To Be Loved And Be Treated With Kindness

It Is Ok To Be Loved And Be Treated With Kindness

We may know intellectually that it is ok to be loved and treated with kindness.  Sometimes it is hard for us to accept because we are used to having people be mean to us.   Getting this in our hearts can be difficult.

Someone may show kindness and we shy away.  It feels awkward. No matter how strange and awkward it feels,  always know that it is ok to have someone be kind to you.  It is ok to be loved.  God created you to be loved.  God created you to be treated with kindness.  Those who failed to treat you with love and kindness has sinned against God. 

It is right for you to be loved.  It is right for you to be treated with kindness.  It is wrong for someone to be mean to you.  It is wrong for someone to not love you.  We may know this in our minds, but it takes time to train our hearts to accept this. 

Love and kindness is what you need.  No matter how awkward and strange it feels,  tell yourself that it is ok to accept love and kindness.  You need it. 

I pray for you and I will be praying for everyone who sees this message.

Rodney Calmes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

Mistakes are something all of us have made.  Some of the mistakes we have made are sins, some of them are not.  We are all human and we all make mistakes.   No one is perfect and we can never be expected to be perfect.

Many times abusers will expect us to be perfect.  When we make a mistake,  they are like bad cops and they will abuse us for it.   They belittle us for making a mistake,  they may beat us for it and they have a way to make us feel inadequate and worthless for it.

We find ourselves walking on egg shells and being afraid to make a mistake.  When we make a mistake, we tremble in fear.  Based on how we were treated, we condition ourselves to think we are worthless and inadequate because of our mistakes.   We look at every mistake we make and we end up belittling ourselves for it.   We have a hard time forgiving ourselves because our abusers never forgave us and continued to harp on us for our mistakes.  We convince ourselves that the abuse was right for us.

We forget that Jesus has died on a cross for our sins and mistakes and He sees us as spotless and without blemish.   He has forgiven our mistakes.   We are seen as perfect in the eyes of God because of what Jesus has done for us.  I am not my mistakes.   You are not your mistakes.

Our mistakes is not something to get down on ourselves for.  Our mistakes do not make us worthless or inadequate.  Our mistakes do not define us as to who we are.  Our mistakes serve as a tool for us to learn and they become stepping stones as we continually grow as people.  We have to continually train ourselves to think this way. We need to take our mistakes as lessons learned and turn from them and LEAVE OUR MISTAKES BEHIND,  THEY ARE NOT A PART OF US.   If you have to repeatedly tell yourself this, do it.  Forgive yourself because God has already forgiven you.

We need to get out of the train of thought that our mistakes make us worthless and inadequate.  We need to get out of the train of thought that abuse is right for us because of a mistake we make.   We need to train ourselves to see our mistakes as lessons learned and stepping stones as we grow.  

Most important of all, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND LEAVE YOUR MISTAKES BEHIND. 

Rodney Calmes

What Happens When A Person Is Spanked Too Harshly Too Often

What Happens When A Person Is Spanked Too Harshly Too Often

I am now 42 years old.  This is a sample of what can happen when a person is spanked repeatedly with harsh objects.  This picture was taken after not getting spanked for a long time.  The whiter area of skin on the top right hand corner of the picture is the area that has not been spanked.  The darker area is the area that has been spanked with sticks repeatedly and often.  The darker area is very tough is very insensitive to pain and even very harsh spanking with not sting that area. The whiter area is very tender and sensitive to pain. 

This condition is permanent and irreversible.  It may only be a cosmetic thing. When people think that giving very harsh spankings to very young children think that they are going to teach them, that will only work for a while.  After getting enough spankings like that where a condition like this develops, that harsh spanking is not producing the sting that you are trying to use to teach them. 

This kind of condition is found on 2 types of people.  One are those who are involved with BDSM and the other are those who were spanked with large sticks or paddles as children where they were getting it for every knit picky little thing. 

This picture is a blurry picture and it was cropped just to be enough to show the skin samples for this illustration.  It was taken this morning 11/25/2013.  This does not happen with just one harsh spanking.  This happens with repeated harsh spankings over a period of time. 

Most people have not been spanked to this degree as children,  but there are some that have. 

Whenever a kid gets spanked with harsh instruments,  the softer tissues under the skin gets damaged and it heals into scar tissue which blocks off nerve endings and with enough times as more and more scar tissue builds up under the skin,  it will show through the skin.

This is why it is important to look for what is best for the child rather than just resorting to spanking.

What you see here are the physical effects of what abuse can do.  There is no way of posting a picture of the emotional and mental harm caused by abuse.

I hope that posting this that people who see what can happen to their children when they choose to abuse them.  If this prevents one child from being abused, it is well worth posting this.

Rodney Calmes

Must See This. This Is What Many People Who Are Being Abused Have To Face

http://vimeo.com/m/78178458

When Repeatedly Exposed To Pain, We Build Resistance To Pain And Further Damage Both Physically And Mentally

When Repeatedly Exposed To Pain , We Build Resistance To Pain And Further Damage Both Physically And Mentally

In my past posts,  I have talked about repeated over spanking causing a physical resistance to damage and pain.   This can get to a point where getting spanked with a stick does not hurt and no bruises show because of getting spanked so many times in the past,  our bodies built up our skin along with the nerve endings and soft tissue damage under the skin healing into scar tissue which is tough.  This is a part of our physical body's design that when it is going to be afflicted in one area regularly that it builds itself up to resist further damage.  Our emotions work the same way.

What we have been cut down, made fun of,  ridiculed,  and had mean things done to us repeatedly and often, we built mental calluses just like our physical bodies do and we eventually no longer feel the pain from the mean things done to us.  It can eventually lead us not to feel.  For a while I was called "Robot Rod" because I lost my ability to feel by the time I got to high school.   It was only God who restored my emotions. 

I can say from a personal experience that because of the frequency of spankings I took either at home or school,  things did not seem right when I stopped getting spanked,  so I would seek them out.  Not getting spanked seems like being in the Twilight Zone.  The same thing happens when so many have been mean to us and someone comes along and shows us love and kindness.

When so many people have been mean to us on a regular basis,  it gets to the point that the mean things don't have any effect on us any more.  When someone shows kindness,  we don't know how to take that.  It doesn't seem real and it is like being in the Twilight Zone.   We often feel like we are being hurt by the kindness and we think that it is the kindness.  It is not the kindness that hurts us, it is the hurts stored up from the mean things done to us that are starting to surface.  We start to cry and it becomes overwhelming to us so we run away from the kind person.  I myself have struggled with this.

There are many of you who may be struggling with this.  If you find yourself struggling with this,  I will pray for you.  Don't run away from kind people.  You were all created to be loved and treated with kindness.  It is only right for you.  As hard as it may be, embrace that kindness and the kind person may be giving you the opportunity to release those hurts.  Let them release. 

If you are that kind person and you find someone running from you,  understand what they are going through and continue to the best of your abilities to show kindness toward that person.  Your kindness and perseverance can change that person's life.   I, myself have run into people like that and I was like that myself.   Perseverance pays off.  Never give up on anyone,  you may have reached them when they need you the most. 

It is not right for anyone to not be loved.  I want to let you all know that you are loved.  If any of you need anything,  feel free to message me anytime.

