www.facebook.com/SupportForThoseWhoHaveBeenAbusedAndBullied
My Story, and Things I have learned throughout my life. By Rodney Calmes
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
It is Not Your Fault if You Have Been Abused, You Have Nothing To Be Ashamed Of
You have nothing to be ashamed of, do not be afraid to talk about what you went through or even cry, that is part of healing. You need to accept that is a part of your past and don't try to hide it. Remember that God loves you, and what others have done to you, they have done to a child of God. Do not keep reliving your past, but accept it and move on, and try to encourage others to be survivors.
Have you ever been abused, and had someone tell you that you deserved it, or it was your fault, or your work is not good enough, or that you caused the abuser to abuse you? Have you ever thought these things yourself?
Many has been abused at different levels at different times in our lives. Remember this: You had no control of what others have done to you. It is not your fault if you have been abused. You may have done things that required discipline, but how others handled that is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you because you have been through this. There is something wrong with those who treated you cruelly. You are not accountable for what others did to you, but they will be accountable for what they did, and you will be accountable for what you do to others. There are many emotional hurts along with physical scars left behind. The only way to overcome is is to understand what happened to you and not try to hide it, then forgive those who have done it to you and trust that God will work all things for good, even if you do not understand why or how He will do it. After you have trusted in God and forgave the people who have done it to you and accepted your past, He will later on show you how He can work it for good.
No one is perfect, we all have misbehaved, got crabby, or done other things that could have offended someone. Under n o condition is it right to abuse another person under any circumstance! You did not deserve the abuse! You did not cause the abuser to abuse you, that person made their own choice to abuse you. It was not your fault that you were abused! Here is an example of that: When I was 9 years old, I misbehaved in school, so discipline was needed. The principal decided to grab my ear lobe and twist it and pull me into his office. That was the worst pain I ever felt in my life. I felt the inner ear pulling as a result of that and I ended up testing my ear to see if I still had hearing in it after that. I was lucky that I still had my hearing, and my ear lobe did not get torn off. It was wrong for the principal to do that to me, and it was not my fault that he chose to do that to me. That was the principal’s fault. There were other ways that my misbehavior could have been dealt with. Just like you may have misbehaved as a child, it was not your fault that your caretaker decided to abuse you, that was the caretaker’s choice and it was their fault. There is nothing wrong with you because you have been abused, there is something wrong with the abuser.
Many times when we are abused, the abuser makes us think that we are worthless, no good, useless, stupid, dumb, etc. None of that is true. You are not worthless, you are not useless, you are not stupid, or dumb. God has created you in His image, and you are precious to him and God loves you. You are so precious to God that He died for you to forgive every sin you have ever committed if you put your faith and trust in Him. God created you with the knowledge He gave you and He created you with the talents He gave you. If you use the knowledge and talents He gave you to the best of your abilities, God is pleased with that. If others are not pleased with that or it is not good enough for them, then it is like saying God is not good enough. The insults poured on you as a result is also pouring insults on God. You did not deserve the insults, nor was it right for others to expect more of you than what you are capable of doing. They will have to answer to God for that, not you! Those who cannot appreciate you does not deserve you! When you have love, kindness and compassion on others and make that your goal, you have proven yourself to be much better than your abusers, because those who abused you has proven that they lack in love, kindness, and compassion. You love, kindness, and compassion are the things that make you the person you are, and if you have these things in your heart, you are a great person, and praise God for putting these things in your heart.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, do not be afraid to talk about what you went through or even cry, that is part of healing. You need to accept that is a part of your past and don't try to hide it. Remember that God loves you, and what others have done to you, they have done to a child of God. Do not keep reliving your past, but accept it and move on, and try to encourage others to be survivors.
Never let anyone tell you that it was your fault that you were abused! Never let anyone tell you that you deserved it, or that it served you right! Never let anyone tell you that you caused them to abuse you! None of these things are true!
God Bless,
Rodney Calmes
Have you ever been abused, and had someone tell you that you deserved it, or it was your fault, or your work is not good enough, or that you caused the abuser to abuse you? Have you ever thought these things yourself?
Many has been abused at different levels at different times in our lives. Remember this: You had no control of what others have done to you. It is not your fault if you have been abused. You may have done things that required discipline, but how others handled that is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you because you have been through this. There is something wrong with those who treated you cruelly. You are not accountable for what others did to you, but they will be accountable for what they did, and you will be accountable for what you do to others. There are many emotional hurts along with physical scars left behind. The only way to overcome is is to understand what happened to you and not try to hide it, then forgive those who have done it to you and trust that God will work all things for good, even if you do not understand why or how He will do it. After you have trusted in God and forgave the people who have done it to you and accepted your past, He will later on show you how He can work it for good.
No one is perfect, we all have misbehaved, got crabby, or done other things that could have offended someone. Under n o condition is it right to abuse another person under any circumstance! You did not deserve the abuse! You did not cause the abuser to abuse you, that person made their own choice to abuse you. It was not your fault that you were abused! Here is an example of that: When I was 9 years old, I misbehaved in school, so discipline was needed. The principal decided to grab my ear lobe and twist it and pull me into his office. That was the worst pain I ever felt in my life. I felt the inner ear pulling as a result of that and I ended up testing my ear to see if I still had hearing in it after that. I was lucky that I still had my hearing, and my ear lobe did not get torn off. It was wrong for the principal to do that to me, and it was not my fault that he chose to do that to me. That was the principal’s fault. There were other ways that my misbehavior could have been dealt with. Just like you may have misbehaved as a child, it was not your fault that your caretaker decided to abuse you, that was the caretaker’s choice and it was their fault. There is nothing wrong with you because you have been abused, there is something wrong with the abuser.
Many times when we are abused, the abuser makes us think that we are worthless, no good, useless, stupid, dumb, etc. None of that is true. You are not worthless, you are not useless, you are not stupid, or dumb. God has created you in His image, and you are precious to him and God loves you. You are so precious to God that He died for you to forgive every sin you have ever committed if you put your faith and trust in Him. God created you with the knowledge He gave you and He created you with the talents He gave you. If you use the knowledge and talents He gave you to the best of your abilities, God is pleased with that. If others are not pleased with that or it is not good enough for them, then it is like saying God is not good enough. The insults poured on you as a result is also pouring insults on God. You did not deserve the insults, nor was it right for others to expect more of you than what you are capable of doing. They will have to answer to God for that, not you! Those who cannot appreciate you does not deserve you! When you have love, kindness and compassion on others and make that your goal, you have proven yourself to be much better than your abusers, because those who abused you has proven that they lack in love, kindness, and compassion. You love, kindness, and compassion are the things that make you the person you are, and if you have these things in your heart, you are a great person, and praise God for putting these things in your heart.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, do not be afraid to talk about what you went through or even cry, that is part of healing. You need to accept that is a part of your past and don't try to hide it. Remember that God loves you, and what others have done to you, they have done to a child of God. Do not keep reliving your past, but accept it and move on, and try to encourage others to be survivors.
Never let anyone tell you that it was your fault that you were abused! Never let anyone tell you that you deserved it, or that it served you right! Never let anyone tell you that you caused them to abuse you! None of these things are true!
God Bless,
Rodney Calmes
You are Not Worthless, You are Not an Accident, You are Valuable, Precious, and Loved
Every person is valuable, and precious. They need to be treated with love, respect, and care. No person is deserving of abuse, and everyone deserves to have someone listen to them and encourage them. No two people are the same, we are all different, and we are to love all people for who they are. A little kindness shown towards another person can go a long way in their life and it will make you feel good to be kind. Everyone should be treated with kindness.
If you have ever had a parent tell you that you are an accident, or "I wish you were never born", or tell you that you are stupid or worthless, remember this: God created you in His image, and God does not have accidents, and God cannot make mistakes. God created you with the knowledge you have and can use you to do great things - you are not stupid. You are very precious to God and very valuable. Everything God created is good, including you - you are not worthless. God loves you even if others do not, but He also provides others who love you and care about you - you are not unloved.
How people treat you does not determine whether or not you are a good person, but what determines that is how you treat others. If you are kind, gentle, loving, and caring toward others, that will make you a great person. If you are mean to others, that will make you a bad person.
Have you ever thought that you could not be used by God, think of this: Jacob was a thief, but was yet used by God and he became Isreal. Peter lied & denied,but yet was used to build the church among Jerusalem. David had an affair, but yet was a man after God's own heart. Noah was an ugly drunk, but yet built an Ark to save his family and the animals from the flood. Jonah was judgmental & bitter, but yet preached to Nineveh to repent so that God did not take His judgment on them. Paul was a murderer, but God used him to do great things. Moses had a speech problem & a temper, but he was used to lead the Isrealites to the promised land and freed them from slavery in Egypt. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. If you think God cannot use you, think of these guys on how God used them. God can use you to do great things if you trust Him. There is none of you who cannot be used by God.
If you ever thought you would not accomplish much, or that you were insignificant, I would like to tell you otherwise. Phil 4:13 13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. NKJV If you trust in God, God will cause you to do great things, and those great things come from the love, kindness, compassion, and care that you have for others. By showing these things to others, you are doing great things. You do not have to be the president of the United States to do great things. The love, compassion, kindness, and care you show towards others accomplishes those great things. Every one of you can do great things and there is no one who cannot do great things. Be encouraged by this.
Rodney Calmes
If you have ever had a parent tell you that you are an accident, or "I wish you were never born", or tell you that you are stupid or worthless, remember this: God created you in His image, and God does not have accidents, and God cannot make mistakes. God created you with the knowledge you have and can use you to do great things - you are not stupid. You are very precious to God and very valuable. Everything God created is good, including you - you are not worthless. God loves you even if others do not, but He also provides others who love you and care about you - you are not unloved.
How people treat you does not determine whether or not you are a good person, but what determines that is how you treat others. If you are kind, gentle, loving, and caring toward others, that will make you a great person. If you are mean to others, that will make you a bad person.
Have you ever thought that you could not be used by God, think of this: Jacob was a thief, but was yet used by God and he became Isreal. Peter lied & denied,but yet was used to build the church among Jerusalem. David had an affair, but yet was a man after God's own heart. Noah was an ugly drunk, but yet built an Ark to save his family and the animals from the flood. Jonah was judgmental & bitter, but yet preached to Nineveh to repent so that God did not take His judgment on them. Paul was a murderer, but God used him to do great things. Moses had a speech problem & a temper, but he was used to lead the Isrealites to the promised land and freed them from slavery in Egypt. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. If you think God cannot use you, think of these guys on how God used them. God can use you to do great things if you trust Him. There is none of you who cannot be used by God.
If you ever thought you would not accomplish much, or that you were insignificant, I would like to tell you otherwise. Phil 4:13 13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. NKJV If you trust in God, God will cause you to do great things, and those great things come from the love, kindness, compassion, and care that you have for others. By showing these things to others, you are doing great things. You do not have to be the president of the United States to do great things. The love, compassion, kindness, and care you show towards others accomplishes those great things. Every one of you can do great things and there is no one who cannot do great things. Be encouraged by this.
Rodney Calmes
What is Discipline, What is Abuse?
Eph 6:1-4 6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: 3 "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. NKJV
Children should obey their parents. Parents should train, teach and instruct their children. Discipline may not be pleasant, but when a child is disciplined, it should not be done in anger, but the child should be reassured that they are loved and instructed as to what they did wrong along with how they could have done it right.
Abusing a child or taking anger out on them can lead a child to be discouraged.
God's Word gives us guidelines to discipline children, anything that goes beyond what God's Word says is abuse. Example, using large sticks or paddles, giving many strokes, using words that cut them down, belittling them, humiliating them, taking your anger out on them, etc. God's word tells us to teach them and instruct them, love them, build them up with constructive criticism, let them know that you love them after the discipline is done. Discipline is necessary to teach a child and should be used. Discipline gets the childs attention but it does not cause harm to that child. Discipline may be unpleasant, but it is not torture, and you look after the good of the child, not taking your frustrations out on them.
Prov 23:13-14 13 Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. And deliver his soul from hell.
NKJV
Prov 29:15 15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
NKJV
Prov 26:3 3 A whip for the horse, A bridle for the donkey, And a rod for the fool's back.
NKJV
Luke 12:47-48 47 And that servant who knew his master's will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. 48 But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few.
NKJV
Eph 6:4 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
NKJV
Col 3:21 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
NKJV
When we look at all the scriptures above and combine them together, because the Bible does not contradict itself, we see how we should discipline our children. If you study the Hebrew root words on each of the old testament verses and the Greek root words in the New testament, we see that the Bible does not promote abuse. We are not to take anger out on our children, but we are to teach them. Children do not know their master’s will, so when we discipline them, we do so in a gentle manner. The rod in its original Hebrew is not a large stick or paddle. The rod is not a whip or a belt, and it is not an open hand, it is a fresh shoot off a branch. The rod has symbolic and literal definitions. Some kids can be spanked all day and it does nothing for them. When we do a Hebrew study on “back” in Prov. 26:3, the original word was the back while a person, not their butt. Hitting the butt can cause involuntary sexual stimulation even in small children, which the Bible does not promote. Anything that causes harm or sexual stimulation is abuse. Children need consequences when they willfully do wrong. They need to be reassured that they are still loved, we are to explain to them what they have done, and how they could have done things right. This discipline should be consistent. Set guidelines and follow them closely - do not go beyond the guidelines. Not being consistent will not teach them anything. When we teach our children, we are to give constructive instruction in a voice that is well controlled, not screaming at them, we are not to use negative phrases like “What in the hell is the matter with you?” or any other type of destructive criticisms. Do not swear at them or use swear words in your language. These things will tear a child down and discourage them. We are only to tell them the thing they did wrong, and how it could have been done correctly, and tell them that you love them, and hug them after it is over. Never call them names like “stupid”, “dumb”, “rotten”, or any swear words, etc. Calling them names and destructive criticism is abuse. Never use sarcasm like “Nice Job!” when it was meant to tell them what a horrible job they did. If they did a horrible job, don’t even tell them “horrible job”, teach them how they could have done it right. Avoid as much as possible to use public discipline on the child - that is humiliating. Making them expose their bare buttocks to get a spanking is also humiliating and is sexual abuse - this should not be practiced. Exposing their buttocks in public is even much more humiliating. Nothing was mentioned in the Bible to do that. Humiliating a child is abuse.
The point behind this is to prove that the Bible does not promote abuse. I have shown that even the Bible will show that any punishment that causes physical harm or cause sexual reactions is abuse. Under no condition should a child be harmed. I will not condone causing physical harm to anyone or any animal.
Rodney Calmes
Children should obey their parents. Parents should train, teach and instruct their children. Discipline may not be pleasant, but when a child is disciplined, it should not be done in anger, but the child should be reassured that they are loved and instructed as to what they did wrong along with how they could have done it right.
Abusing a child or taking anger out on them can lead a child to be discouraged.
