What is Discipline, What is Abuse?

Eph 6:1-4 6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: 3 "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. NKJV

Children should obey their parents. Parents should train, teach and instruct their children. Discipline may not be pleasant, but when a child is disciplined, it should not be done in anger, but the child should be reassured that they are loved and instructed as to what they did wrong along with how they could have done it right.

Abusing a child or taking anger out on them can lead a child to be discouraged.
God's Word gives us guidelines to discipline children, anything that goes beyond what God's Word says is abuse. Example, using large sticks or paddles, giving many strokes, using words that cut them down, belittling them, humiliating them, taking your anger out on them, etc. God's word tells us to teach them and instruct them, love them, build them up with constructive criticism, let them know that you love them after the discipline is done. Discipline is necessary to teach a child and should be used. Discipline gets the childs attention but it does not cause harm to that child. Discipline may be unpleasant, but it is not torture, and you look after the good of the child, not taking your frustrations out on them.

Prov 23:13-14 13 Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. And deliver his soul from hell. 
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Prov 29:15 15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
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Prov 26:3 3 A whip for the horse, A bridle for the donkey, And a rod for the fool's back. 
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Luke 12:47-48 47 And that servant who knew his master's will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. 48 But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few.
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Eph 6:4 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. 
NKJV

Col 3:21 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 
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When we look at all the scriptures above and combine them together, because the Bible does not contradict itself, we see how we should discipline our children. If you study the Hebrew root words on each of the old testament verses and the Greek root words in the New testament, we see that the Bible does not promote abuse. We are not to take anger out on our children, but we are to teach them. Children do not know their master’s will, so when we discipline them, we do so in a gentle manner. The rod in its original Hebrew is not a large stick or paddle. The rod is not a whip or a belt, and it is not an open hand, it is a fresh shoot off a branch. The rod has symbolic and literal definitions.  Some kids can be spanked all day and it does nothing for them.   When we do a Hebrew study on “back” in Prov. 26:3, the original word was the back while a person, not their butt.  Hitting the butt can cause involuntary sexual stimulation even in small children, which the Bible does not promote.  Anything that causes harm or sexual stimulation is abuse.   Children need consequences when they willfully do wrong. They need to be reassured that they are still loved, we are to explain to them what they have done, and how they could have done things right. This discipline should be consistent.  Set guidelines and follow them closely - do not go beyond the guidelines. Not being consistent will not teach them anything. When we teach our children, we are to give constructive instruction in a voice that is well controlled, not screaming at them, we are not to use negative phrases like “What in the hell is the matter with you?” or any other type of destructive criticisms. Do not swear at them or use swear words in your language. These things will tear a child down and discourage them. We are only to tell them the thing they did wrong, and how it could have been done correctly, and tell them that you love them, and hug them after it is over. Never call them names like “stupid”, “dumb”, “rotten”, or any swear words, etc. Calling them names and destructive criticism is abuse. Never use sarcasm like “Nice Job!” when it was meant to tell them what a horrible job they did. If they did a horrible job, don’t even tell them “horrible job”, teach them how they could have done it right. Avoid as much as possible to use public discipline on the child - that is humiliating. Making them expose their bare buttocks to get a spanking is also humiliating and is sexual abuse - this should not be practiced. Exposing their buttocks in public is even much more humiliating. Nothing was mentioned in the Bible to do that.  Humiliating a child is abuse.


The point behind this is to prove that the Bible does not promote abuse.  I have shown that even the Bible will show that any punishment that causes physical harm or cause sexual reactions is abuse. Under no condition should a child be harmed. I will not condone causing physical harm to anyone or any animal.

Rodney Calmes