Rodney Calmes

Our Past May Hit Us Several Times A Day, But Keep Looking Toward The Blessing We Have

Our Past May Hit Us Several Times A Day,  Keep Looking Toward The Blessing We Have

The deep wounds that were left on us take much time to heal.  One of the hardest steps is to forgive those who abused us,  bullied us,  or molested us.   From these things,  we carry much pain inside that must be released.  We have to work out forgiveness to those who wronged us.

The memories of our past hit us several times a day, but we cannot dwell on them, they will only hurt us more.   Keep looking forward.  If you have forgiven your abusers, remind yourself of that.  If you were able to change a life because of the abuse you went through,  remind yourself of that.  Changing people's lives is a blessing. 

You may not be the same person you were before you were abused, but you are a better person.  Remind yourself of that.  You may not know it, but you are a blessing to people.  Remind yourself of that. 

When you are reminded of your past, remind yourself that it has been nailed on the cross,  remind yourself that you forgave the abusers,  and remind yourself how many lives are blessed because of you.

God bless,
Rodney Calmes

"Bad Cops"

"Bad Cops"

"Bad cops" are referred to parents,  teachers, other forms of caretakers, bosses, or other forms of authorities who knit pick people.  

Having a bad cop does not benefit anyone, it does not promote behavior or performance.  It does the opposite.   Bad cops find little things that people do and punish them for it.   They expect people to read their minds and expect people to act according to what they think.   Every little thing that deviates from that,  a person gets punished. 

People under bad cops whether they are children or adults become discouraged.  They get punished and don't understand why.  It gets to a point where I am going to be punished anyway so I might as well do what I want.   We walk on egg shells when we are around these bad cops.  Their behavior destroys our confidence.   Their behavior makes us feel worthless.   Because we are walking on egg shells and we live in fear,  our performance drops in the event of a job situation.   We become fearful of our parents/caretakers and are afraid to even talk to them because of fear of making them mad or getting in their way.   We become fearful of asking teachers questions in fear of being punished for not getting it, thus our grades drop. 

The punishment we get from bad cops become ineffective because we have no escape from punishment.  We feel that we are going to get punished no matter what.   We feel that there is nothing we can do to avoid punishment.   We become resentful of these "bad cops". 

For those who were raised with "bad cops", it may be difficult at best to regain confidence.  For those who had "bad cops" for a boss, as soon as we move on to a better job environment,  our confidence comes back rather shortly.  We may also fear finding another job in fear that we would not make it.   For those who had "bad cops" for teachers,  we may lose confidence in school or academics and avoid schooling.  

We all run into "bad cops" somewhere down the line.  If you are struggling with this,  I will pray for you.

Always know that if we strive to please God rather than men,  God is well pleased with that.  

Rodney Calmes

An Art That Is Not Recognized

An Art That Is Not Recognized

Many people think that BDSM is always a sexual thing when 90 percent of the time it is not sexual.   It takes much creativity to set up the role playing,  create the settings,  and administer the punishment.  Spanking is a big part of this and spanking is not just giving swats on the butt,  it is done in a setting and being creative in acting out the disciplinarian's role in addressing a misbehavior that was done during the spanking.  It is an art to be able to do that in such a way to get the adrenaline flowing. 

Anyone can inflict pain on another person,  but it takes training to make that pain become a pleasurable experience.   That in itself is an art.  The marks left from spankings is an art as well. 

Art is highly respected and respectful.   BDSM shows a very high respect for the subs and the dommes.  It is not abuse because it is consentual.  BDSM also requires trust between all parties involved.   BDSM is a very beautiful thing to enjoy and embrace.

BDSM is an art that is just as valuable as any other form of art, but yet many people don't recognize that.  It is a very awesome experience.  You discover new things about yourself and you discover new beautiful things that can be embraced. BDSM is nothing to be ashamed of, it gives you the freedom to be yourself and to explore who you are. It also allows you to accept yourself and embrace every part of yourself. 

BDSM is an art and it is a freedom and it is very soothing to the soul.

Embrace who you are.  If you like BDSM,  embrace it,  don't be ashamed of it.

Rodney Calmes

  

Having Desires And Fascinations With Getting Spanked Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of

Having Desires And Fascinations With Getting Spanked Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of

You may have seen some people out in public making fun of that.  You may have struggled with feeling ashamed of having those desires in the past.  The public may have called it a disorder.  People may have said that it was unhealthy.  The fundamental Christians may have called it a sin.  All these things have been bombarded to us and because of that,  we feel ashamed because of it.  We try to hide that part of ourselves.  I myself have done that.  I have felt ashamed of who I am.  I tried to keep this part of me secret.  I asked God to take my desires and fascinations with getting spanked away from me.

I have studied the Bible very thoroughly and found nothing wrong with this.  I researched the laws and found nothing illegal.  Nothing gets done without consent.  For years it was called a disorder,  but now it is called an alternate lifestyle. 

For too long people have been shamed because of this for no reason.  For too long society has made people feel that there is something wrong with them because of this.  Where does the Bible call this a sin?  Where does it say in the laws that this is illegal?  Why are people being judged? Don't we have a right to be ourselves?  If this is not a sin and this is not illegal,  then why do people treat us like it is illegal or wrong?   When we look at Matthew 7, the Bible says judge not lest you be judged.  

Some of us has suffered needless anxiety because of how others judge us. I myself have felt that way.  I have tried to hide who I am because of fear of what others would think.  I have felt ashamed of who I am for no reason because of how people talk about those who like getting spanked.  God did not take those desires away for a reason.  God had a purpose for this.   To teach me not to judge others and accept others for their differences.  God taught me not to call anything a sin unless the Bible calls it a sin a and also to make a statement.  Through this,  God has also taught me to accept myself. 

When people call fascinations and desires to get spanked a "spanking fetish", that is putting a negative connotation on that.  When psychologists have called it a "psycho-sexual disorder" that is saying that there is something wrong with a person who likes getting spanked.  Those kind of statements causes people to have increased anxiety because of who they are.  This type of thing is nonsense and unnecessary and it hurts people more than helps them.  This is why in recent years it is called "alternate lifestyle".  This is why I never use "spanking fetish".  No one deserves to be ashamed of who they are.  I am not ashamed of who I am and I will not be ashamed of who I am. 

If any of you have ever felt this way before,  if you have been judged, or if you have felt ashamed of who you are,  there is nothing to be ashamed of as long as it is legal and the Bible does not call it is sin.  It is also about time that Christians stop judging people for things that the Bible does not call a sin and to accept the differences of others.   It is about time that Christians come along side others and encourage them rather than judge them.  When someone is in sin, we are to gently restore them with the Bible rather than beating them down with the Bible  (see Galatians 6:1).  I, myself am a Christian and it is our responsibility to stand up for what is right,  to love the people and accept the differences of others.  

I thank God that He has not taken away my desires and fascinations of getting spanked because if He would have,  I myself would have been judgmental and less accepting of the differences of others. 

I hope to make a difference in people's lives and that this will free people from unnecessary shame.

God bless you all

Rodney Calmes

Trusting That All Things Will Work Out For Good Romans 8:28

Trusting that God will work out all things for good.  Romans 8:28

When we have worked out all the emotional pain,  came out of denial and got to a point where we accepted what happened to us and worked out our forgiveness of our abusers, molesters, and bullies,  which does not mean being around those people or trusting them, but releasing our hatred and bitterness toward them, we have taken some very crucial steps toward healing.  The next step is a hard one and it is hard to understand.  It involves faith and trust that God will work it out for good.