God's Word gives us guidelines to discipline children, anything that goes beyond what God's Word says is abuse. Example, using large sticks or paddles, giving many strokes, using words that cut them down, belittling them, humiliating them, taking your anger out on them, etc. God's word tells us to teach them and instruct them, love them, build them up with constructive criticism, let them know that you love them after the discipline is done. Discipline is necessary to teach a child and should be used. Discipline gets the childs attention but it does not cause harm to that child. Discipline may be unpleasant, but it is not torture, and you look after the good of the child, not taking your frustrations out on them.
Prov 23:13-14 13 Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. And deliver his soul from hell.
NKJV
Prov 29:15 15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
NKJV
Prov 26:3 3 A whip for the horse, A bridle for the donkey, And a rod for the fool's back.
NKJV
Luke 12:47-48 47 And that servant who knew his master's will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. 48 But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few.
NKJV
Eph 6:4 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
NKJV
Col 3:21 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
NKJV
When we look at all the scriptures above and combine them together, because the Bible does not contradict itself, we see how we should discipline our children. If you study the Hebrew root words on each of the old testament verses and the Greek root words in the New testament, we see that the Bible does not promote abuse. We are not to take anger out on our children, but we are to teach them. Children do not know their master’s will, so when we discipline them, we do so in a gentle manner. The rod in its original Hebrew is not a large stick or paddle. The rod is not a whip or a belt, and it is not an open hand, it is a fresh shoot off a branch. The rod has symbolic and literal definitions. Some kids can be spanked all day and it does nothing for them. When we do a Hebrew study on “back” in Prov. 26:3, the original word was the back while a person, not their butt. Hitting the butt can cause involuntary sexual stimulation even in small children, which the Bible does not promote. Anything that causes harm or sexual stimulation is abuse. Children need consequences when they willfully do wrong. They need to be reassured that they are still loved, we are to explain to them what they have done, and how they could have done things right. This discipline should be consistent. Set guidelines and follow them closely - do not go beyond the guidelines. Not being consistent will not teach them anything. When we teach our children, we are to give constructive instruction in a voice that is well controlled, not screaming at them, we are not to use negative phrases like “What in the hell is the matter with you?” or any other type of destructive criticisms. Do not swear at them or use swear words in your language. These things will tear a child down and discourage them. We are only to tell them the thing they did wrong, and how it could have been done correctly, and tell them that you love them, and hug them after it is over. Never call them names like “stupid”, “dumb”, “rotten”, or any swear words, etc. Calling them names and destructive criticism is abuse. Never use sarcasm like “Nice Job!” when it was meant to tell them what a horrible job they did. If they did a horrible job, don’t even tell them “horrible job”, teach them how they could have done it right. Avoid as much as possible to use public discipline on the child - that is humiliating. Making them expose their bare buttocks to get a spanking is also humiliating and is sexual abuse - this should not be practiced. Exposing their buttocks in public is even much more humiliating. Nothing was mentioned in the Bible to do that. Humiliating a child is abuse.
The point behind this is to prove that the Bible does not promote abuse. I have shown that even the Bible will show that any punishment that causes physical harm or cause sexual reactions is abuse. Under no condition should a child be harmed. I will not condone causing physical harm to anyone or any animal.
Rodney Calmes
What Can Happen If We Use "Common" Forms of Discipline (or Abuse) That is Not Biblical
I have just made a post about what the Bible says and how the Bible defines abuse. The Bible is very specific. Here is why the Bible is specific, because there are other forms of punishments that were commonly used, and the dangers behind them.
1. Ear pulling - it only takes 4 pounds of force to tear the ear lobe off, you can also risk permanently damaging the child’s hearing in that ear.
2. Hair pulling - can injure the neck muscles and joints causing a lifetime of problems of neck pain, and can thin out the hair in the area that is pulled.
3. Hitting in the head - can cause brain damage, which is irreversible, and causes a lifetime of problems and disabilities in that person. Also the risk of neck injuries as well.
4. Slapping the face - in some rare cases, eyes have been popped out of sockets, risk of brain damage and neck injuries.
5. Hitting hands - many major blood vessels can be damaged and cause serious problems, along with the fact that there are many tendons and ligaments that can get damaged and heal into scar tissue which causes accelerated wear on the joints causing premature arthritis. This can be more severe if hard objects are used, and also breaking the bones in the hands which cannot be set and cause disabilities in that hand on a permanent basis.
6. Soap in the mouth / Pepper on the tongue - you do not know what kind of chemicals are in different soaps, and if it is done to the right person, those chemicals can be catalysts to unfavorable reactions and cause severe illness and damage to some organs or even death in some rare cases. You do not want to take that risk. Pepper can eat the stomach linings if used in large quantities, and has also caused death in some rare cases.
7. Hitting where there are joints and bones can risk breaking the bones or damaging ligaments or tendons in the joints, thus causing problems.
8. Hitting in abdominal areas or chest or back with a blunt object can cause organ damage, lung damage, or heart to stop. That is too risky. Heavier flexible objects can do the same thing or even a hand. Never hit in these areas.
9. Anything you do that can cause open wounds pose a risk for infection and the infection can kill a person if left unchecked.
10. Spanking on the buttocks - There has never been any cases of on going health problems, disabilities, or deaths from any type of common spanking - even the severe ones. Tail bones can be broken if a heavy object is used on the upper part of the buttocks while a person is bent over. I will make another post dealing specifically with just spankings on the buttocks.
All of the above is abuse. The first nine items is illegal in all 50 states. Federal requires that all states have laws that protects children against doing things that risk their health, or doing things that risk disability or permanent injury, or disfigurement. Spanking laws vary from state to state. Spanking in public is illegal in over 20 states and private spanking is illegal in 1 state. Before 1938, abuse was legal. We should not define abuse by what the laws are but by what the Bible says.
I am now going to talk about the different types of spanking instruments that were used and the consequences of using them.
1. Large sticks, boards, belts, and paddles - they tend to have a lot of impact and cover a larger area of the buttocks, and due to the large area and impact, they will damage the most deeper soft tissues under the skin per swat. After about 20 or 30 swats the butt turns numb and you do not feel any extra swats you get. Frequent spankings like this can toughen the skin and the scarring under the skin will cut off nerve endings, thus making the buttocks fairly numb on a permanent basis - and the spankings will be ineffective later on. The scarring of the deep tissues under the skin will also show through the skin leaving a permanent discoloration of the skin of itself (usually a slight reddened brown appearance). The skin will have a leather texture to it and will be tough. There will be little to no sensitivity, and will be resistant to bruising and welting - will be next to impossible to bruise or welt that area. It is the body’s defense mechanism when it undergoes consistent affliction to build itself up to prevent further damage. This condition is known as “leather butt syndrome”
2. Whips and canes - they cover a small area per swat, but the impact per square inch is much greater, and can likely penetrate the skin - leaving lacerations and permanent scarring. It takes more swats to numb the butt. Even if skin is not broken - due to the smaller area it covers - it displaces the deeper tissues and causes some distortion to the buttocks - later on they look like fat bumps with straight lines underneath and that is permanent. The distortion is permanent as well. It takes a lot more frequent spankings with instruments like these to cause a permanent numbing than it takes with paddles, sticks and boards.
3. Open hand - covers a large area of buttocks, less damaging and painful than the sticks, boards, belts, and paddles. Open hands also have a lot of force and can damage deeper tissues, and if the spankings are frequent, over time there is a measurable decrease in sensitivity, and eventually permanent numbness. It takes multiple times more open hand spankings to do this than it takes for paddles, stick, and board spankings. Hair brushes and smaller paddles can be more damaging than an open hand and will somewhat accelerate the effects.
4. Willow branch or a new growth off a branch - typically produces more sting than an open hand, but only has an effect on the skin. There is not enough impact to damage any deeper tissues and no distortion. It covers a small area of buttocks, and no permanent numbing will occur with frequent spankings. There will be no measurable decrease of sensitivity with frequent spankings - these are the overall the least damaging of all implements and will also produce the sting intended with spankings. There is still a danger of breaking skin if wielded in the right way or a lot of force is used.
Evidence of frequent harsh spankings even many years later can be proven. The whole butt should normally be uniform in color and skin texture. The skin is normally very tender and sensitive. If the skin is tough on one area of the butt and the color is not uniform, that is evidence of frequent harsh spankings - which is considered abuse. Authorities usually do not consider this. If you use a thin instrument and give the back of the legs 1 swat and give the butt 1 swat, the welting and bruising should be the same. If the legs welt and bruise, and the butt does not, that is also evidence of frequent abusive spankings that have occurred at one point in a person’s life.
If you resort to spankings - eventually, the spankings will become totally ineffective, and you will accomplish nothing as far as teaching from this. You will only accomplish resentment in your child by doing this, along with many deep emotional hurts.
The Biblical "rod" has several definitions. The rod of a shepherd was used for guiding the sheep, often the sheep were prodded with it as a form of guidance. Our guidance to our children should be gentle, not harsh.
The rod (king's staff) was used as a symbol of authority. The parents should exercise their authority to lead their children to a godly life. A true king will serve his people. A true parent will use their authority to serve their children and look out for what is best for the children.
The rod (shoot used for grafting) was used to graft branches from the wild olive tree in to the tame olive tree, the gentiles were grafted in through the blood of Jesus. Our children should be grafted into the blood of Jesus. Teach your children the ways of God.
Rodney Calmes
1. Ear pulling - it only takes 4 pounds of force to tear the ear lobe off, you can also risk permanently damaging the child’s hearing in that ear.
2. Hair pulling - can injure the neck muscles and joints causing a lifetime of problems of neck pain, and can thin out the hair in the area that is pulled.
3. Hitting in the head - can cause brain damage, which is irreversible, and causes a lifetime of problems and disabilities in that person. Also the risk of neck injuries as well.
4. Slapping the face - in some rare cases, eyes have been popped out of sockets, risk of brain damage and neck injuries.
5. Hitting hands - many major blood vessels can be damaged and cause serious problems, along with the fact that there are many tendons and ligaments that can get damaged and heal into scar tissue which causes accelerated wear on the joints causing premature arthritis. This can be more severe if hard objects are used, and also breaking the bones in the hands which cannot be set and cause disabilities in that hand on a permanent basis.
6. Soap in the mouth / Pepper on the tongue - you do not know what kind of chemicals are in different soaps, and if it is done to the right person, those chemicals can be catalysts to unfavorable reactions and cause severe illness and damage to some organs or even death in some rare cases. You do not want to take that risk. Pepper can eat the stomach linings if used in large quantities, and has also caused death in some rare cases.
7. Hitting where there are joints and bones can risk breaking the bones or damaging ligaments or tendons in the joints, thus causing problems.
8. Hitting in abdominal areas or chest or back with a blunt object can cause organ damage, lung damage, or heart to stop. That is too risky. Heavier flexible objects can do the same thing or even a hand. Never hit in these areas.
9. Anything you do that can cause open wounds pose a risk for infection and the infection can kill a person if left unchecked.
10. Spanking on the buttocks - There has never been any cases of on going health problems, disabilities, or deaths from any type of common spanking - even the severe ones. Tail bones can be broken if a heavy object is used on the upper part of the buttocks while a person is bent over. I will make another post dealing specifically with just spankings on the buttocks.
All of the above is abuse. The first nine items is illegal in all 50 states. Federal requires that all states have laws that protects children against doing things that risk their health, or doing things that risk disability or permanent injury, or disfigurement. Spanking laws vary from state to state. Spanking in public is illegal in over 20 states and private spanking is illegal in 1 state. Before 1938, abuse was legal. We should not define abuse by what the laws are but by what the Bible says.
I am now going to talk about the different types of spanking instruments that were used and the consequences of using them.
1. Large sticks, boards, belts, and paddles - they tend to have a lot of impact and cover a larger area of the buttocks, and due to the large area and impact, they will damage the most deeper soft tissues under the skin per swat. After about 20 or 30 swats the butt turns numb and you do not feel any extra swats you get. Frequent spankings like this can toughen the skin and the scarring under the skin will cut off nerve endings, thus making the buttocks fairly numb on a permanent basis - and the spankings will be ineffective later on. The scarring of the deep tissues under the skin will also show through the skin leaving a permanent discoloration of the skin of itself (usually a slight reddened brown appearance). The skin will have a leather texture to it and will be tough. There will be little to no sensitivity, and will be resistant to bruising and welting - will be next to impossible to bruise or welt that area. It is the body’s defense mechanism when it undergoes consistent affliction to build itself up to prevent further damage. This condition is known as “leather butt syndrome”
2. Whips and canes - they cover a small area per swat, but the impact per square inch is much greater, and can likely penetrate the skin - leaving lacerations and permanent scarring. It takes more swats to numb the butt. Even if skin is not broken - due to the smaller area it covers - it displaces the deeper tissues and causes some distortion to the buttocks - later on they look like fat bumps with straight lines underneath and that is permanent. The distortion is permanent as well. It takes a lot more frequent spankings with instruments like these to cause a permanent numbing than it takes with paddles, sticks and boards.
3. Open hand - covers a large area of buttocks, less damaging and painful than the sticks, boards, belts, and paddles. Open hands also have a lot of force and can damage deeper tissues, and if the spankings are frequent, over time there is a measurable decrease in sensitivity, and eventually permanent numbness. It takes multiple times more open hand spankings to do this than it takes for paddles, stick, and board spankings. Hair brushes and smaller paddles can be more damaging than an open hand and will somewhat accelerate the effects.
4. Willow branch or a new growth off a branch - typically produces more sting than an open hand, but only has an effect on the skin. There is not enough impact to damage any deeper tissues and no distortion. It covers a small area of buttocks, and no permanent numbing will occur with frequent spankings. There will be no measurable decrease of sensitivity with frequent spankings - these are the overall the least damaging of all implements and will also produce the sting intended with spankings. There is still a danger of breaking skin if wielded in the right way or a lot of force is used.
Evidence of frequent harsh spankings even many years later can be proven. The whole butt should normally be uniform in color and skin texture. The skin is normally very tender and sensitive. If the skin is tough on one area of the butt and the color is not uniform, that is evidence of frequent harsh spankings - which is considered abuse. Authorities usually do not consider this. If you use a thin instrument and give the back of the legs 1 swat and give the butt 1 swat, the welting and bruising should be the same. If the legs welt and bruise, and the butt does not, that is also evidence of frequent abusive spankings that have occurred at one point in a person’s life.
If you resort to spankings - eventually, the spankings will become totally ineffective, and you will accomplish nothing as far as teaching from this. You will only accomplish resentment in your child by doing this, along with many deep emotional hurts.
The Biblical "rod" has several definitions. The rod of a shepherd was used for guiding the sheep, often the sheep were prodded with it as a form of guidance. Our guidance to our children should be gentle, not harsh.
