Why We Self Harm

Why We Self Harm

Statistics show that approximately 1/4 of the people have at some point engaged in Self Harm.  Why do people hurt themselves?

Here are some reasons:

1.  "I deserve to be hurt!" - when we have faced abuse, bullying or other forms of trauma, the residing pain can be overwhelming.  Convincing ourselves that we deserve it can help us ease that overwhelming pain at the time.  This often leads us to hurting ourselves to confirm that.

2.  Hurting ourselves is our way of justifying the hurts that were inflicted on us.  Justifying those hurts makes us feel better about what happened to us.

3.  We are familiar with hurt, it doesn't seem right when we are not hurt, so we do it to ourselves.

4.  Makes us feel better, the release of endorphins elevates us, and relieves stress, and helps us feel like we are on top of the world.  These endorphins can be more addicting than Crack Cocaine.  We became addicted to a drug that our own bodies generated from hurting ourselves.

5.  We are unwilling to face the pain inside of us, so we hurt ourselves to try to hide from it. 

The following are NOT conclusive reasons people hurt themselves.

1.  Even though "Legion" who were many demons that possessed a man and caused him to cut himself with stones, we cannot conclude that a person who hurts themselves are demon possessed.  The account of Legion is in Mark 5.

2.  They are not Christians and are living in sin. 
Matt 7:1-2 - "Judge not, that you be not judged.  For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.".  We cannot judge others.  We ought to walk in their shoes first before we judge them.

3.  They are doing it because they want to live in sin.  Anyone who doesn't want to help the person can come up with a reason like this.  Before we draw conclusions like this, we ought to look into what happened to the person.  Love them, support them, and minister to them with the love of Christ.

Do's and Don't's

1.  Don't say "What is wrong with you?", or shame them in any way.  Instead ask "Can you tell me what happened to you?"

2.  Don't alienate them or kick them out of the church/family or punish them.  Instead, listen to them.  Listen to their body language.  Love them, support them, and pray for them.  Let them know that they are loved. 

3.  Get them to talk about the pain they are dealing with. Ask them what is happening.  Let them know that you are there for them. 

4.  Don't say "Get over it!", this only discourages them to talk, and makes them feel belittled inside, it will also discourage further communication and cause them to withdraw. Instead, encourage them to talk more, it can help them process what happened so they can accept it, forgive, and can help then cope, and adjust to it, and can help them give that burden to God.  This is where healing can begin.

5.  Don't threaten them, but provide a non-threatening environment so that they can feel safe.  The safer they feel, the more communication you can get from them, and the more effective your ministry can be to them.  Allow them to unload their burdens.  Listening to them can go a long way with that.

The more you promote them to talk, the more you can learn from them, the more you learn, the more equipped you will be to minister to them. Pray for them.  Share Jesus' love with them. Be an example of Jesus' love for them. 

Be patient with them.  Traumatic events can take time to process just like deep wounds take time to heal.  Give them the time they need with lots of love and support.  Be patient with them and comfort them. 

James 1:19 - "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;"

Galatians 6:2 - "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

1 Thessalonians 5:14 - "Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all."

Too many times, people who call themselves "Pastors" have hurt these people further rather than helping them.

I hope by sharing this, that we can work together to provide a more supportive and healing environment for those who are hurting rather than hurting them further.

Rodney Calmes