Abuse does physical, emotional, mental, intellectual, and spiritual damage to a person. It changes them.  I have shared in previous posts on how it has effected me throughout my life and the characteristics that I carry because of it.  I could never understand how that is all going to work out for good. I was damaged by it.  I hated myself.  I tried to pretend to be someone else.  I was ashamed of many things about myself, even things that the Bible does not call a sin.  I thought "How is that going to work out for good?  How can it work out for good?  I am not the person I would have been if I never went through that."

I had to completely trust God and have faith that it would all work out for good.  I had nothing to go on.  That part gets revealed to us later. God shows us and works in us through the faith that we have in Him. I was 27 when I had to rely on just trust and faith in God with this. 

How has God worked this all out for good for me?  God has used me to be an encouragement to many people because of what I went through.  He has given me the ability to have compassion on people who have been abused and bullied.  He has given me the ability to have compassion on those who have no one else and to be there for them.  4 known suicides were prevented and who knows how many more.  God has caused me to make a difference in many people's lives.  None of this would have happened if I have never been abused, bullied,  or molested by another kid in school.  My pages would have never existed. I would have never came to know Jesus Christ. I would have never been able to encourage a woman in my church who was suffering from cancer.

You may not understand why you went through the things you have.  You may not understand how that can work out for good. I hope that my testimony helps you to see how God took the evil things that were done to me and turned that around for me. God can do that for you also.  It takes faith and trust in Him to do it.  It will come in time, but it takes patience and perseverance of faith. Don't give up, because God will turn your curses into a blessing.

Rodney Calmes

Self Pity Leads To Destruction

Self Pity Leads To Destruction

Coming out of denial and accepting and acknowledging what happened to us is our first steps toward healing.  When we have taken these steps in a positive direction,  we can be tempted to keep reliving our past and feel sorry for ourselves. 

Reliving our past is Satan's way to get our lives to spiral downward to destruction.  We become deceived into believing that we are healing when we are going backwards.  Our lives become more and more of a mess.  That leads to greater and greater destruction.  I know a very good woman who went down that path and she now can no longer function in society.  Her skin is very pale and she looks like a mess.  As we continue to relive our past,  the abuse becomes worse and worse.   STAY OUT OF THE PAST!

Luke 9:62  "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back is fit for the kingdom of God."

This is why forgiveness of our abusers is a crucial step after we have accepted what happened to us, it keeps us from reliving our past.  Jesus died for all sins on a cross.  He has forgiven our sins and the sins of others.  No one person can sin against us as much as we have sinned against God.  God has forgiven us, so we ought to forgive others. 

Matt 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men their trespasses,  your heavenly Father will also forgive you.   But if you do not forgive men their trespasses,  neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses. "

We must keep moving forward and looking to our goal.  We need to keep running the race that is set before us and trust that God will work this all out for good (Romans 8:28-30).  We must keep running the race that is set before you. 

Philippians 3:13-14  "but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward for those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. "

There is a difference between looking at the past and learning from it and reliving the past. Learn from the past,  but don't keep dwelling there.  Satan attacks us enough by giving us flashbacks and ptsd. When that happens,  we have to remind ourselves not to keep dwelling there.  We have to remind ourselves that we forgave our abusers and keep pressing forward.  We have to trust that God will work it out for good (Romans 8:28-30). In time,  it will be revealed to us. 

Looking back will destroy you.  Looking forward and being in prayer and God's word will help you and God can use you to do great things as a result of what you have been through. 

Keep moving forward.  When you fall, get up and keep moving.  You will get there.

God bless you,
Rodney Calmes

"My Dad Used To Do This To Me!"

"My Dad Used To Do This To Me"

"My dad used to do this to me" is not an excuse for abuse.  It does not justify abuse. We all have the responsibility to unlearn what is wrong and relearn what is right. Whether a person chooses to abuse or do what is right is ultimately their choice and responsibility.  You may read my story "My Life Story In Detail" what I went through, but I chose to use the things I went through to be compassionate and kind towards others who have been abused, bullied, raped, etc.  That was my choice to do that.  I did not choose to use that as an excuse to abuse other children or animals.  I have a good wife who can testify that I never abused her and our love for each other runs deep.  I babysat kids and none of those kids would ever testify that I abused them. That was my choice.

You have a choice to decide what you are going to do with your life.  You also can make a difference in people's lives.  You can choose love and kindness over abuse. That choice is ultimately yours. "My dad used to do this to me" is no excuse for the choices you make. 

Rodney Calmes

The Final Stages Of Healing From Abuse

The Final Stages Of Healing From Abuse

Romans 8:28-30 talks about God working ALL things for good.  Also we have a life long session of unlearning what is wrong and relearning what is right according to the Bible.  These parts take work. We have already released our hurts and forgiven our abusers at this point.  Now we must keep working at unlearning the bad and relearning the good.  Our characters are forming.  We also trust God to work that out for good, this is not just sitting there and letting things happen.  There are people out there.  We have become victorious,  now it is time to help others become victorious.  This takes continual work.  I am not saying that everyone should have an abuse page.  I am saying that there are people who come into your life that may need your help.  When you earnestly seek to help others, that heals you also.  When you have flashbacks,  you are reminded about those you have helped and the flashbacks become much easier to deal with.  We see how much we have been blessed because of what we went through rather than cursed. If you work at it,  you will get to this point.  If you just sit there and do nothing,  you will remain a victim. 

Let's work to be survivors rather than victims.

God bless you all

Rodney Calmes

It Is Hard To Trust The Type Of People Who Abused You

It Is Hard To Trust The Type Of People Who Abused You.

Some of you may have experienced this and I will share my experiences with this also.  Sometimes for example,  when a person was abused by men, they tend to not trust men, or when a person is abused by women,  they tend not to trust women.

I have taken my harshest spankings by my grandpa. I have taken some harsh spankings from my step dad.  I was bullied in school mostly by boys, and when I was molested by an older kid in school,  that kid was a boy.  Later on,  I have tended to be more open with females than males.  I have a much harder time opening up to other men, even though I am a man myself.  Don't get me wrong,  I have had male friends,  but it seems that females were more supportive of me maybe because I was more open with them.  It does not mean that I had a crush on them.   Most of my conversations with other males are very superficial.  I have had deeper conversations with females.  I have gravitated more toward females in college,  and other social events. 

It takes a very long time for me to trust other males and open up to them.  It eventually happens if I have never been belittled by that person and the person demonstrated themselves to be loving and caring people.  Once a harsh word comes out of their mouth,  I lose all trust and I feel that I can never open up to that person again.  It is taking time for these things to work out.  I consciously know that there are good men out there,  but in
Subconsciously,  I have become more apprehensive to share deep things with them.  It takes much time to work out of this.

If you have struggled with this,  know that not all men are bad, not all women are bad either.  There are a lot of good men and women out there along with bad ones.  Trust can be one of the hardest things.  If you are struggling with this,  I will pray for you.

Rodney Calmes

Something I Have Never Revealed

Something I Have Never Revealed

This happens a lot to women,  but is not very common to happen to men.  I was ashamed to talk about this and I never did.  Only a couple people in private messages.  I am very nervous about revealing this.