The rod (king's staff) was used as a symbol of authority. The parents should exercise their authority to lead their children to a godly life. A true king will serve his people. A true parent will use their authority to serve their children and look out for what is best for the children.
The rod (shoot used for grafting) was used to graft branches from the wild olive tree in to the tame olive tree, the gentiles were grafted in through the blood of Jesus. Our children should be grafted into the blood of Jesus. Teach your children the ways of God.
Rodney Calmes
How to Heal From Abuse, Forgiveness is the Key, God Will Work All Things For Good - Even The Worst Things You Have Been Through
If you have been abused or hurt in the past, here is some advice:
1. Never pretend it never happened - when something comes up that reminds you of that event, it could cause post-traumatic stress. Accept what happened to you. Talk about it to a trustworthy friend and talk about it to God. Let God heal you.
2. Never keep reliving it, that will destroy your life and bring you down.
3. If you had been physically scarred from the event, never engineer an accident to cover it up, it will make things worse.
4. Never feel ashamed that these things happened to you, what others do to you is not your choice, but theirs. The ones that did these things to you are the ones who should be ashamed.
5. Never feel that there is something wrong with you or that you are any less of a person because if it. There is nothing wrong with you because of what someone else did, and you are not less of a person because of it. Change the things you did wrong to others.
6. Never feel that it was right that these things happened to you. It is wrong that these things happened to you. Accept that it was wrong. It is never right to abuse or hurt anyone. There is a difference between discipline and abuse.
7. Never harbor bitterness. Forgive those who wronged you, ask God to help you forgive them, and also know that you have been forgiven of any wrongs you have done, because Jesus died for that. Forgive others the way Jesus forgave you.
8. Know that God will work all things for good, even the evil things that were done to you. Put your faith in Him, and later on it will be revealed to you. The evil that was done to you and how you were healed can be an encouragement to others, and help them heal.
9. Never blame yourself because these things have happened to you. It was not your fault. You may have done things requiring discipline, but if others abused you, that was their choice, not yours. If you get into the habit of blaming yourself for the evil that was done to you, or feeling that it was right for it to happen to you, you may get over the past, but in current situations when evil happens to you, you will continue to blame yourself or think that it was right for you. Sometimes it takes someone to bring it to your attention if you are doint that. Listen to that person and change from that. It is unhealthy to do that.
10. Move on with your life and make good of everything, and use it to encourage others.
Matt 6:14-15
14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. NKJV No one person can sin against us as many times as we have sinned against God. God forgave us of all of our sins by dying on the cross and taking on more pain than we ever have, so we should fogive those who hurt us as God forgave us. That is the only way we can heal from our hurts, then understand that God will work all things that we have been through for our good.
Forgiveness is not pretending something never happened to you, it is not thinking that what happened to you is right or that "you deserved it". Forgiveness is accepting the wrong things that happened to you, and knowing that these things were wrong or that "you did not deserve it", then you decide to not hold any hard feelings or bitterness against that person who did it to you, and still love the person and accepting that the person can go to heaven if they repent. It is giving that person a clean slate even though you know that they wronged you. It doesn't mean that you have to go back to that person and set yourself up to be hurt again, or to trust that person. It means that you hold no grudges against that person. Forgiveness is the only way that you can heal from the hurt that a person put you through.
When we forgive our abusers after accepting that it was wrong, accepting what happened to us, and talking about it and getting our feelings out, we also promote good tissues to grow. Those good tissues will heal the wound. Our forgiveness is the good tissues that has healed the wound. We have to nurture new good skin and treat it with care. When we forgive, that is the new good skin. We nurture it by not taking back the bitterness, even when we are tempted to do so. We nurture that new skin by constantly reminding ourselves that we have forgiven our abusers. We become able to talk about our abuse without feeling pain after a while. As we continue to nurture that good skin, we have faith in God that He will work out all things for good. That faith allows that skin to strengthen and become strong and healthy. We start sharing our stories and our victories to help other victims, we start making a difference, and we become joyous because of the healing we brought on others and the skin on our wounds cannot be broken.
There are so many benefits of telling your story. Here are a few of them:
1. Abuse is devaluing. Talking about it is a declaration that you and what happened to you really matters.
2. Your experience may have been denied by others, and maybe even denied by you, but telling your story acknowledges the truth. It’s difficult to deny your abuse once you’ve revealed the secret. Telling the truth ke...
eps you honest with yourself.
3. If you were threatened not to tell, telling helps to overcome the fear of breaking the secret.
4. The secrets you hold actually hold you, keeping you captive to the abuser’s power. Telling is a way to break free from the bond the secret created between you and your abuser.
5. Shame thrives in secrecy. Talking about your abuse helps to cast off the shame, both for yourself and other survivors.
6. Releasing the secret in this area helps you live more freely in other areas.
7. As long as you’re holding onto the secret, you’re also holding onto the pain. Sharing helps you access the feelings associated with your experience so you can release the pain.
8. Abuse is isolating. Telling is a way to connect with others. Having feedback from others heals the pain of isolation and makes support possible.
9. Telling may help you recover new memories and/or help you to see old memories in more detail. Telling the truth often leads to more truth.
Whenever we experience a traumatic event in our lives, like abuse, the easiest thing to do at that time is to hide it or pretend it never happened. This can happen for many years. Somewhere down the line, something will trigger the events in our minds and we will have to face them. When that happens, we may go into an emotional shock of some type, or a nervous breakdown. We should never try to shove that out of our memories, we should accept that these things have happened to us. It may be more painful at the time, but the acceptance of it is our very first step in healing.
Many times we hear from other people "Get over it!". Most of those people have never experienced the deep emotional wounds that abuse leaves. They do not understand that it takes time to heal. Our wounds do not start to heal until we treat them. We may have hidden these wounds for many years, but they are still there. The healing process begins when we start talking about it and going through the emotions behind it. Those wounds hurt. If we pretend they are not there for 30 years, they are still there 30 years later. When we talk about it and accept the pain we went through, that is the first step in the treatment of the wound. Many who have not experienced this type of wound does not understand. You cannot tell a deep wound to stop hurting and expect immediate results. It takes time for that wound to heal and the hurt to diminish.
Once we have accepted the abuse that happened to us, the next easiest thing to do emotionally at that time is to try to justify it, or to find a reason that we deserved it, or a reason that it was right. Emotional pain is easier if something was right than if something was wrong. This is not a good way to deal with the pain abuse leaves behind, because doing that will lead us to justify abuse on others, and can lead us to abuse others. We cannot justify abuse, abuse is wrong whether it happened to us or it happened to others. We have to accept that what happened to us is wrong, even though it is emotionally harder at the time to do that. Abuse leaves deep wounds that take time to heal, and we have to heal properly. Deep wounds can grow unhealthy and dead skin deposits around it, we must clean out those unhealthy deposits in order to promote healthy deposits to form, and that creates more pain at that time. We must accept that pain to heal properly, that means accepting that we have been abused, and accepting that it was wrong for us to be abused, and accepting that we were wronged and violated.
After we have taken the first step in the healing of our deep wound, we have to accept what has happened to us, and accept that it was wrong. Hiding our deep wounds allows bad tissues to grow on it that will make the wound even more unhealthy. Telling someone "Get over it!" is promoting the bad tissues to grow. For a wound to heal, the bad tissues have to be removed so that healthy tissues can grow. When we have accepted the abuse that happened to us, then the next step is to accept that it was wrong that it happened to us.
When we try to cover up the pain by convincing ourselves that we deserved the abuse, we often allow bad tissues to grow on the wound as well. Those tissues can be infectuous tissues, because it can spread and cause us to abuse others. We also get in the habit of convincing ourselves that we deserve every bad thing that happened to us. Even when a tornado hits your house, you may find a reason that you deserved the tornado hitting your house. We pattern that. Sometimes it takes someone else to point that out to us in order to see us patterning this. We cannot accept that abuse was right for us, nor can we believe that we deserved it. That promotes infectuous tissue to grow on our wound and our wound will not heal. Those bad tissues have to be removed in order for good tissues to grow.
The next step for healing after we have accepted what has happened to us and accepted that it was wrong that the abuse happened to us is to forgive. The deep emotional pain that comes with being a victim of abuse at this point prior to forgiveness is overwhelming. At this point, we can become very bitter about what happened to us. We can relive those events over and over again, and that will keep us down and can ruin our lives if we continue to do that. We may think that we need to do that to get our feelings out, but it really gets us no where. The deep emotional pain brings deep bitterness. In order for our deep wounds to heal, we need to forgive and let go of the bitterness. This may be hard to do because the pain is so great, but we must understand that even though we have had very terrible experiences, that Jesus died on the cross and suffered much more than we ever have in order to forgive us of our sins, so the least we can do is to forgive our abuser. We need God's strength to do this, but when we forgive our abuser, we will feel a huge burden lifted off us and we will feel much healing. The forgiveness is what closes our wound, and this wound cannot be closed without forgiving our abuser.
Once we have forgiven our abusers, been able to accept what happened to us and accept that it was wrong and been ok with it, then our wound is closed. Now the new skin on that scar must be strengthened in order to prevent reopening. That process starts with having faith in God and having faith that God will work out all things we have ever been through for good (see Romans 8:28-30) - that includes the abuse you have went through. The ways God will work these things out for you will come later. God will give you ministries, help you encourage others, give you a heart for others who have been abused, or even encourage others who are facing trials. You will have a much better understanding of what it is like to go through abuse and the emotional trauma it produces. You will recognize others who have been abused. You will have a great peace with your past when you realize that your past has become a blessing in the end, when you find out how many lives have been changed as a result of your experience, encouragement, and the ministries you will have on others. You will feel extremely blessed that you have been abused and been able to experience the abuse - that does not make the abuse right, and it is still wrong that you have been abused, but you will have a great peace because of this. You will be a stronger and a much better person as a result. Have faith in God and He will make these things happen.
When you have forgiven your abuser and let go of the bitterness, your emotional wound will be healed. You may be tempted to take back the bitterness and unforgive the abuser, this may occur often especially immediately after forgiving the abuser. If this occurs, take those thoughts captive, constantly remind yourself what Jesus did to forgive you and remind yourself that you have forgiven the abuser. If you take back the bitterness, then you will reopen the wound that was already healed, and you will have to heal all over again. The more you take those thoughts captive and remind yourself that you have forgiven the abuser and let go of the bitterness, the weaker and weaker the temptation gets, and your healing will be stronger.
Many times when we have been abused, and we try to hide it, we go into a survival mode where we become like robots, we just exist physically and are completely empty inside with no feelings. I had this happen to me when I was in my teens. My emotions did not function after what I have been through. I just existed, I did not feel. I was polite to others, but had no feelings, and when my memories were triggered, it was so overwhelming that I went into a complete breakdown. If you are being abused or mistreated, talk to someone. Don't remain silent, don't keep pretending like it never happened, or this could happen to you. I did heal and my feelings got restored, I became a tender hearted person who loves others and wants what is best for them. God restored my heart after I had accepted Jesus Christ into my life and I had been able to exist as a person again rather than a robot. I used to be called "Robot Rod" at one of my work places, but now I became a caring, loving and compassionate person through the work of Jesus Christ in my life. I have been restored as a person.
Facing the truth of your abuse is very difficult, but very necessary. Accepting it, not being ashamed of it, and knowing that it was not your fault of the choices others have made to do mean things to you, then knowing that you are no less of a person because of what someone else did to you. Understand that you did not deserve the abuse and it was not right for someone to abuse you. The main key to healing from abuse after you realized these things is to forgive the abuser. Forgiveness is the main tool needed for healing, without it, you cannot heal. Also remember, God will work all things for good when you see Romans 8:28 as a reference to this. Having faith and trusting in God to do this very thing is the last step in healing, and you will find out how God can use you from what you been through, and that will become a great joy and blessing.
Rodney Calmes
1. Never pretend it never happened - when something comes up that reminds you of that event, it could cause post-traumatic stress. Accept what happened to you. Talk about it to a trustworthy friend and talk about it to God. Let God heal you.
2. Never keep reliving it, that will destroy your life and bring you down.
3. If you had been physically scarred from the event, never engineer an accident to cover it up, it will make things worse.
4. Never feel ashamed that these things happened to you, what others do to you is not your choice, but theirs. The ones that did these things to you are the ones who should be ashamed.
5. Never feel that there is something wrong with you or that you are any less of a person because if it. There is nothing wrong with you because of what someone else did, and you are not less of a person because of it. Change the things you did wrong to others.
6. Never feel that it was right that these things happened to you. It is wrong that these things happened to you. Accept that it was wrong. It is never right to abuse or hurt anyone. There is a difference between discipline and abuse.
7. Never harbor bitterness. Forgive those who wronged you, ask God to help you forgive them, and also know that you have been forgiven of any wrongs you have done, because Jesus died for that. Forgive others the way Jesus forgave you.
8. Know that God will work all things for good, even the evil things that were done to you. Put your faith in Him, and later on it will be revealed to you. The evil that was done to you and how you were healed can be an encouragement to others, and help them heal.
9. Never blame yourself because these things have happened to you. It was not your fault. You may have done things requiring discipline, but if others abused you, that was their choice, not yours. If you get into the habit of blaming yourself for the evil that was done to you, or feeling that it was right for it to happen to you, you may get over the past, but in current situations when evil happens to you, you will continue to blame yourself or think that it was right for you. Sometimes it takes someone to bring it to your attention if you are doint that. Listen to that person and change from that. It is unhealthy to do that.
10. Move on with your life and make good of everything, and use it to encourage others.
Matt 6:14-15
14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. NKJV No one person can sin against us as many times as we have sinned against God. God forgave us of all of our sins by dying on the cross and taking on more pain than we ever have, so we should fogive those who hurt us as God forgave us. That is the only way we can heal from our hurts, then understand that God will work all things that we have been through for our good.
Forgiveness is not pretending something never happened to you, it is not thinking that what happened to you is right or that "you deserved it". Forgiveness is accepting the wrong things that happened to you, and knowing that these things were wrong or that "you did not deserve it", then you decide to not hold any hard feelings or bitterness against that person who did it to you, and still love the person and accepting that the person can go to heaven if they repent. It is giving that person a clean slate even though you know that they wronged you. It doesn't mean that you have to go back to that person and set yourself up to be hurt again, or to trust that person. It means that you hold no grudges against that person. Forgiveness is the only way that you can heal from the hurt that a person put you through.
When we forgive our abusers after accepting that it was wrong, accepting what happened to us, and talking about it and getting our feelings out, we also promote good tissues to grow. Those good tissues will heal the wound. Our forgiveness is the good tissues that has healed the wound. We have to nurture new good skin and treat it with care. When we forgive, that is the new good skin. We nurture it by not taking back the bitterness, even when we are tempted to do so. We nurture that new skin by constantly reminding ourselves that we have forgiven our abusers. We become able to talk about our abuse without feeling pain after a while. As we continue to nurture that good skin, we have faith in God that He will work out all things for good. That faith allows that skin to strengthen and become strong and healthy. We start sharing our stories and our victories to help other victims, we start making a difference, and we become joyous because of the healing we brought on others and the skin on our wounds cannot be broken.