When I was 9, I was molested by another older kid in school.  I was afraid to tell my parents in fear of getting punished.   I was threatened to be harmed if I did not cooperate with him.  This happened in the back of the bus. He had me expose my genitals and played with them and when oral activity was going to occur,  I had to urinate and I urinated in his mouth.  I made up another story when I came home. 

This is something I never physically talked to anyone about this.  I was ashamed of this and was afraid to reveal this.  I feared that people would think less of me because of this.

I have never dealt with this and kept it secret until now.

Rodney Calmes

Does God Take Away Every Side Effect Of Abuse?

Does God Take Away Every Side Effect Of Abuse?

God will work out the things that are considered sinful,  He will heal emotional pain, He will give you peace and He will work it out for good. 

Some of the side effects can be having the understanding of what abuse does and being able to relate to others who have been abused.  God will not take that one away.  Others that are not sin issues can be used to build our character and make us better people.  There may be other side effects that God will not take away because He has a purpose for them.

When we trust God,  He takes all that we have been through and makes us better people.  We may be a product of our environment,  but we are better people because of what we went through.

I will list some side effects of abuse that I still carry and that God has not and some that God will not take away from me.

1.  Compassion for others who are being or have been abused or bullied.   I relate to them well and understand what they are going through.  This gives me the ability to help those people.

2.  Compassion for those who have no one.   I will be someone who cares and will be there for them. 

3.  Compassion for those who are different because I am very much different myself.  I can encourage them.

4.  Knowing what it is like to feel pain.  I end up having compassion for others who feel pain and will do what I can to come along side them and encourage them.

5.  I have developed spanking desires as a result of the harsh spankings I took as a child.  I assumed that it was a sin and asked God to take that away from me.  God had a better answer. By not taking that from me,  I have learned not to call anything a sin unless the Bible calls it a sin.  I have learned to understand others and accept their differences rather than judge them.  I have also learned to come along side people who are struggling rather than beat them down.  I have learned to accept myself and my differences because of that.  I have learned that it is ok to embrace in things as long as the Bible does not call it a sin.  I also have learned not to stereotype without completely looking in to it.  Example:  people stereotype BDSM as sexual when most of the time it is not.

6.  I didn't trust in how I was raised. I learned to trust the Bible instead.  Society changes.  It was considered ok by society to beat your kids with sticks in the 70's, now society went to no spankings.  I have learned not to trust society either.  The Bible never changes. I learned to research the true meaning of the Bible by researching the original Hebrew and Greek root word meanings rather than just trusting the English (Word Study Guides help).

7.  Healing takes time and it takes time to unlearn the bad things and relearn the good things.  I have learned to be patient with people through this. 

Forgiving your abusers and bullies is a major step toward healing after you have trusted Jesus and surrendered yourself to Him and accepted Him as Lord and Savior as He died on the cross for your sins and rose from the dead to prepare a place for you in heaven.

Trusting that God will work all things out for good, even the abuse,  bullying,  and side effects of those things.   God will work out all of that for good.  That will unfold when you trust God with that first.

Rodney Calmes

How God Has Worked Out The Abuse And Bullying Out For Good In My Life Along With Its Complications

How God Has Worked Out The Abuse And Bullying Out For Good In My Life Along With Its Complications

The abusive spankings I took from my grandparents resulted in having an understanding of others who have been abused and being able to relate to them.  It also helped me to search out the Bible for wisdom rather than relying on how I was raised.  My living with my grandparents to begin with resulted in divorce and the complications I faced from that helped me to see and believe the truth of God's Word. 

The bullying I went through has helped me to understand what it is like to have no one.  I can relate to others who are in that situation.  It has caused me to care about those people and when I see that they are alone,  I would be there for them.  When I read the Bible,  it has taught me that God loves me regardless of how others treated me,  I was also able to share that with others who felt unloved.  It has helped me to help others know that they are loved.  4 lives were saved from suicide because I was there for people and understood them.  They have seen what I have gone through and were encouraged that there was hope.

I have shared my story on the internet and in a dvd. It has given people at Golden House hope.  Golden House is an abuse shelter in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I have gotten feedback from them when I made another donation to them. 

I became very withdrawn and detached from my emotions.  I became robot like.  When I accepted Jesus Christ, God restored my emotions and restored me as a person.   This has shown me God's power to restore people.  God can restore you too.

I was taught and treated like there was something wrong with me.  God taught me that He created me and all my characteristics and differences has given me a measure of wisdom that He desires me to have.   The person God has created is good.  That includes me and that includes you.  When we accept Jesus Christ and repent of any known sin,  we are a new creation,  we are the person that God created us to be.

I am not the same person that I would have been had I not faced these things in life.  I may have had more friends,  I may have made more money,  I may have lived a life in which the world would call "a happy life".  I also know that I would not have recognized my need for God.   I would have never come to know and accept Jesus,  and I would probably have been married to a different woman than the one I have because if I have not known Jesus,  I would have never met my wife.  I also would have never had the care, love,  or compassion on those who needed someone.  I would not have been the loving person I am.   I realize that the things I have been through has made me a better person. 

My involvement with BDSM and my fascinations with getting spanked would not have happened if I did not get the abusive spankings I got as a child.  I had a hard time accepting myself because of that.  I knew that my childhood spankings brought that on.  I would have never chosen to have those desires or fascinations with getting spanked.   I was ashamed of who I was.  I asked God to take that away.    Even though this lifestyle is different,  there is nothing in the Bible that calls it a sin.  In the end,  I learned not to call anything a sin unless I can prove it in the Bible.  I also learned to accept the differences of others and not judge them.  I also know what it is like to struggle.  For those who struggle with sin, to understand them,  pray for them,  and gently restore them with the Bible.  I also learned that it is ok to be myself and embrace in my differences, even this lifestyle, it is now a part of who I am.  I have also learned to accept myself through this along with being more accepting of others. 

I have also sinned and done many bad things in my life.  Jesus forgave me and called me to forgive those who wronged me.  What I have been through has shown me what it is to forgive.  It was hard but very necessary for healing. 

The damage that was done to me from abuse and bullying was great and sharing that has brought awareness of what abuse and bullying does,  me sharing about that may have opened up the eyes of others and may have prevented another person from being bullied or may have caused someone to take abuse more serious and report it.  Sharing about what kindness does may have promoted more kindness.  This can spiral and change lives.  I hope that many lives get changed.  I believe it has.
I now have a message:  There is hope for you.  God can give you victory through this just like He has done for me.  You may not be the same, but you will be better people.   God can take the evil things that happened to you and turn them around for good just like He has done for me.  Forgive those who wronged you and trust God to work these things out for you and He will.  God will use you to do great things and change the lives of many people because of someone like you.

Rodney Calmes

My Story Of How I Have Learned To Accept Myself

My Story Of How I Have Learned To Accept Myself

In May 2012, I started my page Support For Those Who Have Been Abused. I have already found emotional healing from the abuse and bullying I went through and I shared it on my page. There were things about me that I kept secret or tried to keep secret. One of those was my sensitivity and that I cried easily when I saw others who were sad. I was ashamed of that for years. The other was my desires and fascination with getting spanked and whipped. I never wanted to share about my desires and fascination with getting spanked and whipped because I felt that people would think less of me. I shared it because I had to. That was a part of me that I resented and hated about myself even though the Bible never called that a sin. The reason that I hated that about myself is because abusive spankings have triggered that. I have consented to being caned with a metal rod that left some nasty scars.

What lead me to share about that? Starting in 2011, someone took a picture of me changing clothes and revealed my scarred butt all over the internet by posting that picture in accounts he has opened in my name. That picture was taken about 5 months after I consented to getting whipped. I never gave him permission to take that picture and I never consented to him posting that on the internet. There are accounts in Google, Facebook, Twitter, and possibly others that have that picture in it. He friended all my friends and posted that picture. He opened accounts under "Adrienne Calmes", and "Dorothy Vankampen" along with accounts in my name. There may be others. He posted that picture on my pages and other pages that I have been involved with. There is no one who has not seen that picture that I know of. I tried to tell people that a heater caused that. It is obvious by that picture that the heater did not cause that. This was the beginning.

I have shared my story on my page and other pages as well. My family got a hold of that and it created many problems in the family because they didn't want to admit to the fact that my grandparents abused me. My family and relatives went into denial, only a couple talked about it. One uncle covered my back on that. The rest were against me. Later on there was a pending lawsuit. Prior to the pending of the lawsuit, the person who posted that picture got a $300.00 fine for harassment. Now that picture was no longer his responsibility. It became my responsibility because it was a picture of me. He is now under double jeopardy laws regarding that. That picture is now free for the public because of that. In order to get the lawsuit dropped, I had to disclose that I consented to getting whipped and that my grandparents where not responsible for those scars everywhere that the picture existed. I also had to disclose that on facebook and Google also.

Now this is no longer a secret, now it is public information. I was very uncomfortable because of that. Now that everyone knows about it, I might as well keep sharing about it. The more I shared about it, the easier it got. People have commented and encouraged me. It led to others talking about their involvement with that also. It was turning from a curse into a blessing. My revealing the desires and fascination with getting spanked has freed me from having to keep secrets, it has helped me to accept that part of myself and not be ashamed of it. The more I posted about that, the more I was able to be at peace with who I am. I am sure it has freed others as well. This is another example of how God can take bad things that happen to us and turn it around for good. Had that picture never been posted on the internet, everything would still be a secret and I would have never got to a point where I was able to accept myself for who I am.

For all those who have supported me through that time when that picture was being posted and those who encouraged me when I had to publicly disclose that, I would like to thank you greatly. I would have never got through that without you. Thank all of you for supporting me through that. I would have never been set free if it were not for you.

Rodney Calmes

The Importance Of Accepting Yourself As Essential For Healing From Abuse Or Bullying Issues

The Importance Of Accepting Yourself As Essential For Healing From Abuse Or Bullying Issues

I have talked about in previous posts about the emotional healing from abuse and bullying. This involves accepting what happened and coming out of denial, accepting what happened to you was wrong, forgiving your abusers and bullies, and trusting God and that He will work all things for good Romans 8:28-30, this includes the abuse and bullying you went through.

There is more to healing than just the emotional healing. Childhood abuse and bullying has programmed the brain which makes up who we are. Our personalities, likes and dislikes, what makes us happy and what makes us sad is effected by the abuse and bullying. We have to unlearn all things that are wrong and unhealthy and relearn what is right and good. This is a life long process. I had to go through that and I am still going through that process day by day. I have learned a lot by reading the Bible and that has taught me to see myself how God sees me and that God created me for who I am. What God created is good, that includes you and me. It took a long time for me to learn that. I am still learning things and growing as a person day by day. This is very essential. You cannot go on thinking of yourself as being worthless or useless because that will destroy you.

If you have accepted Jesus Christ, you are a new creation, you are cleansed of all sin. You are beautiful. God can use you to do great things. It took a long time for me to unlearn that I was useless and worthless to learn that God can use me to do great things. Another essential part of our healing is accepting ourselves and accepting who we are and who God created us to be. Even though our environment and upbringing has a lot to do with who we are and the way we think, feel, what we like and what we don't like, that is all a part of us. I was ashamed of having desires and fascinations with spankings for many years and I could not accept that about myself. I had a hard time accepting my sensitivity to other people's sadnesses and hurts, because I am more sensitive to that than the average person. I struggled for many years even after having emotional healing from the abuse and bullying I went through with accepting myself for who I am.

I have very recently accepted myself and learned to embrace who I am and what I liked no matter how different it is. I have learned to accept my differences and not be ashamed of them. This is essential to having peace and being able to grow as a person. If those differences involves sin, repent and confess that to God and He will work out all sin issues in your life. God has helped me with a lot of sin issues and He changed me from them. The things about myself that are not sin issues, God left them to be a part of me, even if I did not like those parts about myself.

If you are struggling with accepting your differences whether those differences came from the abuse you went through or not, I will pray for you. If you struggle with sin, I will pray for you also. I will not judge you. I will be here to love you and support you any way I can.

God bless you,
Rodney Calmes

Abusive Spankings Are Resented Along With Its Side Effects

Abusive Spankings Are Resented Along With Its Side Effects.

I have taken many spankings and whippings in my life. Many of them were abusive, many of them were not as severe but used for punishment, many of them were done as playing around or birthday spankings, and many of them were either done by myself or I consented to as an adult. I received many spankings for things I did wrong. I received many spankings for things that I had no idea what I did to get them. I received many spankings for not catching on to things. I also received some spankings for incidental things that I had no control over. I resented all spankings I got as a child that involved hardwood sticks. I resented having to pull my pants down to get spanked (stick or no stick). I resented getting spanked for not catching on to things. I resented getting spanked for things that I did not know any better on. I resented getting spanked for incidental things or things I had no control over. I did not resent my birthday spankings or any other playful spankings. I did not resent the spankings and whippings that I consented to even though they left a lot of huge scars and were more severe than the spankings I took as a child.

I resented having desires and fascinations with spankings that I had since I was 8 because my abusive childhood spankings have triggered that. I resented myself as a person because I knew that my abusive childhood spankings had a lot to do with who I am today. I was ashamed of who I am and I was ashamed of having those desires. I didn't resent the actual spankings I consented to, but I resented having the desires of it. I have asked God to take my desires and fascinations with getting spanked away from me. I researched the Bible very thoroughly. I looked for a reason that it was a sin. I could not find anything in the Bible about that. God never took that away from me. I asked Him and plead with Him many times about that and nothing changed. It was this very thing that has taught me to accept myself for who I am. This taught me to embrace who I am as long as the Bible does not call it a sin. Sharing this has helped me to accept myself for who I am. This is why I have made a lot of posts about this. I am now much more at peace about who I am and my desires and fascination with spankings. I am no longer ashamed of this. I have no reason to be ashamed of this.

If you have any struggles with who you are, I will pray for you. If you have any struggles with sin, I will not condemn you, but pray for you. Embrace who you are. Embrace what you like as long as it is not sinful. Don't be ashamed of who you are or who God created you to be, repent of any known sin. God will help you with any sin issues, but God may not change who you are if it is not a sin issue. Accept who you are and accept yourself. God created you as a beautiful person.