There are so many benefits of telling your story. Here are a few of them:
1. Abuse is devaluing. Talking about it is a declaration that you and what happened to you really matters.
2. Your experience may have been denied by others, and maybe even denied by you, but telling your story acknowledges the truth. It’s difficult to deny your abuse once you’ve revealed the secret. Telling the truth ke...
eps you honest with yourself.
3. If you were threatened not to tell, telling helps to overcome the fear of breaking the secret.
4. The secrets you hold actually hold you, keeping you captive to the abuser’s power. Telling is a way to break free from the bond the secret created between you and your abuser.
5. Shame thrives in secrecy. Talking about your abuse helps to cast off the shame, both for yourself and other survivors.
6. Releasing the secret in this area helps you live more freely in other areas.
7. As long as you’re holding onto the secret, you’re also holding onto the pain. Sharing helps you access the feelings associated with your experience so you can release the pain.
8. Abuse is isolating. Telling is a way to connect with others. Having feedback from others heals the pain of isolation and makes support possible.
9. Telling may help you recover new memories and/or help you to see old memories in more detail. Telling the truth often leads to more truth.
Whenever we experience a traumatic event in our lives, like abuse, the easiest thing to do at that time is to hide it or pretend it never happened. This can happen for many years. Somewhere down the line, something will trigger the events in our minds and we will have to face them. When that happens, we may go into an emotional shock of some type, or a nervous breakdown. We should never try to shove that out of our memories, we should accept that these things have happened to us. It may be more painful at the time, but the acceptance of it is our very first step in healing.
Many times we hear from other people "Get over it!". Most of those people have never experienced the deep emotional wounds that abuse leaves. They do not understand that it takes time to heal. Our wounds do not start to heal until we treat them. We may have hidden these wounds for many years, but they are still there. The healing process begins when we start talking about it and going through the emotions behind it. Those wounds hurt. If we pretend they are not there for 30 years, they are still there 30 years later. When we talk about it and accept the pain we went through, that is the first step in the treatment of the wound. Many who have not experienced this type of wound does not understand. You cannot tell a deep wound to stop hurting and expect immediate results. It takes time for that wound to heal and the hurt to diminish.
Once we have accepted the abuse that happened to us, the next easiest thing to do emotionally at that time is to try to justify it, or to find a reason that we deserved it, or a reason that it was right. Emotional pain is easier if something was right than if something was wrong. This is not a good way to deal with the pain abuse leaves behind, because doing that will lead us to justify abuse on others, and can lead us to abuse others. We cannot justify abuse, abuse is wrong whether it happened to us or it happened to others. We have to accept that what happened to us is wrong, even though it is emotionally harder at the time to do that. Abuse leaves deep wounds that take time to heal, and we have to heal properly. Deep wounds can grow unhealthy and dead skin deposits around it, we must clean out those unhealthy deposits in order to promote healthy deposits to form, and that creates more pain at that time. We must accept that pain to heal properly, that means accepting that we have been abused, and accepting that it was wrong for us to be abused, and accepting that we were wronged and violated.
After we have taken the first step in the healing of our deep wound, we have to accept what has happened to us, and accept that it was wrong. Hiding our deep wounds allows bad tissues to grow on it that will make the wound even more unhealthy. Telling someone "Get over it!" is promoting the bad tissues to grow. For a wound to heal, the bad tissues have to be removed so that healthy tissues can grow. When we have accepted the abuse that happened to us, then the next step is to accept that it was wrong that it happened to us.
When we try to cover up the pain by convincing ourselves that we deserved the abuse, we often allow bad tissues to grow on the wound as well. Those tissues can be infectuous tissues, because it can spread and cause us to abuse others. We also get in the habit of convincing ourselves that we deserve every bad thing that happened to us. Even when a tornado hits your house, you may find a reason that you deserved the tornado hitting your house. We pattern that. Sometimes it takes someone else to point that out to us in order to see us patterning this. We cannot accept that abuse was right for us, nor can we believe that we deserved it. That promotes infectuous tissue to grow on our wound and our wound will not heal. Those bad tissues have to be removed in order for good tissues to grow.
The next step for healing after we have accepted what has happened to us and accepted that it was wrong that the abuse happened to us is to forgive. The deep emotional pain that comes with being a victim of abuse at this point prior to forgiveness is overwhelming. At this point, we can become very bitter about what happened to us. We can relive those events over and over again, and that will keep us down and can ruin our lives if we continue to do that. We may think that we need to do that to get our feelings out, but it really gets us no where. The deep emotional pain brings deep bitterness. In order for our deep wounds to heal, we need to forgive and let go of the bitterness. This may be hard to do because the pain is so great, but we must understand that even though we have had very terrible experiences, that Jesus died on the cross and suffered much more than we ever have in order to forgive us of our sins, so the least we can do is to forgive our abuser. We need God's strength to do this, but when we forgive our abuser, we will feel a huge burden lifted off us and we will feel much healing. The forgiveness is what closes our wound, and this wound cannot be closed without forgiving our abuser.
Once we have forgiven our abusers, been able to accept what happened to us and accept that it was wrong and been ok with it, then our wound is closed. Now the new skin on that scar must be strengthened in order to prevent reopening. That process starts with having faith in God and having faith that God will work out all things we have ever been through for good (see Romans 8:28-30) - that includes the abuse you have went through. The ways God will work these things out for you will come later. God will give you ministries, help you encourage others, give you a heart for others who have been abused, or even encourage others who are facing trials. You will have a much better understanding of what it is like to go through abuse and the emotional trauma it produces. You will recognize others who have been abused. You will have a great peace with your past when you realize that your past has become a blessing in the end, when you find out how many lives have been changed as a result of your experience, encouragement, and the ministries you will have on others. You will feel extremely blessed that you have been abused and been able to experience the abuse - that does not make the abuse right, and it is still wrong that you have been abused, but you will have a great peace because of this. You will be a stronger and a much better person as a result. Have faith in God and He will make these things happen.
When you have forgiven your abuser and let go of the bitterness, your emotional wound will be healed. You may be tempted to take back the bitterness and unforgive the abuser, this may occur often especially immediately after forgiving the abuser. If this occurs, take those thoughts captive, constantly remind yourself what Jesus did to forgive you and remind yourself that you have forgiven the abuser. If you take back the bitterness, then you will reopen the wound that was already healed, and you will have to heal all over again. The more you take those thoughts captive and remind yourself that you have forgiven the abuser and let go of the bitterness, the weaker and weaker the temptation gets, and your healing will be stronger.
Many times when we have been abused, and we try to hide it, we go into a survival mode where we become like robots, we just exist physically and are completely empty inside with no feelings. I had this happen to me when I was in my teens. My emotions did not function after what I have been through. I just existed, I did not feel. I was polite to others, but had no feelings, and when my memories were triggered, it was so overwhelming that I went into a complete breakdown. If you are being abused or mistreated, talk to someone. Don't remain silent, don't keep pretending like it never happened, or this could happen to you. I did heal and my feelings got restored, I became a tender hearted person who loves others and wants what is best for them. God restored my heart after I had accepted Jesus Christ into my life and I had been able to exist as a person again rather than a robot. I used to be called "Robot Rod" at one of my work places, but now I became a caring, loving and compassionate person through the work of Jesus Christ in my life. I have been restored as a person.
Facing the truth of your abuse is very difficult, but very necessary. Accepting it, not being ashamed of it, and knowing that it was not your fault of the choices others have made to do mean things to you, then knowing that you are no less of a person because of what someone else did to you. Understand that you did not deserve the abuse and it was not right for someone to abuse you. The main key to healing from abuse after you realized these things is to forgive the abuser. Forgiveness is the main tool needed for healing, without it, you cannot heal. Also remember, God will work all things for good when you see Romans 8:28 as a reference to this. Having faith and trusting in God to do this very thing is the last step in healing, and you will find out how God can use you from what you been through, and that will become a great joy and blessing.
Rodney Calmes
Be Yourself, You Have Nothing to Be Ashamed of
Have you ever hated yourself? Were you ever unable to accept yourself for who you are? Have you ever tried to be like everyone else? Have you ever been ashamed of who you are?
Have you ever thought about what caused you to think these things? Was it the mistreatment you got from others? Did you not fit in?
This happened to me, and I may not be like everyone else. I was never as good in sports like other kids, and I was left out because of that. There were areas where I was not as smart as other kids. I was slow in my early years, and through my grade school years. I cried easily, when I would see someone who was sad, it would make me cry. I was often picked on because of that, and I was told by some people in my family that there was something wrong with me because of that. As a result, I was ashamed of my emotions, I was ashamed of who I was, and tried to become like everyone else. I eventually became detached from my feelings and became like a robot, because I was ashamed of them. I felt like I was stupid. I felt that I did not deserve friends, and I felt that I did not deserve to be loved. I had a hard time accepting love or kindness. I became withdrawn.
One day, I came to accept Jesus Christ in my life, and read John 15:18-27, and found that God has set me apart from the world, and if I was of the world, the world would love me as its own, but I was set apart as a child of God. It has shown me that I was loved by God. I have read Genesis 1-3 and found that God has created me in His image, and He created me for who I was. I also read in 1 Cor 12, that God gave me gifts and talents, and each person has a different set of gifts and talents. Everyone is created unique. I became reattached to my emotions. I have learned that God has made me a loving and caring person, and my emotions show that. God has shown me that He loves me for who I am even if others do not. He has shown me that any sin in my life needs to be worked out, and I need to change those, but the person God created me to be, I have nothing to be ashamed of. God has given me a loving and caring heart so that many good things can happen, and as a result, I would be able to minister to many.
I would like to let you know, from what I learned, you are who God created you to be, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You do not need to be ashamed of who you are. You have talents that God has given you, and those talents can be put to good use. You do not need to be like everyone else. You are loved for who you are, and anyone who does not love you for who you are does not deserve you. You are unique, you are different than everyone else, but your uniqueness and difference is beautiful. God loves you the way you are. You do not need to be like everyone else, you are loved for who you are, be yourself. You have great gifts, that can be used to do great things, and accomplish much good. God accepts you for who you are. The only thing you need to change is the sin in your life, but everything else is beautiful. The greatest qualities that you will have is the love, care, and kindness that you show toward others. Exercise these, even if no one else does, because that will make you the most beautiful of all people.
Never be ashamed of who you are, you are loved, accept yourself, and be yourself.
God Bless,
Rodney Calmes
Have you ever thought about what caused you to think these things? Was it the mistreatment you got from others? Did you not fit in?
This happened to me, and I may not be like everyone else. I was never as good in sports like other kids, and I was left out because of that. There were areas where I was not as smart as other kids. I was slow in my early years, and through my grade school years. I cried easily, when I would see someone who was sad, it would make me cry. I was often picked on because of that, and I was told by some people in my family that there was something wrong with me because of that. As a result, I was ashamed of my emotions, I was ashamed of who I was, and tried to become like everyone else. I eventually became detached from my feelings and became like a robot, because I was ashamed of them. I felt like I was stupid. I felt that I did not deserve friends, and I felt that I did not deserve to be loved. I had a hard time accepting love or kindness. I became withdrawn.
One day, I came to accept Jesus Christ in my life, and read John 15:18-27, and found that God has set me apart from the world, and if I was of the world, the world would love me as its own, but I was set apart as a child of God. It has shown me that I was loved by God. I have read Genesis 1-3 and found that God has created me in His image, and He created me for who I was. I also read in 1 Cor 12, that God gave me gifts and talents, and each person has a different set of gifts and talents. Everyone is created unique. I became reattached to my emotions. I have learned that God has made me a loving and caring person, and my emotions show that. God has shown me that He loves me for who I am even if others do not. He has shown me that any sin in my life needs to be worked out, and I need to change those, but the person God created me to be, I have nothing to be ashamed of. God has given me a loving and caring heart so that many good things can happen, and as a result, I would be able to minister to many.
I would like to let you know, from what I learned, you are who God created you to be, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You do not need to be ashamed of who you are. You have talents that God has given you, and those talents can be put to good use. You do not need to be like everyone else. You are loved for who you are, and anyone who does not love you for who you are does not deserve you. You are unique, you are different than everyone else, but your uniqueness and difference is beautiful. God loves you the way you are. You do not need to be like everyone else, you are loved for who you are, be yourself. You have great gifts, that can be used to do great things, and accomplish much good. God accepts you for who you are. The only thing you need to change is the sin in your life, but everything else is beautiful. The greatest qualities that you will have is the love, care, and kindness that you show toward others. Exercise these, even if no one else does, because that will make you the most beautiful of all people.
Never be ashamed of who you are, you are loved, accept yourself, and be yourself.
God Bless,
Rodney Calmes
Emotional Effects of Abuse, How to Not to Deal With Them, How to Deal With Them Properly
THE EFFECTS OF ABUSE
Stages victims of abuse may go through:
1. Denial - Pretending it never happened, or completely forgetting that it happened. The emotional paini is so strong, that we want to forget about it, but when we are reminded of it by some circumstance, it produces Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. The best way to help others overcome the denial stage is to get them to talk about it.
2. Thinking we deserved it: We often try to make ourselves feel better by finding a reason that we deserved it or that it was right for someone to do it to us. That is very dangerous and can lead us to do it to others when others do the things that we thought we deserved abuse for.
3. Acceptance of the abuse and that it was wrong, we did not deserve it, and the person who did it to us was wrong: The first step in healing. This one is very hard because it exposes the emotional pain behind it and many times we break down from it. It is a necessary and crucial step in healing.
4. Forgiveness: Very necessary step to healing, this step frees us from the bitterness of abuse and many burdens are lifted when we have forgiven our abusers in our hearts. That does not mean accepting them back in our lives again to set us up for more abuse, it means not holding grudges against them.
5. God working things out for good: We must trust God to work all things out for good, and later on, He will. He will cause you to be a minister to others in one way or another as a result of what we went through.
Many of us who have been abused, especially childhood situations find healing from that emotional pain when we forgive our abusers, and God uses what we went through to help others, but there is more to it than that. There are many events that take place after the abuse is done. Example: self destructive behavior, lack of self worth, poor social skills - especially if abused as a young child, being picked on by others because we are different. These things also lead to emotional pains that we need healing from. We may have also learned bad things as a result. We have to unlearn the bad things we have learned, and relearn the things we should learn from the Bible. We also have to overcome the emotional pains from the bullying that we got, understand that we are not worthless, but loved and valuable, and one of the hardest things to talk about and find healing from is the self destructive behaviors that we may have engaged in.