Rodney Calmes

My Background Which Lead To My Fascination And Desires Of Getting Spanked

My Background Which Lead To My Fascination And Desires Of Getting Spanked

Many of my childhood spankings bring back bad memories. I have been severely spanked with sticks even on my bare butt. Those are the kind that bring the worst memories. I was a child and I never consented to that. I was spanked like that by my grandparents when I was 4-5 years old. After my grandparents, I had a step dad who spanked me with a stick. Sometimes it was bare butt. My last bare butt spanking was at age 7. None of those were good memories for me. When I was spanked on my bare butt at age 7, as I was bent over and was made to pull my pants down, the adrenaline started to rush and I started to shake. I took my spanking with a 1x2 stick and I felt endorphins running through me as I felt each swat and the cracking noise was as loud as a firecracker. I was in the basement at that time and the neighbor kids heard it loudly from outside and asked what happened. I told them and they told me that their dad does that to them. I have taken more severe spankings from my grandparents, but I don't recall having the adrenaline and endorphins running through me during those times. I do remember getting hit hard enough with the stick that instead of feeling a stinging, my butt felt like it was getting electric shocks. I know that a wooden stick will not carry current. I have been spanked with sticks by my step dad many times. My step dad only physically made me pull my pants down once. That was the spanking I took at age 7. I have taken a bare butt spanking with a stick when I was 5 by my step dad when I flushed my underwear down the toilet and I was already naked. After age 7, I was never spanked with a stick again until I was 10, most of my spankings in that time period was open hand. My mother addressed it at that time when I was 7. At age 10, I had behavior problems and the spanking with a stick was the last resort and I had 2 spankings at age 10. From 8 to 10, I mainly got spanked with an open hand with only a few swats. I was also spanked nearly daily in school with an open hand for misbehaving from age 6-9. I was a trouble maker in school.

I did not resent the open hand spankings I got. I only resented the spankings I got with 1x2 sticks, and I resented having to pull my pants down and exposing my butt to get spanked, I felt violated by that and it was an invasion of my privacy and very degrading. Spankings were not only used as a form of punishment when I was growing up, but they were also used as a form of play. Birthday spankings was a big family tradition. My birthday landed on July 7. We were always up at my uncle's resort for the 4th of July week, so I would get birthday spankings from all my family and relatives that were there. They may have gotten carried away and spanked a little harder than they should have, but I had no problems with it and I had fun with that. I knew it was play and I would laugh along with everyone else when I got my spankings. My step dad meant well for what he grew up with. There were a lot of times we wrestled around with each other in the form of play and I would get spanked. That spanking was meant as play and I never had any hard feelings about that. I had fun with that also. There were games I have played with other kids and if I lost, I had to go through the spanking machine where they lined up and I had to crawl under them between their legs and get spanked. The faster I went, the less I got spanked, the slower I went, the more spankings I took. I lost most of the time and I never rushed going through the spanking machine. I was 10 when this first started and it ended when I was 11 just about 12. I will never forget the adrenaline and endorphins that ran through me on that bare butt spanking I took when I was 7. From that point forward, I started to have a fascination with being spanked. I figured that it was this event that triggered my fascination with spankings. A lot of my fascination with spankings was also curiosity driven to see what happens as the number of swats increase along with the progression of the permanent skin changes that occur with being spanked on a regular basis for periods of time.

Rodney Calmes

Listening And Praying Is More Important Than Being A Solution To Their Problems

Listening And Praying Is More Important Than Being A Solution To Their Problems Many times people come to us with very difficult and hurtful situations in their lives. If you have no clue as to what they are going through, that is ok. They come to you because they want someone just to listen and pray for them. Sometimes that is all we can do. Saying to someone "I know what you are going through", or "I feel for you" does not do any good when you have never been through their situation yourself, that is very ineffective. Never tell someone that God will work out their bad situations for good without sharing a testimony of a situation you faced. You can share some bad things you have gone through and give a testimony of how God got you through it or how God worked out even the worst things in your life for the overall good. I have shared my testimony many times on my pages and groups. I have also shared that to people who are going through difficult times. This would be an indirect way and effective way of telling them that God will get them through it. If you don't have a clue on how to solve their problems, don't try to drum up solutions that most of the time does not work. It is more important just to listen to them, love them, and pray for them. Listening, loving and praying means the most to them. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Non-Sexual Masochism/Non-Sexual BDSM

Non-Sexual Masochism/Non-Sexual BDSM

Many people have heard of sexual masochism or sexual BDSM.  BDSM is not always about sex.  BDSM involves being intrigued by pain, bondage, or discipline.  It has various types of role playing.  It can be an art. Each person likes different things.  Some like humiliation, some like bondage or prison scene.  Some like pain in various areas.  Some like the common practice of disciplines and corporal punishment.

I have practiced BDSM and I like to get spanked.  I like the sensations of my butt maxing out in pain then turning numb during a paddling.  I like how my butt turns red, then dark red, then purple,  then blood seeping through the pores of the skin and then it is black.  This happens when you are new to being spanked.  The more often you get spanked,  the less color the butt shows. Eventually after a good paddling,  I will turn a light red before blood seeps through the pores of the skin.  

I also like the sensations of the stick hitting my butt or the whip cutting through the skin.  I have been whipped with a metal cane and left deep scars on my butt.  I often look at the scars and I am very intrigued by that.  It is like a fine work of art.  I also like the sensations of raw wood across my butt, even if it is just lightly rubbing.  I also like very hard spankings with sticks. 

I like the sensations of my butt wiggling like jello when being spanked with paddles.  I also like the residual soreness and the swelling after the spanking. 

I often look at my butt after getting spanked or whipped and I like the damage it has done.  I am also intrigued by watching the healing process.  Most of this is curiosity driven.  I also like to know how many swats I got. 

My ideal setting when being spanked is an authority figure that is female with female bystanders and me the one who misbehaved.  This can be officer/criminal,  teacher/student,  nurse/patient or boss/employee, etc. I also like to be spanked in large auditoriums packed with people as well.  All my spankings are bare butt.  Bare butt is the only way I like it.

I like all of these things mentioned above I like even when I am not in a sexual mood.  Most of the time it is curiosity driven.  90 percent of the time,  sex is not involved and many times it has no sexual effect.  I just like it. 

Rodney Calmes

False Teachings In The Church That Has Lead To Much Evil

False Teachings In The Church That Has Lead To Much Evil

1. Beating wives into submission. Read Ephesians 5:22-33 very closely. This talks about husbands loving the wife like Christ loves the church. Christ gave Himself for the church. The husband ought to look after his wife and protect, provide, care for her needs and do what is best for her and the wife ought to submit to that so the husband can accomplish that job. Nothing is meantioned in the Bible about beating the wives. Beating your wife would violate Ephesians 5:22-33.

2. Beating children with harsh instruments. I have talked about this in my past posts. Study your Hebrew and you will never find anything in the Bible about using harsh, damaging instruments. "Rod" in Hebrew is a fresh new growth off a branch which gives a sting but does no harm.

3. Shedding blood on children. Looking at Proverbs, Ephesians 6:1-4, Colossians 3:21, and Luke 12:47-48. Combining these together, you will not shed blood. Hebrews 9-10. It is the blood of Jesus that paid for all sin. There is no more any sacrifice needed for sin.

4. Blood penances. See point 3. Blood penances were given since medieval times up until early 20th century. This included spanking until the butt bleeds, whipping backs bloody, and walking on stony surfaces on the knees until the knees bled. People were walking on bloody knees to bring upon the apparition of Mary in 1999.

These types of sacrifices are not necessary when Jesus paid it all. In the history of the church, the things mentioned above (beating wives, beating children with blunt and harsh instruments, shedding blood on children, and blood penances) were practiced for centuries in the church. Some churches practice one or more of these things today, including Muslims and Mormons along with some others.

Rodney Calmes

Self Harm And BDSM Has Their Differences

Self Harm And BDSM Has Their Differences Sometimes the same physical things happen during self harm and masochism. There is a distinct difference. There is two types of masochism (sexual and non-sexual). Self harm involves fighting emotional pain, or doing something to yourself because you feel that you deserve it, or feeling that you are worthless so you feel that getting hurt serves you right and you do something to hurt yourself. Masochism involves inflicting pain on yourself because you like it or you are intrigued with it. It does not have to be sexual, but it can be. Spanking is a very common activity for both self harm, non-sexual masochism and sexual masochism. The same physical thing is being done, but there is a difference. I will show examples of that. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a stick until skin is broken because I have a habit of driving too fast and I need to punish myself for that. This is self harm. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a stick or whip until skin is broken because I like the sensations of that stick or whip hitting my butt and I like to see the damage that gets done. I am very intrigued by that. I was not in a sexual mood and nothing sexual happened. There was no intention for anything sexual. I just like getting spanked. This is an example of non sexual masochism. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a stick or whip until skin is broken because my grandparents used to treat me like that. Things don't seem right if I am not getting spanked like that. I feel that I need it. It is not normal for me not to get hurt. Spanking is normal for me and something seems wrong if I go a day without getting spanked. This is self harm. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a stick or whip or large paddle because I like to see how much pain I can feel and I like the sensations of my butt getting numb from that. After my butt numbs, I like the sounds of that loud crack of the stick or paddle hitting my bare butt. I also like the sounds of the whip making a loud whistle through the air before hitting my butt. Nothing sexual happened. I am intrigued by the sensations and the sounds. This is non sexual masochism. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a stick because I have much emotional pain and I need some adrenaline and endorphins to help me feel better. My moods are lifted for a while, then the emotional pain creeps back, so I do it again. This is self harm. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a hand, stick, paddle or whip because I like the sensations of my butt wiggling like jello when it gets hit. Nothing sexual happened or intended to happen. This is non sexual masochism. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a harsh, damaging object because I feel that I am worthless and it is not right for something better to happen to me. This is self harm. I spank myself or have someone spank me because I get sexually turned on by that. I either get sexually turned on by the sensations or pain or by the damage done to my butt. That is sexual masochism. I, myself have been involved with all of the above. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Your Uniqueness Is What Makes You Beautiful

You are all unique. Embrace in your uniqueness and embrace in your differences. Your uniqueness and differences is how God created you. Want God created is good, that includes you. Your uniqueness and differences is what makes you a beautiful person.

Rodney Calmes

Families Will Deny Our Abuse Leaving Us Alienated And Alone

Families Will Deny Our Abuse Leaving Us Alienated And Alone When we have been abused by our families, they will deny the abuse or tone it down. When we bring up the things that we remember, they will try to convince us that our memories are inaccurate or invalidate our memories and make us feel that we are nuts. They will accuse us of lying and making it up. When we tell our friends about our abuse and they find out, they will convince our friends that we are lying and our friends will no longer listen to us. When we talk about it in the church, they will convince the church that we are lying and can lead some to get kicked out. Others will not be heard. They will appear to be good people on the outside and they may be well liked. People will tend to believe them and not believe us. This ends up leaving us alienated and alone. I have personally experienced this with my family. I had to block them from my Facebook and open another facebook account with just family because of that. They also came to some people in my church as well and tried to invalidate me there also. God knows what they have done and of their pride, self-righteousness, and arrogance which if they don't repent and change their ways, they will find themselves in hell. God knows what you have been through and He understands your struggles. What they have done to you, they have done to God also. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Talking To Yourself Can Help You Think More Clearly

Talking To Yourself Can Help You Think More Clearly Many people do not understand when others talk to themselves. It is something I do regularly. I have no imaginary friends. I am fully coherent and aware of my surroundings when I do it. Sometimes I spew out numbers, thoughts, or what I am planning to say to a person most of the time in a whisper or soft voice. It may not seem normal but I think a lot more clearly when I do that. Sometimes talking out my thoughts when I am alone can help me sort my thoughts and feelings. It can be more healthy, but many are judged as being nuts or they are made fun of because of that. Some people will judge me or others like me as having imaginary friends, which is not true. I now work in a shop full of people who talk out their thoughts to themselves and working by them, I can hear their next thought about what they are going to do next. I have been like that since childhood and working with those guys have helped me to know that I am not alone. This is nothing to be ashamed of. That is a part of me. Any differences you have, you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are all unique and beautiful. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

An Example Of Hebrews 9:22 "No Remission Of Sin Without The Shedding Of Blood" Being Practiced Incorrectly.

An Example Of Hebrews 9:22 "No Remission Of Sin Without The Shedding Of Blood" Being Practiced Incorrectly. There was a man who had many children and he had some grandchildren living with him temporarily. He would spank his children and grandchildren until their butts bled for every little thing with the purpose of making remission for their sins. He would take them down stairs with his other children male and female to watch the kid getting spanked on their bare butt until it bled. The sounds of the stick hitting that bare skin was so loud that it could be heard loudly upstairs if you were not in the basement at that time. One day, on a Sunday after confession the kids were upstairs and that man went downstairs alone and you could hear the same noises that a stick hitting bare skin would make and just as loud, but this time there were no kids screaming and no one else down there. One of the kids heard the noise and asked his dad what he was doing and the dad responded "there is no remission for sin except for the shedding of blood" as the man was walking with only very short steps afterward and would avoid sitting as much as possible. This was something that I did not personally witness but heard about from trustworthy people. I will not share any names or give any hints about who it is. The key thing that was forgotten was that in the whole chapters 9 and 10 of Hebrews, Jesus shed His blood on a cross for all sin for all time. There is no more sacrifice needed for sin. Jesus is the only One who can make remission for sin and He only had to die once and then rose from the dead and all sin is paid for.

Rodney Calmes

BDSM Comes With No Shame

BDSM Comes With No Shame The unique thing I like about BDSM is that I can practice it with no shame. I am a Christian and because the Bible does not address BDSM, I can practice it with no guilt. There is nothing better than to be able to embrace what I like with no shame or guilt. I don't have to be ashamed of the scars on my butt from getting whipped. No one can condemn me for that. I have struggled with being ashamed of what I liked for many years to find out that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Those who are not into BDSM does not have to be. Each person has a choice to practice what they like without being ashamed of it as long as it is legal, does not go against the will of the spouse and the Bible does not call it a sin. We are all different and we have a right to be different and to be ourselves without shame or ridicule. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Trying To Stop The Physical Act Of Harming Ourselves Is Not The Solution

Trying To Stop The Physical Act Of Harming Ourselves Is Not The Solution. We find ourselves cutting, hitting, burning, or doing other harmful things to ourselves. We try to get rid of the things we use to harm ourselves with. We try substitutes, like ice or things that do no harm but produces pain. We try preoccupying ourselves so that we don't have time to harm ourselves. We did not fix our problem. We have deep emotional pain inside that we never dealt with. We tr to run from it. Dealing with it may be the hardest thing we can do. We must deal with it and give it to God. We must accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and repent of any known sin. This is our true solution and our true fix. We must fix what is inside before we can fix what is outside. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

The Difference Of A Person Who Has A Photographic Memory

The Difference Of A Person Who Has A Photographic Memory

I have a photographic memory. In a lot of ways it has been a great advantage. I retain information well. I did not have to do a lot of studying for tests. I did not have to take a lot of notes.