Have you ever felt that you were different? Have you been left out, mistreated, made fun of, or alienated by others? Remember that it is ok to be different. You may not have been good in sports like the other kids, or you may have not learned as quickly as others. You may not have had the social skills that others had. Others may have been mean to you because you were different than they were. Remember this: Many of those who were different were very kind, loving, tenderhearted, and compassionate toward others. That may have been you. We are all different, and we all have things we are good at and not so good at. If you are that loving, kind, tenderhearted, and compassionate person, those are the greatest attributes you could have as a person, and those things are worth much more than being a fast learner, good in sports, or having great social skills. Those who have been mean to you have shown that they lack in love, compassion, kindness, and tenderheartedness. Those who were mean to you did not deserve you, you are much better than they are. You are God's special child, and He chose you out of the world because He will use you in great ways. Never forget that!
Has anyone made you feel like you were ugly, or have you ever felt that way about yourself? Think of this: True beauty comes from your heart. A heart full of love, compassion, gentleness and kindness is a very beautiful heart. That is what makes you beautiful. If you are a loving, compassionate, gentle and kind person, then you are a very beautiful person. Think about that!
WHAT NOT TO DO/WHAT TO DO
When someone tells people "Get over it!" they often intimidate the person, we make that person feel that there is something wrong with them because they carry that wound that they don't understand what it is like to carry. They promote silence. That is a lazy way of saying "I don't want to listen to you." "I don't want to deal with you." That is not what true friends do. No matter what someone has gone through the right thing to do is to get them to talk, listen to them, and let them feel free to talk, and gently encourage the person. Help that person move along, encourage them to move to the next step - which is not overnight, but moving them at their pace in which they are comfortable with. Listening to someone is putting the proper dressings on their wounds, and the right disinfectants on it to promote quicker healing. Don't blow a person off by saying "Get over it!", be a good listener to them and encourage them.
Many times we hear from other people "Get over it!". Most of those people have never experienced the deep emotional wounds that abuse leaves. They do not understand that it takes time to heal. Our wounds do not start to heal until we treat them. We may have hidden these wounds for many years, but they are still there. The healing process begins when we start talking about it and going through the emotions behind it. Those wounds hurt. If we pretend they are not there for 30 years, they are still there 30 years later. When we talk about it and accept the pain we went through, that is the first step in the treatment of the wound. Many who have not experienced this type of wound does not understand. You cannot tell a deep wound to stop hurting and expect immediate results. It takes time for that wound to heal and the hurt to diminish.
Many times when we have been abused, and we try to hide it, we go into a survival mode where we become like robots, we just exist physically and are completely empty inside with no feelings. I had this happen to me when I was in my teens. My emotions did not function after what I have been through. I just existed, I did not feel. I was polite to others, but had no feelings, and when my memories were triggered, it was so overwhelming that I went into a complete breakdown. If you are being abused or mistreated, talk to someone. Don't remain silent, don't keep pretending like it never happened, or this could happen to you. I did heal and my feelings got restored, I became a tender hearted person who loves others and wants what is best for them. God restored my heart after I had accepted Jesus Christ into my life and I had been able to exist as a person again rather than a robot. I used to be called "Robot Rod" at one of my work places, but now I became a caring, loving and compassionate person through the work of Jesus Christ in my life. I have been restored as a person.
Many of us who have been through abuse, bullying, or other bad things in life have wondered what we would be like if we haven’t gone through that. We may have wondered what our lives would have been like. Sometimes we long to be the person we would have been if we never gone through that.
We have been violated by others, and what was done to us was wrong, and what happened to us has changed our lives. We have had many struggles, we had to relearn many things as a result. We have felt disadvantaged through life.
Has these things stated above happened to you?
I have something to share with you. What you have gone through has made you a better person. If you would be able to see what you would have been like had the bad things not happened to you and you compare yourself to who you are now, you will find that you are a much better person as a result of going through the things you did. You can relate to others who are going through it. You have compassion on others that you may not have had otherwise. You are loved for who you are now, not for what you might have been if nothing has ever happened to you. You may not realize it at this time, but later, you will see that you will be blessed because of what you went through. You would not be the person you are now had you not gone through that. Do not be ashamed of the person you are now. When you have love, kindness, compassion, and care for others, you are an excellent person! Always remind yourself of that! Look at where you were and how far you have come! That says a lot about you!
Everything happens for a reason, and in the end, you will be blessed, and you will be strong. Remember: you are loved! What you went through will cause you to be a great help to many others that you may not have been able to help otherwise. You are very significant and valuable, and your love and kindness will change the lives of many. Be encouraged by this!
Accept yourself for who you are, and if you carry love, kindness, care, and compassion for others, you are an excellent person. Always tell yourself that!
You may feel healed after sharing your story of being abused, and have received comfort from it, and coming to forgiveness of it, but all the after effects and behaviors and habits you may have engaged in since also have to be broken down and walls have to be broken down, which can take time and patience. Do not rush it, and do not get discouraged if these things do not happen overnight.
God does not make junk. It is sin that makes junk and God redeemed all sin by dying on the cross, so that you are free from sin. You are not junk, but very precious and valuable.
Remember this: John 15:18-25
18 "If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 He who hates Me hates My Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. 25 But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, 'They hated Me without a cause.'
NKJV
Those who were mean to you hated you because you were set apart for God, and God chose you out of this world to do His will and His work, and you belong to Him.
Remember that any evil you have been through in your life, God can turn that around for good. God can make beauty out of ashes. God can use the bad situations in your life, deliver you from them, heal you from them, and help you to use that as a ministry to others to help them heal. God can use you to make a big difference in the lives of people. Think about that!
There are so many benefits of telling your story. Here are a few of them:
1. Abuse is devaluing. Talking about it is a declaration that you and what happened to you really matters.
2. Your experience may have been denied by others, and maybe even denied by you, but telling your story acknowledges the truth. It’s difficult to deny your abuse once you’ve revealed the secret. Telling the truth keeps you honest with yourself.
3. If you were threatened not to tell, telling helps to overcome the fear of breaking the secret.
4. The secrets you hold actually hold you, keeping you captive to the abuser’s power. Telling is a way to break free from the bond the secret created between you and your abuser.
5. Shame thrives in secrecy. Talking about your abuse helps to cast off the shame, both for yourself and other survivors.
6. Releasing the secret in this area helps you live more freely in other areas.
7. As long as you’re holding onto the secret, you’re also holding onto the pain. Sharing helps you access the feelings associated with your experience so you can release the pain.
8. Abuse is isolating. Telling is a way to connect with others. Having feedback from others heals the pain of isolation and makes support possible.
9. Telling may help you recover new memories and/or help you to see old memories in more detail. Telling the truth often leads to more truth.
Many times when we have been abused, we tend to internalize the abuse - we think it was us. We think we deserved it, we think there is something wrong with us, we think we are bad people, we think we were wrong, we think we were worthless, or that it was our fault.
None of these things are true! It was not you, you are not any less of a person because you were abused! You did not deserve it!
There is nothing wrong with you because you have been abused! You are not worthless, you are very valuable and precious! You are loved! It was not your fault! You may have made mistakes, but abuse is never called for! You had no control of what someone else decided to do to you! No one will think less of you because you were abused! When you choose to love others and be kind, people will respect you even more if they find out that you came from being abused to being a loving and kind person! No one will think any less of you! Look at where you came from and how far you have gone! That is commendable! Give glory to God for that! Do not be ashamed of anything you went through, the person who was mean to you or abused you has something to be ashamed of.
To anyone who has been abused: Many has been abused at different levels at different times in our lives. Remember this: You had no control of what others have done to you. It is not your fault if you have been abused. You may have done things that required discipline, but how others handled that is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you because you have been through this. There is something wrong with those who treated you cruelly. You are not accountable for what others did to you, but they will be accountable for what they did, and you will be accountable for what you do to others. There are many emotional hurts along with physical scars left behind. The only way to overcome is is to understand what happened to you and not try to hide it, then forgive those who have done it to you and trust that God will work all things for good, even if you do not understand why or how He will do it. After you have trusted in God and forgave the people who have done it to you and accepted your past, He will later on show you how He can work it for good.
You may think that this is nuts, but I would encourage all of you to do this: talk out all your thoughts and feelings out loud, even if you are alone. By talking out your thoughts and feelings, it helps you see things clearly, and helps you to release and cope with a lot of your emotions. If there is someone there you can trust, you can talk about it with them, but talking it out and praying can bring much healing. It is ok to cry, crying is a healthy way of releasing pain. I have felt intimidated by doing these things all my life and have dealt with emotions the wrong way, and held it all inside, but I found that I have been released from much pain by talking things out and praying. I would encourage this to help you too.
By Rodney Calmes
Stages victims of abuse may go through:
1. Denial - Pretending it never happened, or completely forgetting that it happened. The emotional paini is so strong, that we want to forget about it, but when we are reminded of it by some circumstance, it produces Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. The best way to help others overcome the denial stage is to get them to talk about it.
2. Thinking we deserved it: We often try to make ourselves feel better by finding a reason that we deserved it or that it was right for someone to do it to us. That is very dangerous and can lead us to do it to others when others do the things that we thought we deserved abuse for.
3. Acceptance of the abuse and that it was wrong, we did not deserve it, and the person who did it to us was wrong: The first step in healing. This one is very hard because it exposes the emotional pain behind it and many times we break down from it. It is a necessary and crucial step in healing.
4. Forgiveness: Very necessary step to healing, this step frees us from the bitterness of abuse and many burdens are lifted when we have forgiven our abusers in our hearts. That does not mean accepting them back in our lives again to set us up for more abuse, it means not holding grudges against them.
5. God working things out for good: We must trust God to work all things out for good, and later on, He will. He will cause you to be a minister to others in one way or another as a result of what we went through.
Many of us who have been abused, especially childhood situations find healing from that emotional pain when we forgive our abusers, and God uses what we went through to help others, but there is more to it than that. There are many events that take place after the abuse is done. Example: self destructive behavior, lack of self worth, poor social skills - especially if abused as a young child, being picked on by others because we are different. These things also lead to emotional pains that we need healing from. We may have also learned bad things as a result. We have to unlearn the bad things we have learned, and relearn the things we should learn from the Bible. We also have to overcome the emotional pains from the bullying that we got, understand that we are not worthless, but loved and valuable, and one of the hardest things to talk about and find healing from is the self destructive behaviors that we may have engaged in.
Have you ever felt that you were different? Have you been left out, mistreated, made fun of, or alienated by others? Remember that it is ok to be different. You may not have been good in sports like the other kids, or you may have not learned as quickly as others. You may not have had the social skills that others had. Others may have been mean to you because you were different than they were. Remember this: Many of those who were different were very kind, loving, tenderhearted, and compassionate toward others. That may have been you. We are all different, and we all have things we are good at and not so good at. If you are that loving, kind, tenderhearted, and compassionate person, those are the greatest attributes you could have as a person, and those things are worth much more than being a fast learner, good in sports, or having great social skills. Those who have been mean to you have shown that they lack in love, compassion, kindness, and tenderheartedness. Those who were mean to you did not deserve you, you are much better than they are. You are God's special child, and He chose you out of the world because He will use you in great ways. Never forget that!
Has anyone made you feel like you were ugly, or have you ever felt that way about yourself? Think of this: True beauty comes from your heart. A heart full of love, compassion, gentleness and kindness is a very beautiful heart. That is what makes you beautiful. If you are a loving, compassionate, gentle and kind person, then you are a very beautiful person. Think about that!
WHAT NOT TO DO/WHAT TO DO
When someone tells people "Get over it!" they often intimidate the person, we make that person feel that there is something wrong with them because they carry that wound that they don't understand what it is like to carry. They promote silence. That is a lazy way of saying "I don't want to listen to you." "I don't want to deal with you." That is not what true friends do. No matter what someone has gone through the right thing to do is to get them to talk, listen to them, and let them feel free to talk, and gently encourage the person. Help that person move along, encourage them to move to the next step - which is not overnight, but moving them at their pace in which they are comfortable with. Listening to someone is putting the proper dressings on their wounds, and the right disinfectants on it to promote quicker healing. Don't blow a person off by saying "Get over it!", be a good listener to them and encourage them.
Many times we hear from other people "Get over it!". Most of those people have never experienced the deep emotional wounds that abuse leaves. They do not understand that it takes time to heal. Our wounds do not start to heal until we treat them. We may have hidden these wounds for many years, but they are still there. The healing process begins when we start talking about it and going through the emotions behind it. Those wounds hurt. If we pretend they are not there for 30 years, they are still there 30 years later. When we talk about it and accept the pain we went through, that is the first step in the treatment of the wound. Many who have not experienced this type of wound does not understand. You cannot tell a deep wound to stop hurting and expect immediate results. It takes time for that wound to heal and the hurt to diminish.
Many times when we have been abused, and we try to hide it, we go into a survival mode where we become like robots, we just exist physically and are completely empty inside with no feelings. I had this happen to me when I was in my teens. My emotions did not function after what I have been through. I just existed, I did not feel. I was polite to others, but had no feelings, and when my memories were triggered, it was so overwhelming that I went into a complete breakdown. If you are being abused or mistreated, talk to someone. Don't remain silent, don't keep pretending like it never happened, or this could happen to you. I did heal and my feelings got restored, I became a tender hearted person who loves others and wants what is best for them. God restored my heart after I had accepted Jesus Christ into my life and I had been able to exist as a person again rather than a robot. I used to be called "Robot Rod" at one of my work places, but now I became a caring, loving and compassionate person through the work of Jesus Christ in my life. I have been restored as a person.
Many of us who have been through abuse, bullying, or other bad things in life have wondered what we would be like if we haven’t gone through that. We may have wondered what our lives would have been like. Sometimes we long to be the person we would have been if we never gone through that.
We have been violated by others, and what was done to us was wrong, and what happened to us has changed our lives. We have had many struggles, we had to relearn many things as a result. We have felt disadvantaged through life.
Has these things stated above happened to you?
I have something to share with you. What you have gone through has made you a better person. If you would be able to see what you would have been like had the bad things not happened to you and you compare yourself to who you are now, you will find that you are a much better person as a result of going through the things you did. You can relate to others who are going through it. You have compassion on others that you may not have had otherwise. You are loved for who you are now, not for what you might have been if nothing has ever happened to you. You may not realize it at this time, but later, you will see that you will be blessed because of what you went through. You would not be the person you are now had you not gone through that. Do not be ashamed of the person you are now. When you have love, kindness, compassion, and care for others, you are an excellent person! Always remind yourself of that! Look at where you were and how far you have come! That says a lot about you!
Everything happens for a reason, and in the end, you will be blessed, and you will be strong. Remember: you are loved! What you went through will cause you to be a great help to many others that you may not have been able to help otherwise. You are very significant and valuable, and your love and kindness will change the lives of many. Be encouraged by this!