I can remember events that happened a long time ago in great detail. Each memory is like a movie that plays inside of my head. I can remember numbers well. I was told to remember a model number on a Honda 50 motor cycle so that me and a friend could get a part for it. Once it is in my memory, It will never leave. I was in high school at the time in 1989. I still remember that number to this day. It was "C110-203872". I can remember phone numbers that people had when I was a kid.

I have read and studied the Bible and I retain a lot of that well. I also watch a lot of nature documentaries and I retain information very well. I was in Haiti for a mission trip and I was called "the walking and talking encyclopedia".

There are disadvantages to having a photographic memory. Every time a memory gets triggered, I will not only remember the event, but I will feel what I felt when it happened. That makes it very difficult to forgive, but God gave me the strength to forgive a lot of the terrible things I went through. The triggers do not necessarily have to be bad events, but can be good events too. I doesn't matter if it happened yesterday or 30 or more years ago. If it is a sad event, I will feel sad. If it is a funny event, I will break out in a laughter. It could be a scene in a movie that caused me to be sad or that caused me to laugh. I recently broke out laughing about a scene in a movie that I saw 15 years ago.

Most people are not like that and most people's memories are not that extremely sharp. If I had to tell someone that I was laughing about the movie scene that happened 15 years ago, they would think I was nuts.

Most of the time these triggers usually occur during idle times. Keeping myself preoccupied greatly reduces these triggers.

Most people would have triggers and flashbacks of their very traumatic experiences. People like me and possibly others with photographic memories would have triggers and flashbacks on every event big or small. We cannot prevent them from happening, but only reduce their chances of happening by keeping busy.

When these triggers happen, I am fully aware of my surroundings and fully coherent as to what is going on.

People with photographic memories my seem different or may act different. I hope that by sharing this that we can have a better understanding of the differences of others and be more accepting of others rather than having negative thoughts about them or assuming that they are nuts.

Everyone is different. If we learn to accept those who are different, we can learn a lot from one another.

Rodney Calmes

Don't Be Ashamed Of Who You Are

Don't Be Ashamed Of Who You Are. Do you have characteristics about yourself that may not be common? Were bullied because of it? Do You feel that you are the only one? Are you afraid of what people would think if they found out about that characteristic? I have been down that road many times. I have desired to get spanked since I was 8. I often spanked myself and was afraid of what would happen if someone seen me doing that. I was ashamed of that. I often thought "what if the neighbors heard my spanking myself?". I often thought that people would think less of me if they found out that I liked getting spanked. I kept that secret for a long time. I asked God to take that away from me. No matter what I did, I could not change that about me. I struggled with that for a long time. God never took that from me. I searched the Bible and I could not find anything about that in the Bible. I thought that I was in sin. I found nothing that called it a sin. Anything done between husband and wife with consent is ok, including spankings. 2 years ago, someone took a picture of me changing clothes and posted that picture on the internet revealing the scars on my butt from a whipping that I consented to. He took me by surprise. I tried to hide that. He exposed that to all my Facebook friends. That forced me to reveal that. It was a difficult time in my life. I found out that no one thought any less of me and many stood by my side. No one treated me any different. I was blessed because even though a part of me that I was ashamed of got revealed that no one thought any less of me. I am no longer ashamed of that and now I freely talk about it. I no longer have to carry any secrets. I have never hurt anyone by what I do. I have never done anything against the consent of another person. Even though what that person did to me was ugly, that whole thing has set me free. I no longer have to be ashamed of who I am or what I like. Another thing I was ashamed of was that I am a very sensitive person. I cry very easily especially when I see someone who is sad. I have been ashamed of that for years also. I tried to hide myself when I got sensitive. I have learned that there is nothing wrong with being myself. As long as the Bible does not call it a sin, it is ok to embrace in it. I learned not to judge others or call anything a sin that the Bible does not call a sin. This is why God never delivered me from my desires to get spanked. I have also learned that God created my emotions. I have nothing to be ashamed of because of my sensitivity. My sensitivity has caused me to love people and show kindness toward them. It caused me to care about people and pray for them. It has caused me to help others any time I can and to be there for them. You may have things about yourself that are different. Don't be ashamed of them. As long as the Bible does not call it a sin and you are not hurting others, embrace it, don't be ashamed of it. People will love you for who you are. Those who cannot love you for who you are don't deserve to have someone like you. You don't have to try to hide who you are. You are the person God created you to be. Be yourself, it is ok. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Everyone Has Differences

Every person has things about themselves that are different. People are often judged and ridiculed for their differences. Some of these differences are because that is the way God created them. Example: God made me a sensitive person who cries easily especially when I see someone who is sad. There may not be any environmental things that caused that. God created me that way. Some differences come from things that happened. You may go into a locker room and see scars on someone's butt that resulted from being whipped. The person may be old enough that it is obvious that those scars did not come from childhood abuse. You may conclude that the person is into sadomasochism. People scoff at him and make fun of him because of that. They may make judgments on him. That person who has been whipped consented to it. I have been that person. I was spanked severely as a child and when a person takes a severe spanking with blunt force, it triggers involuntary sexual experiences that causes a person to desire spankings and whippings. This is a physical thing, not just psychological. I started to desire spankings when I was 8. I was spanked with large sticks when I was 4-5 very often and occasionally after that. I was spanked every day from when I was 4 until I was 9 either with a hand or a stick either for my teachers or at home. When I had to pull my pants down and get spanked on my bare butt. I believe that it was the moment that triggered the involuntary sexual experiences. When I engage in this, I usually have flashbacks to that event. I have tried to get rid of those desires and prayed about it and God allowed me to have them. He did not get rid of them for a very good reason, so that I would not be judgmental of others and I would not call something a sin that was not found in the Bible to be a sin. When someone cuts themselves, we fail to understand that they carry deep emotional pain inside and we fail to reach out to them. Instead we gossip and look down on them. These types of things are done for a reason and we need to be more understanding of people no matter what they do, there is a reason they do it. We need to treat them with love and kindness. Pray for them and be gentle with them. Some people smoke and we call it a sin or we question their Christianity because of it. There is nothing in the Bible that says that smoking is a sin. People have a right to engage in things and do what they like as long as it does not violate the Bible and they are not hurting other people by it. Some people may be withdrawn and no one reaches out to them. That person may have been abused and yet faces further abuse by the bullying and rejection they face. We all have our differences. Love people for their differences rather than rejecting them. Bear the differences of others even if their differences are not your cup of tea. Be kind to one another. It is ok to be different. No 2 people are the same. If we see someone in sin, pray for them, love them and gently address their sin by showing them their sin in the Bible. Understand that they may be struggling with that. We all struggle with sin of one form or another in our lives. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com