Accept yourself for who you are, and if you carry love, kindness, care, and compassion for others, you are an excellent person. Always tell yourself that!
You may feel healed after sharing your story of being abused, and have received comfort from it, and coming to forgiveness of it, but all the after effects and behaviors and habits you may have engaged in since also have to be broken down and walls have to be broken down, which can take time and patience. Do not rush it, and do not get discouraged if these things do not happen overnight.
God does not make junk. It is sin that makes junk and God redeemed all sin by dying on the cross, so that you are free from sin. You are not junk, but very precious and valuable.
Remember this: John 15:18-25
18 "If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 He who hates Me hates My Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. 25 But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, 'They hated Me without a cause.'
NKJV
Those who were mean to you hated you because you were set apart for God, and God chose you out of this world to do His will and His work, and you belong to Him.
Remember that any evil you have been through in your life, God can turn that around for good. God can make beauty out of ashes. God can use the bad situations in your life, deliver you from them, heal you from them, and help you to use that as a ministry to others to help them heal. God can use you to make a big difference in the lives of people. Think about that!
There are so many benefits of telling your story. Here are a few of them:
1. Abuse is devaluing. Talking about it is a declaration that you and what happened to you really matters.
2. Your experience may have been denied by others, and maybe even denied by you, but telling your story acknowledges the truth. It’s difficult to deny your abuse once you’ve revealed the secret. Telling the truth keeps you honest with yourself.
3. If you were threatened not to tell, telling helps to overcome the fear of breaking the secret.
4. The secrets you hold actually hold you, keeping you captive to the abuser’s power. Telling is a way to break free from the bond the secret created between you and your abuser.
5. Shame thrives in secrecy. Talking about your abuse helps to cast off the shame, both for yourself and other survivors.
6. Releasing the secret in this area helps you live more freely in other areas.
7. As long as you’re holding onto the secret, you’re also holding onto the pain. Sharing helps you access the feelings associated with your experience so you can release the pain.
8. Abuse is isolating. Telling is a way to connect with others. Having feedback from others heals the pain of isolation and makes support possible.
9. Telling may help you recover new memories and/or help you to see old memories in more detail. Telling the truth often leads to more truth.
Many times when we have been abused, we tend to internalize the abuse - we think it was us. We think we deserved it, we think there is something wrong with us, we think we are bad people, we think we were wrong, we think we were worthless, or that it was our fault.
None of these things are true! It was not you, you are not any less of a person because you were abused! You did not deserve it!
There is nothing wrong with you because you have been abused! You are not worthless, you are very valuable and precious! You are loved! It was not your fault! You may have made mistakes, but abuse is never called for! You had no control of what someone else decided to do to you! No one will think less of you because you were abused! When you choose to love others and be kind, people will respect you even more if they find out that you came from being abused to being a loving and kind person! No one will think any less of you! Look at where you came from and how far you have gone! That is commendable! Give glory to God for that! Do not be ashamed of anything you went through, the person who was mean to you or abused you has something to be ashamed of.
To anyone who has been abused: Many has been abused at different levels at different times in our lives. Remember this: You had no control of what others have done to you. It is not your fault if you have been abused. You may have done things that required discipline, but how others handled that is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you because you have been through this. There is something wrong with those who treated you cruelly. You are not accountable for what others did to you, but they will be accountable for what they did, and you will be accountable for what you do to others. There are many emotional hurts along with physical scars left behind. The only way to overcome is is to understand what happened to you and not try to hide it, then forgive those who have done it to you and trust that God will work all things for good, even if you do not understand why or how He will do it. After you have trusted in God and forgave the people who have done it to you and accepted your past, He will later on show you how He can work it for good.
You may think that this is nuts, but I would encourage all of you to do this: talk out all your thoughts and feelings out loud, even if you are alone. By talking out your thoughts and feelings, it helps you see things clearly, and helps you to release and cope with a lot of your emotions. If there is someone there you can trust, you can talk about it with them, but talking it out and praying can bring much healing. It is ok to cry, crying is a healthy way of releasing pain. I have felt intimidated by doing these things all my life and have dealt with emotions the wrong way, and held it all inside, but I found that I have been released from much pain by talking things out and praying. I would encourage this to help you too.
By Rodney Calmes
You are Loved, God Created You to be Loved, You are Beautiful
God has created us to be loved. He loves us and wants others to love us as well. Anyone who has not loved us or been mean to us will have to answer to God for what they did. If we return evil for evil, we would be no better than our abusers. Be loving and compassionate people who God called us to be and let Him deal with those who do not want to do that. John 3:16 16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. NKJV John 13:34-35 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
NKJV
You were not created to be abused, and God has never called anyone to abuse another person. You were created to be loved, and remember that God loves you and there are others who love you as well.
John 15:18-25 18 "If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 He who hates Me hates My Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. 25 But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, 'They hated Me without a cause.' NKJV Even if it seems that no one loves you or that no one cares, God still loves you and you are precious to Him. God also provides others on this earth who love you and care about you as well. You are not unloved. This has shown me that God loves me no matter what others have done.
Have you been abused or bullied? Have you ever felt unloved? Remember this: if it seems that no one loves you, God loves you. God has loved you so much that He died for you on a cross to forgive your sins, and you are spotless and without blemish, because you have been washed clean by the blood of Jesus. God loved you so much that He created you in His image, and God is perfect. A perfect God cannot have accidents, so you are not an accident. You are very precious to Him. God created you to be loved, and anyone who has not loved you like God loves you has sinned against you and has sinned against God. You are not any less of a person because others have been mean to you. You are a loving, kind, gentle, compassionate, and tenderhearted person. Those who have been mean to you are those who are lacking in these things. I have also been bullied in school from the time I was in grade school through junior high school, because I was not as socially skilled like others and I was different. I know what you are going through, because I went through that. Remember, you are a greater person than they are. You have the most important and greatest attributes, which is love, kindness, tenderheartedness, and compassion. That is what makes you a great person. Never forget that.
Every person is very valuable and precious in the sight of God, there is no one who is worthless. No one is an accident, God created everyone with a purpose. That includes you! Never think of yourself as being stupid, dumb, worthless, useless, an accident, etc. Consider yourself as beautiful, precious, valuable, loved, smart, and have confidence that God can do great things through you! God Loves you!
We look at people and say "this one is beautiful" and "that one is ugly", and we say this based on looks. God created everyone of us equally beautiful in his sight. All people are very beautiful in the sight of God. He created everyone of us differently. All people have different shapes, sizes, hair color, eye color, etc. All people are beautiful and unique. The only thing that can make us ugly is sin in our lives, but when we repent of those sins and turn to Jesus, we are forgiven, and our beauty is restored. God did not create anyone ugly.
Gen 1:27 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
NKJV
Gen 1:31 31 Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
NKJV
2 Cor 5:17 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
NKJV
Ps 139:14 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
NKJV
God has created you in His image, He has made you beautiful, and He loves you. God is perfect and cannot have accidents. You were created by God's intent, and you were not an accident. You are very valuable and precious to Him. You do not exist by chance, God created you for a purpose. You are a child of God. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
John 13:34-35 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
NKJV
Anyone can say they are a Christian, but the evidence shows by the love you show toward others, and how you treat others.
I would like to let every one of you know that all of you are human beings created by God, and everything God has created is precious, and every person is worth being loved, that includes you, all of you. Anytime you need me to pray for you, I will. You are all worth it. There is not any one of you who are worthless. There is no one that is an accident, an none of you are accidents.
You are all loved, whether I have known you previously or not.
By Rodney Calmes
NKJV
You were not created to be abused, and God has never called anyone to abuse another person. You were created to be loved, and remember that God loves you and there are others who love you as well.
John 15:18-25 18 "If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 He who hates Me hates My Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. 25 But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, 'They hated Me without a cause.' NKJV Even if it seems that no one loves you or that no one cares, God still loves you and you are precious to Him. God also provides others on this earth who love you and care about you as well. You are not unloved. This has shown me that God loves me no matter what others have done.
Have you been abused or bullied? Have you ever felt unloved? Remember this: if it seems that no one loves you, God loves you. God has loved you so much that He died for you on a cross to forgive your sins, and you are spotless and without blemish, because you have been washed clean by the blood of Jesus. God loved you so much that He created you in His image, and God is perfect. A perfect God cannot have accidents, so you are not an accident. You are very precious to Him. God created you to be loved, and anyone who has not loved you like God loves you has sinned against you and has sinned against God. You are not any less of a person because others have been mean to you. You are a loving, kind, gentle, compassionate, and tenderhearted person. Those who have been mean to you are those who are lacking in these things. I have also been bullied in school from the time I was in grade school through junior high school, because I was not as socially skilled like others and I was different. I know what you are going through, because I went through that. Remember, you are a greater person than they are. You have the most important and greatest attributes, which is love, kindness, tenderheartedness, and compassion. That is what makes you a great person. Never forget that.
Every person is very valuable and precious in the sight of God, there is no one who is worthless. No one is an accident, God created everyone with a purpose. That includes you! Never think of yourself as being stupid, dumb, worthless, useless, an accident, etc. Consider yourself as beautiful, precious, valuable, loved, smart, and have confidence that God can do great things through you! God Loves you!
We look at people and say "this one is beautiful" and "that one is ugly", and we say this based on looks. God created everyone of us equally beautiful in his sight. All people are very beautiful in the sight of God. He created everyone of us differently. All people have different shapes, sizes, hair color, eye color, etc. All people are beautiful and unique. The only thing that can make us ugly is sin in our lives, but when we repent of those sins and turn to Jesus, we are forgiven, and our beauty is restored. God did not create anyone ugly.
Gen 1:27 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
NKJV
Gen 1:31 31 Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
NKJV
2 Cor 5:17 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
NKJV
Ps 139:14 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
NKJV
God has created you in His image, He has made you beautiful, and He loves you. God is perfect and cannot have accidents. You were created by God's intent, and you were not an accident. You are very valuable and precious to Him. You do not exist by chance, God created you for a purpose. You are a child of God. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
John 13:34-35 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
NKJV
Anyone can say they are a Christian, but the evidence shows by the love you show toward others, and how you treat others.
I would like to let every one of you know that all of you are human beings created by God, and everything God has created is precious, and every person is worth being loved, that includes you, all of you. Anytime you need me to pray for you, I will. You are all worth it. There is not any one of you who are worthless. There is no one that is an accident, an none of you are accidents.
You are all loved, whether I have known you previously or not.
By Rodney Calmes
Everything Will Work For Good, Do Not Worry, God is in Control, With Every Trial Comes a Blessing
Matt 6:25-34
25 "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 "So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 "Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
NKJV
God has you in His hand. God is in control of all things. Do not fear, God will not let one hair fall off your head outside His will. You are much more valuable and worth much more than many sparrows. God takes care of the sparrows, so He will take care of you too. You are God's child, and He loves you!
25 "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 "So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 "Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
NKJV
God has you in His hand. God is in control of all things. Do not fear, God will not let one hair fall off your head outside His will. You are much more valuable and worth much more than many sparrows. God takes care of the sparrows, so He will take care of you too. You are God's child, and He loves you!
James 1:2-5
2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
NKJV
We all go through trials for a purpose, never get discouraged by them, but be encouraged that God will work out all your trials for good, and in the end, you will be blessed by the trials you have gone through. You will see the differences you made in other people's lives, the things you have learned in scripture, and the character God made you to be. Never give up, be encouraged, and in all things give thanks to God.
Never forget what Jesus has done for you on the cross, Your sins have been washed clean and you are pure and holy before God as a result of what Jesus did for you. You are not your past, but you are a new creation in Christ.
Heb 13:5
For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
NKJV
God promises to never leave you nor forsake you.
God bless you, and remember God loves you and has always loved you,
Rom 8:28-30
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
NKJV
No matter what you are going through, or what you have been through, God can deliver you, he can take what ever it is and turn it around for good. God can take even the worst circumstances and turn it around to be a great blessing if you trust Him to do it.
People, I would like to let you know that if you are going through anything in your life, even the worst of situations, God has a way of turning that around later into a blessing. Do not give up, or get depressed because of it. If you trust God, He will turn that around for you. Many of you know, I have been through a lot of bad things in my life, and God has turned every one of those things around into a blessing. I would not be the person I am today had I not gone through these things, and being able to understand others going through that, I have been able to encourage many people as a result of the things I have gone through, and now it became a blessing for me. That same thing can happen to you also. With every trial, comes a blessing in the end. Trust God, and He will make that happen for you. Give all your cares to God and He will give you peace. Do not lose heart, and hang in there. If you need prayer for anything, I will be there to pray for you.
John 3:16-17
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
NKJV
God loved you so much that He gave His son for you. God paid His life for you, you are that valuable to Him. If you were not valuable, He would have never done that for you. You are not an accident, God created you, and God cannot have accidents. You are not a mistake, God cannot make mistakes. You were created because God had a purpose for you. You will be there to impact other lives, you are there for other people who need you. What if you didn’t exist and you would have been the only person who would have been there for another person, that person would have no one. What if something you did or said impacted or changed someone’s life or even saved it. That person’s life would have never changed if you were not there. That person’s life would have never been changed, or that person’s life you might have saved would have been gone. What if you encouraged another person who in turn encouraged another person, and as a result the other person encouraged others and many others were encouraged. This would have never happened if you did not exist.
Have you ever thought about how many people you could impact in the future, or how many people may need you in the future, and the difference you could make? Think of that. You will find out how much you matter. You will find out how valuable you are. God can use you to do great things if you trust in Him.
By Rodney Calmes
You Matter, You Are Not an Accident, God Created You For A Purpose
1 Cor 6:19-20 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. NKJV God bought you with a price, the death of His own Son. That is a very precious price to pay for you. If God did not love you and you were not precious to Him, He would have not done that. You are very important to God and He loves you, and you are very precious to Him. If you were worthless, God would not have paid a precious price for you. You are not worthless. You are God's. You belong to Him. When you allow God to dwell in you through His Holy Spirit, great things can be accomplished. God can use you, and as a result, you can make a difference in many lives as a result of God working through you. Be encouraged by this. Never get discouraged. Never let anyone make you feel worthless, because you are not worthless.
If you ever thought that you did not matter, consider this:
1. The boy who talked to you at the bus stop, and you were there to listen to him to find out his parents spend all their time at the bar and don't pay attention to him. Your time spent talking to him could have meant a lot to him.
2. The girl who came to talk to you when you were working on a car, and you were kind to her and found out that she has a divorced mother who works a lot and her dad never comes around. Your kindness to her could have meant a lot to her.
3. The guy who rides by on a bike who stops to talk to you, and you find out that you were the only one he had to talk to.
Had you not been there, what would have happened to those people?
If you ever thought you would not accomplish much, or that you were insignificant, I would like to tell you otherwise.
Phil 4:13
13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
NKJV
If you trust in God, God will cause you to do great things, and those great things come from the love, kindness, compassion, and care that you have for others. By showing these things to others, you are doing great things. You do not have to be the president of the United States to do great things. The love, compassion, kindness, and care you show towards others accomplishes those great things. Every one of you can do great things and there is no one who cannot do great things. Be encouraged by this.
Have you ever thought that you could not be used by God, think of this:
Jacob was a thief, but was yet used by God and he became Isreal. Peter lied & denied,but yet was used to build the church among Jerusalem. David had an affair, but yet was a man after God's own heart. Noah was an ugly drunk, but yet built an Ark to save his family and the animals from the flood. Jonah was judgmental & bitter, but yet preached to Nineveh to repent so that God did not take His judgment on them. Paul was a murderer, but God used him to do great things. Moses had a speech problem & a temper, but he was used to lead the Isrealites to the promised land and freed them from slavery in Egypt. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. If you think God cannot use you, think of these guys on how God used them. God can use you to do great things if you trust Him. There is none of you who cannot be used by God.
Many times when we have been abused or bullied, people take away our sense of self worth. We feel worthless, useless, no good, stupid, or dumb. We feel that we don’t matter. We feel that we are not much of a person. We feel that there is something wrong with us. We often get depressed. I would like to share some things with you.
Eph 2:8-10
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
NKJV
We have been created by God, we are His workmanship, God created us for good works in which He prepared for us. God can and will use us to do great things if we trust in Him. You matter, you are not worthless, God gives you your wisdom, and you are not stupid or dumb. Just because you are not the same as someone else or can do the same things they can do, God gave you unique abilities to accomplish His will, and those abilities are very valuable. We are all different and no two people are the same. You are not any less of a person because people were mean to you. God loves you and I will show you God’s love and how valuable you are.
John 3:16-17
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
NKJV
God loved you so much that He gave His son for you. God paid His life for you, you are that valuable to Him. If you were not valuable, He would have never done that for you. You are not an accident, God created you, and God cannot have accidents. You are not a mistake, God cannot make mistakes. You were created because God had a purpose for you. You will be there to impact other lives, you are there for other people who need you. What if you didn’t exist and you would have been the only person who would have been there for another person, that person would have no one. What if something you did or said impacted or changed someone’s life or even saved it. That person’s life would have never changed if you were not there. That person’s life would have never been changed, or that person’s life you might have saved would have been gone. What if you encouraged another person who in turn encouraged another person, and as a result the other person encouraged others and many others were encouraged. This would have never happened if you did not exist.
Have you ever thought about how many people you could impact in the future, or how many people may need you in the future, and the difference you could make? Think of that. You will find out how much you matter. You will find out how valuable you are. God can use you to do great things if you trust in Him.
By Rodney Calmes
If you ever thought that you did not matter, consider this:
1. The boy who talked to you at the bus stop, and you were there to listen to him to find out his parents spend all their time at the bar and don't pay attention to him. Your time spent talking to him could have meant a lot to him.
2. The girl who came to talk to you when you were working on a car, and you were kind to her and found out that she has a divorced mother who works a lot and her dad never comes around. Your kindness to her could have meant a lot to her.
3. The guy who rides by on a bike who stops to talk to you, and you find out that you were the only one he had to talk to.
Had you not been there, what would have happened to those people?
If you ever thought you would not accomplish much, or that you were insignificant, I would like to tell you otherwise.
Phil 4:13
13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
NKJV
If you trust in God, God will cause you to do great things, and those great things come from the love, kindness, compassion, and care that you have for others. By showing these things to others, you are doing great things. You do not have to be the president of the United States to do great things. The love, compassion, kindness, and care you show towards others accomplishes those great things. Every one of you can do great things and there is no one who cannot do great things. Be encouraged by this.
Have you ever thought that you could not be used by God, think of this:
Jacob was a thief, but was yet used by God and he became Isreal. Peter lied & denied,but yet was used to build the church among Jerusalem. David had an affair, but yet was a man after God's own heart. Noah was an ugly drunk, but yet built an Ark to save his family and the animals from the flood. Jonah was judgmental & bitter, but yet preached to Nineveh to repent so that God did not take His judgment on them. Paul was a murderer, but God used him to do great things. Moses had a speech problem & a temper, but he was used to lead the Isrealites to the promised land and freed them from slavery in Egypt. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. If you think God cannot use you, think of these guys on how God used them. God can use you to do great things if you trust Him. There is none of you who cannot be used by God.
Many times when we have been abused or bullied, people take away our sense of self worth. We feel worthless, useless, no good, stupid, or dumb. We feel that we don’t matter. We feel that we are not much of a person. We feel that there is something wrong with us. We often get depressed. I would like to share some things with you.
Eph 2:8-10
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
NKJV
We have been created by God, we are His workmanship, God created us for good works in which He prepared for us. God can and will use us to do great things if we trust in Him. You matter, you are not worthless, God gives you your wisdom, and you are not stupid or dumb. Just because you are not the same as someone else or can do the same things they can do, God gave you unique abilities to accomplish His will, and those abilities are very valuable. We are all different and no two people are the same. You are not any less of a person because people were mean to you. God loves you and I will show you God’s love and how valuable you are.
John 3:16-17
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
NKJV
God loved you so much that He gave His son for you. God paid His life for you, you are that valuable to Him. If you were not valuable, He would have never done that for you. You are not an accident, God created you, and God cannot have accidents. You are not a mistake, God cannot make mistakes. You were created because God had a purpose for you. You will be there to impact other lives, you are there for other people who need you. What if you didn’t exist and you would have been the only person who would have been there for another person, that person would have no one. What if something you did or said impacted or changed someone’s life or even saved it. That person’s life would have never changed if you were not there. That person’s life would have never been changed, or that person’s life you might have saved would have been gone. What if you encouraged another person who in turn encouraged another person, and as a result the other person encouraged others and many others were encouraged. This would have never happened if you did not exist.
Have you ever thought about how many people you could impact in the future, or how many people may need you in the future, and the difference you could make? Think of that. You will find out how much you matter. You will find out how valuable you are. God can use you to do great things if you trust in Him.
By Rodney Calmes
How We Should Treat Others And Encourage Them That They Are Loved, And Teach Our Children About Bullying
If you know someone who has been bullied, encourage them this: They are loved, let them know that, let them know that God loves them, it is ok if they are not like everyone else, encourage them of their good qualities, and let them know that no matter how different they are that they are loved unconditionally, and that you accept them for who they are. Stand beside them, let them know that you are their friend. Encourage them to share their feelings, don't let them try to hide it. If they are hurt by how others treated them let them know that it is ok to feel that way. Tell them that you are there for them. My mother told me these things when I was bullied and that changed my life. You can make a difference in others lives as well by showing your kindness, and that person may look up to you forever.
If you know someone who is not being loved, be there for them, you can also feel free to share anything I have posted if you feel it can be an encouragement to others. I would also like to share a passage out of the Bible that has encouraged me - it was one of the first passages I have read.
Here it is:
John 15:18-25
18 "If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 He who hates Me hates My Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. 25 But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, 'They hated Me without a cause.'
NKJV
This has shown me that God loves me no matter what others have done. If you know someone who is not being loved, or being mistreated or bullied by others, share that Bible passage with them, let them know that God loves them, and also show them that you care. There are many people out there who are being bullied and they don't survive - they end up committing suicide, there is no need for any good person to waste their life. Your love and kindness could mean the difference between life or death for someone. Not everyone may come out of this as strongly as I have, and to let you know today, I am doing everything I can to help others who are victims of abuse, or victims of bullying, and trying to get messages out for others to take heed, so that the least as many people as possible would be mistreated. You have my permission to copy and paste any comments, or posts regarding this to encourage others or warn others of what bullying can do to a person, so as many measures as possible can be taken for these things to be prevented.
If you have children who are being picked on or bullied, be there to take the time to listen to them. It may be painful for them to talk about it, and they may want to pretend like nothing is happening. Listen to what their teachers have to say, and if there is any indication that they are being bullied, be persistent in talking about it, it would be good for them to get it out and release their pain. Encourage them that you love them. Encourage them that it is ok to be different, and that God created them that way. Encourage them to continue to be loving and kind children, and let them know that their love and kindness is a much greater quality and makes them a much better person than those who have all the abilities in the world but yet does mean things to others, and those who are mean to your children, have shown themselves to lack love and kindness. Encourage that to your child and encourage God's love to them. Love will get them through that. Encourage your children that it is ok to be themselves, and not to try to be like everyone else to get accepted. Trying to be someone else does not get you accepted. If another child is being picked on along with your own, encourage them that picking on that other child to get accepted will not work. I made that mistake and it haunted me for a long time, and I was even less accepted after I did that. Never tell your children that if they are being picked on that there must be something wrong with them, that will further discourage them. Encourage them to turn from sin, but to be themselves, and it is ok to be themselves, and always be persistent in loving your children, and always take time for them. Do not be too busy for your children.
Please take this seriously: If you are a parent of a child who is being bullied or abused by others, let them know that you love them, show your love to them, and be there to listen to them. Encourage them to talk to you, and listen to what they say. Never make them feel that there is something wrong with them because others are treating them that way, but always encourage them to love others despite how they are being treated. Let them know that their love and kindness shows them to be a much greater person than those who were mean to them. Encourage them in their strengths, let them know that it is ok to be themselves, pray for them, and pray with them. Let them know that they are loved for who they are, and let them know that God loves them and created them for who they are. Be there for them anytime they need you, never shut them out. You may not stop the bullying, but your love for them will get them through it.
Teach your child to observe other children, if one is left out or is alone, come along side them and include them. If your child goes to an event and they tell you they had fun, ask them if the child standing alone had fun to get them to think abou that. Loving your children and teaching your children to be loving and kind can make a difference in the lives of many. If your child is bullying others, address it immediately. The more you follow this, the less people will be out there hurting.
James 2:14-17
14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
NKJV
Anytime you see someone in need, help them. Do not ignore them. If you see someone pulled over on the side of the road, do what you can to help them. If you see someone sitting alone at a gathering, include them. If you see someone who is lonely, talk to them. If you see someone who is being abused, do something, do not just let it happen or ignore it. If a person needs someone to talk to, listen to them, your listening to them could mean the world to them. Help someone whenever you can, it will be rewarding for you, even if it seems that you do not have time. What you do to help others will someday come back to you. If someone has helped you, remember that, and remember how they helped you as an example as to how you can help others. If you ignore the needs of others, it will be a curse to you. If you help others, it will be a blessing to you.
We need to pray for all who have suffered abuse and the emotional effects that come with it. We need to pray for their healing - both physically and emotionally. We also need to pray for those being abused for their safety and well being as well, and also that they may find shelter from the abuse and be placed where they are safe. If we know someone who has been abused, we need to be a support for them, we need to listen to them without judgment, and we need to pray for them - everyone needs a good friend. We need to accept people for who they are and love them the way God loves us. Anything we do to fall short of loving others is sin.
If you know someone who has been bullied, encourage them this: They are loved, let them know that, let them know that God loves them, it is ok if they are not like everyone else, encourage them of their good qualities, and let them know that no matter how different they are that they are loved unconditionally, and that you accept them for who they are. Stand beside them, let them know that you are their friend. Encourage them to share their feelings, don't let them try to hide it. If they are hurt by how others treated them let them know that it is ok to feel that way. Tell them that you are there for them. My mother told me these things when I was bullied and that changed my life. You can make a difference in others lives as well by showing your kindness, and that person may look up to you forever.
Prov 12:10
10 A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal,
but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.
NIV
Righteous People are kind to people and animals, but wicked men abuse humans and animals and are cruel to them. God hates it when a person is cruel to another human or animal.
John 13:34-35
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
NKJV
Anyone can say they are a Christian, but the evidence shows by the love you show toward others, and how you treat others.
There is another form of abuse that is very common and people don't think about it. It is most common from child to child, co worker to co worker, boss to employee, sometimes parent to child, or spouse to spouse, etc. That is bullying. There are many hurts that go along with bullying - deep emotional pain that can go on for even a lifetime. Almost everyone has been bullied at least once in their lives. Bullying includes the following: Saying unkind things to people - intending to hurt them, leaving people out or not including them, making fun of them, and can include hitting and shoving. Bullying can have devastating effects - in some cases lead to suicide. The only way to overcome bullying is to be kind to one another. Our kindness to another person can make a difference for them. Teach our children to be kind, and when we see someone being bullied, come to their side and let them know that you care, and listen to that person. Your act of kindness can change their life. Let's be kind and overcome evil with kindness.
How people treat you does not determine whether or not you are a good person, but what determines that is how you treat others. If you are kind, gentle, loving, and caring toward others, that will make you a great person. If you are mean to others, that will make you a bad person.
By Rodney Calmes
If you know someone who is not being loved, be there for them, you can also feel free to share anything I have posted if you feel it can be an encouragement to others. I would also like to share a passage out of the Bible that has encouraged me - it was one of the first passages I have read.
Here it is:
John 15:18-25
18 "If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 He who hates Me hates My Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. 25 But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, 'They hated Me without a cause.'
NKJV
This has shown me that God loves me no matter what others have done. If you know someone who is not being loved, or being mistreated or bullied by others, share that Bible passage with them, let them know that God loves them, and also show them that you care. There are many people out there who are being bullied and they don't survive - they end up committing suicide, there is no need for any good person to waste their life. Your love and kindness could mean the difference between life or death for someone. Not everyone may come out of this as strongly as I have, and to let you know today, I am doing everything I can to help others who are victims of abuse, or victims of bullying, and trying to get messages out for others to take heed, so that the least as many people as possible would be mistreated. You have my permission to copy and paste any comments, or posts regarding this to encourage others or warn others of what bullying can do to a person, so as many measures as possible can be taken for these things to be prevented.
If you have children who are being picked on or bullied, be there to take the time to listen to them. It may be painful for them to talk about it, and they may want to pretend like nothing is happening. Listen to what their teachers have to say, and if there is any indication that they are being bullied, be persistent in talking about it, it would be good for them to get it out and release their pain. Encourage them that you love them. Encourage them that it is ok to be different, and that God created them that way. Encourage them to continue to be loving and kind children, and let them know that their love and kindness is a much greater quality and makes them a much better person than those who have all the abilities in the world but yet does mean things to others, and those who are mean to your children, have shown themselves to lack love and kindness. Encourage that to your child and encourage God's love to them. Love will get them through that. Encourage your children that it is ok to be themselves, and not to try to be like everyone else to get accepted. Trying to be someone else does not get you accepted. If another child is being picked on along with your own, encourage them that picking on that other child to get accepted will not work. I made that mistake and it haunted me for a long time, and I was even less accepted after I did that. Never tell your children that if they are being picked on that there must be something wrong with them, that will further discourage them. Encourage them to turn from sin, but to be themselves, and it is ok to be themselves, and always be persistent in loving your children, and always take time for them. Do not be too busy for your children.
Please take this seriously: If you are a parent of a child who is being bullied or abused by others, let them know that you love them, show your love to them, and be there to listen to them. Encourage them to talk to you, and listen to what they say. Never make them feel that there is something wrong with them because others are treating them that way, but always encourage them to love others despite how they are being treated. Let them know that their love and kindness shows them to be a much greater person than those who were mean to them. Encourage them in their strengths, let them know that it is ok to be themselves, pray for them, and pray with them. Let them know that they are loved for who they are, and let them know that God loves them and created them for who they are. Be there for them anytime they need you, never shut them out. You may not stop the bullying, but your love for them will get them through it.
Teach your child to observe other children, if one is left out or is alone, come along side them and include them. If your child goes to an event and they tell you they had fun, ask them if the child standing alone had fun to get them to think abou that. Loving your children and teaching your children to be loving and kind can make a difference in the lives of many. If your child is bullying others, address it immediately. The more you follow this, the less people will be out there hurting.
James 2:14-17
14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
NKJV
Anytime you see someone in need, help them. Do not ignore them. If you see someone pulled over on the side of the road, do what you can to help them. If you see someone sitting alone at a gathering, include them. If you see someone who is lonely, talk to them. If you see someone who is being abused, do something, do not just let it happen or ignore it. If a person needs someone to talk to, listen to them, your listening to them could mean the world to them. Help someone whenever you can, it will be rewarding for you, even if it seems that you do not have time. What you do to help others will someday come back to you. If someone has helped you, remember that, and remember how they helped you as an example as to how you can help others. If you ignore the needs of others, it will be a curse to you. If you help others, it will be a blessing to you.
We need to pray for all who have suffered abuse and the emotional effects that come with it. We need to pray for their healing - both physically and emotionally. We also need to pray for those being abused for their safety and well being as well, and also that they may find shelter from the abuse and be placed where they are safe. If we know someone who has been abused, we need to be a support for them, we need to listen to them without judgment, and we need to pray for them - everyone needs a good friend. We need to accept people for who they are and love them the way God loves us. Anything we do to fall short of loving others is sin.
If you know someone who has been bullied, encourage them this: They are loved, let them know that, let them know that God loves them, it is ok if they are not like everyone else, encourage them of their good qualities, and let them know that no matter how different they are that they are loved unconditionally, and that you accept them for who they are. Stand beside them, let them know that you are their friend. Encourage them to share their feelings, don't let them try to hide it. If they are hurt by how others treated them let them know that it is ok to feel that way. Tell them that you are there for them. My mother told me these things when I was bullied and that changed my life. You can make a difference in others lives as well by showing your kindness, and that person may look up to you forever.
Prov 12:10
10 A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal,
but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.
NIV
Righteous People are kind to people and animals, but wicked men abuse humans and animals and are cruel to them. God hates it when a person is cruel to another human or animal.
John 13:34-35
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
NKJV
Anyone can say they are a Christian, but the evidence shows by the love you show toward others, and how you treat others.
There is another form of abuse that is very common and people don't think about it. It is most common from child to child, co worker to co worker, boss to employee, sometimes parent to child, or spouse to spouse, etc. That is bullying. There are many hurts that go along with bullying - deep emotional pain that can go on for even a lifetime. Almost everyone has been bullied at least once in their lives. Bullying includes the following: Saying unkind things to people - intending to hurt them, leaving people out or not including them, making fun of them, and can include hitting and shoving. Bullying can have devastating effects - in some cases lead to suicide. The only way to overcome bullying is to be kind to one another. Our kindness to another person can make a difference for them. Teach our children to be kind, and when we see someone being bullied, come to their side and let them know that you care, and listen to that person. Your act of kindness can change their life. Let's be kind and overcome evil with kindness.
How people treat you does not determine whether or not you are a good person, but what determines that is how you treat others. If you are kind, gentle, loving, and caring toward others, that will make you a great person. If you are mean to others, that will make you a bad person.
By Rodney Calmes
Forgiveness, What It Means To Forgive, Why We Should Forgive
Never forget what Jesus has done for you on the cross, Your sins have been washed clean and you are pure and holy before God as a result of what Jesus did for you. You are not your past, but you are a new creation in Christ.
Eph 6:12-13
12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
NKJV
Luke 7:41-47
41 "There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?"43 Simon answered and said, "I suppose the one whom he forgave more."And He said to him, "You have rightly judged." 44 Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. 45 You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. 46 You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. 47 Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little."
NKJV
Remember how much you were forgiven and the suffering Jesus went through to forgive you. When you realize how much you were forgiven, you love much, then when others wrong you and you forgive them, they may also love you much. Forgive others as God has forgiven you, and many of your hurts will heal.
Forgiveness is not pretending something never happened to you, it is not thinking that what happened to you is right or that "you deserved it". Forgiveness is accepting the wrong things that happened to you, and knowing that these things were wrong or that "you did not deserve it", then you decide to not hold any hard feelings or bitterness against that person who did it to you, and still love the person and accepting that the person can go to heaven if they repent. It is giving that person a clean slate even though you know that they wronged you. It doesn't mean that you have to go back to that person and set yourself up to be hurt again, or to trust that person. It means that you hold no grudges against that person. Forgiveness is the only way that you can heal from the hurt that a person put you through.
Matt 6:14-15
14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
NKJV
No one person can sin against us as many times as we have sinned against God. God forgave us of all of our sins by dying on the cross and taking on more pain than we ever have, so we should fogive those who hurt us as God forgave us. That is the only way we can heal from our hurts, then understand that God will work all things that we have been through for our good.
When you have forgiven your abuser and let go of the bitterness, your emotional wound will be healed. You may be tempted to take back the bitterness and unforgive the abuser, this may occur often especially immediately after forgiving the abuser. If this occurs, take those thoughts captive, constantly remind yourself what Jesus did to forgive you and remind yourself that you have forgiven the abuser. If you take back the bitterness, then you will reopen the wound that was already healed, and you will have to heal all over again. The more you take those thoughts captive and remind yourself that you have forgiven the abuser and let go of the bitterness, the weaker and weaker the temptation gets, and your healing will be stronger.
By Rodney Calmes
Eph 6:12-13
12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
NKJV
Luke 7:41-47
41 "There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?"43 Simon answered and said, "I suppose the one whom he forgave more."And He said to him, "You have rightly judged." 44 Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. 45 You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. 46 You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. 47 Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little."
NKJV
Remember how much you were forgiven and the suffering Jesus went through to forgive you. When you realize how much you were forgiven, you love much, then when others wrong you and you forgive them, they may also love you much. Forgive others as God has forgiven you, and many of your hurts will heal.
Forgiveness is not pretending something never happened to you, it is not thinking that what happened to you is right or that "you deserved it". Forgiveness is accepting the wrong things that happened to you, and knowing that these things were wrong or that "you did not deserve it", then you decide to not hold any hard feelings or bitterness against that person who did it to you, and still love the person and accepting that the person can go to heaven if they repent. It is giving that person a clean slate even though you know that they wronged you. It doesn't mean that you have to go back to that person and set yourself up to be hurt again, or to trust that person. It means that you hold no grudges against that person. Forgiveness is the only way that you can heal from the hurt that a person put you through.
Matt 6:14-15
14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
NKJV
No one person can sin against us as many times as we have sinned against God. God forgave us of all of our sins by dying on the cross and taking on more pain than we ever have, so we should fogive those who hurt us as God forgave us. That is the only way we can heal from our hurts, then understand that God will work all things that we have been through for our good.
When you have forgiven your abuser and let go of the bitterness, your emotional wound will be healed. You may be tempted to take back the bitterness and unforgive the abuser, this may occur often especially immediately after forgiving the abuser. If this occurs, take those thoughts captive, constantly remind yourself what Jesus did to forgive you and remind yourself that you have forgiven the abuser. If you take back the bitterness, then you will reopen the wound that was already healed, and you will have to heal all over again. The more you take those thoughts captive and remind yourself that you have forgiven the abuser and let go of the bitterness, the weaker and weaker the temptation gets, and your healing will be stronger.
By Rodney Calmes
Do Not Be Afraid to Share What Happened to You, Do Not Be Ashamed, Do Not Let Your Family Deny What Happened or Intimidate You
Many times when we talk about abuse, we often find that our families like to deny the abuse, especially if the abuse took place in our families. They may deny the abuse and try to convince you to believe that it never happened, they may call you a liar, and ridicule you for it. Many times they do not want to accept the sins that were committed against you, and they do not want to accept responsibility for it. The ones that realize the abuse took place, may admit it, but then it creates a war between the ones who admitted it and the ones that denied it. Time may pass by since you have shared the abuse you went through and they may not talk about it anymore, but they may hold you as a target and find other faults against you for every little insignificant thing. They may hold grudges against you. If you have experienced any of this, do not allow your family to persuade your beliefs of what happened to you. What happened to you is what happened to you, do not let them let you believe that it never happened. Do not let them intimidate you. They may alienate you, or make you feel that there is something wrong with you, or that you are the only one who has come up with how you have been treated. Do not let that intimidate you either. You know what happened to you, they do not want to accept it, and you are not nuts because of what they say, there is nothing wrong with you, but they are the ones who have a problem. Stay strong and hang in there. If you have experienced this, we are here to support you.
Facing the truth of your abuse is very difficult, but very necessary. Accepting it, not being ashamed of it, and knowing that it was not your fault of the choices others have made to do mean things to you, then knowing that you are no less of a person because of what someone else did to you. Understand that you did not deserve the abuse and it was not right for someone to abuse you. The main key to healing from abuse after you realized these things is to forgive the abuser. Forgiveness is the main tool needed for healing, without it, you cannot heal. Also remember, God will work all things for good when you see Romans 8:28 as a reference to this. Having faith and trusting in God to do this very thing is the last step in healing, and you will find out how God can use you from what you been through, and that will become a great joy and blessing.
Never be afraid to speak up, or share your story. You may think that you are making the abuser look bad, but they have already made themselves look bad by the things they did to you. The reputation they get is one they deserve. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It is not your fault on how someone else treated you. You will not ruin your reputation for it. The abusers deserve the reputation they have already earned for themselves. Speaking up can save lives and bring awareness so others do not get hurt by them.
By Rodney Calmes
Facing the truth of your abuse is very difficult, but very necessary. Accepting it, not being ashamed of it, and knowing that it was not your fault of the choices others have made to do mean things to you, then knowing that you are no less of a person because of what someone else did to you. Understand that you did not deserve the abuse and it was not right for someone to abuse you. The main key to healing from abuse after you realized these things is to forgive the abuser. Forgiveness is the main tool needed for healing, without it, you cannot heal. Also remember, God will work all things for good when you see Romans 8:28 as a reference to this. Having faith and trusting in God to do this very thing is the last step in healing, and you will find out how God can use you from what you been through, and that will become a great joy and blessing.
Never be afraid to speak up, or share your story. You may think that you are making the abuser look bad, but they have already made themselves look bad by the things they did to you. The reputation they get is one they deserve. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It is not your fault on how someone else treated you. You will not ruin your reputation for it. The abusers deserve the reputation they have already earned for themselves. Speaking up can save lives and bring awareness so others do not get hurt by them.
By Rodney Calmes
How a Family Should Be Structured According To The Bible, What is Spouse Abuse? The Bible is Sufficient For All of Our Answers
Eph 5:22-33
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
NKJV
Even though the Bible tells the wives to submit to the husbands, the husbands have a greater responsibilities to their families. The husband must love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. The husband in this case would put his wife and children ahead of him, he would make sure they are taken care of before he himself is taken care of. He will give up his own wants for the wants of his wife and children. He will look after their overall welfare and put that above his own. He will do what is best for them as a spiritual leader to promote Christian growth for them. He will lead them to follow God's Word and if a wife submits to him, she would find out that it was more beneficial for her. It is unfortunate that many husbands do not follow that guideline and thus he hurts his whole family that way.
Spouse abuse: Anything you do to your spouse without their consent is abuse - that includes name calling, hitting, sexual activities, forcing them do do things they do not want to do, humiliating them, degrading them, slandering them, making them look bad, ruining their reputation, threatening them, controlling them, hurting them either physically or emotionally, endangering them, etc. Anything you do with a mutual consent is ok. Consent is that both people are ok with it and no one is uncomfortable. If you want something that your spouse is uncomfortable with, don't try to talk them into it, let them initiate it if they feel like it later on. They will know what you want, and never make them uncomfortable, when they initiate the action, that means they are ok with it at the time. Always communicate with each other at an off time so that when an "on time" comes both of you will know what each other wants or how each other feels. Making your spouse uncomfortable is abuse. Not considering your spouse's feelings is abuse.
2 Tim 3:16-17
16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
NKJV
The Bible is all we need for all things in life. The Bible teaches us how to live our lives, how to bring up children, and gives us guidelines as to what is abuse and not abuse. If you study the Bible closely, you will find that the Bible does not promote abuse. The Bible uses methods of discipline on children that does not cause harm to them if you research the origional Hebrew and Greek root words. Anything that causes harm to a child is abuse.
By Rodney Calmes
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
NKJV
Even though the Bible tells the wives to submit to the husbands, the husbands have a greater responsibilities to their families. The husband must love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. The husband in this case would put his wife and children ahead of him, he would make sure they are taken care of before he himself is taken care of. He will give up his own wants for the wants of his wife and children. He will look after their overall welfare and put that above his own. He will do what is best for them as a spiritual leader to promote Christian growth for them. He will lead them to follow God's Word and if a wife submits to him, she would find out that it was more beneficial for her. It is unfortunate that many husbands do not follow that guideline and thus he hurts his whole family that way.
Spouse abuse: Anything you do to your spouse without their consent is abuse - that includes name calling, hitting, sexual activities, forcing them do do things they do not want to do, humiliating them, degrading them, slandering them, making them look bad, ruining their reputation, threatening them, controlling them, hurting them either physically or emotionally, endangering them, etc. Anything you do with a mutual consent is ok. Consent is that both people are ok with it and no one is uncomfortable. If you want something that your spouse is uncomfortable with, don't try to talk them into it, let them initiate it if they feel like it later on. They will know what you want, and never make them uncomfortable, when they initiate the action, that means they are ok with it at the time. Always communicate with each other at an off time so that when an "on time" comes both of you will know what each other wants or how each other feels. Making your spouse uncomfortable is abuse. Not considering your spouse's feelings is abuse.
2 Tim 3:16-17
16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
NKJV
The Bible is all we need for all things in life. The Bible teaches us how to live our lives, how to bring up children, and gives us guidelines as to what is abuse and not abuse. If you study the Bible closely, you will find that the Bible does not promote abuse. The Bible uses methods of discipline on children that does not cause harm to them if you research the origional Hebrew and Greek root words. Anything that causes harm to a child is abuse.
By Rodney Calmes