Never Let Anyone Shut You Up

Never Let Anyone Shut You Up

Many times we face family,  organizations,  friends,  relatives and other people who try to keep us silent.  We share what happened and our families try to convince us that it never happened.   They try to convince us that we are delusional.   They get to know others in our churches and organizations we belong to and convince many of those people that we are liars.   We share about what happened and people tell us that they don't want to hear about it.   People isolated us and no one believes us.  We get accused of lying. 

When we face things like what was stated in the above paragraph,  we feel that we have come face to face with Satan himself.   We become discouraged.   Toxicity has spread to everyone around us and everyone believes their lies.  We end up being revictimized.   This type of abuse is worse than the abuse we originally faced.  Sometimes we feel we have to relocate.   They are so convincing that we start to doubt ourselves.  We feel alone and isolated.   We feel like we are in the Twilight Zone.  

I myself have faced these things.   If I didn't have a pastor who understood things like that,  I would have been kicked out of my church.   My pastor was always on my side.  He prayed for me and was very supportive of me.  I can thank God that I had someone like him.

Never let anyone get you to doubt what happened to you.   Never let anyone silence you.   You know what happened and never let anyone doubt that.   Keep speaking up and allow the world to see the ugliness of abuse. 

Your story will save lives.  Your story brings awareness and may save other people from being abused.   Your story can change the lives of many.   You are not alone.   Your story will also show others that they are not alone.  Don't be silenced.   Never let anyone silence you.   Those who try to silence you are doing a great evil.  They don't love you.   It is best to get around people who love you,  not those who try to destroy you.  You can make a difference by speaking up!

God sees what is going on.   All of their deeds will be exposed.   No one escapes God.  So SPEAK UP!

Rodney Calmes

There Are Things That Are A Part Of Us That May Not Have Been If We Were Never Abused. Accepting Ourselves And Coping With These Are Very Important

There Are Things That Are A Part Of Us That May Not Have Been If We Were Never Abused.  Accepting Ourselves And Coping With These Are Very Important

There are many things that people deal with as a result of abuse.   They may include one or more of the following:  PTSD, depression,  sadomasochism,  anxiety,  OCD, and many other things.   Some things can be changed over time.

   We may find ourselves dealing less with depression and anxiety as we are able to help others who have been through what we have and trusting in God to heal us.  We may also find that PTSD will not change.   We may see someone else being abused and in my case, I would have uncontrollable shaking and would be unable to speak especially if the abuse is the same type I have faced.   Sadomasochism or my desires to get spanked will never change which has been triggered by a severe spanking I took as a child.  

We may not have had some of these things in our lives if we have never been abused.   Some of these things we will have to accept that they will not change.   We have to learn to accept them as a part of us and not be ashamed of it.  Being ashamed of it will only cause us more harm and increase anxiety.  

God may have allowed these things to be a part of us because He has a purpose for that.   I can testify that had I not had spanking desires,  I would have been more judgmental of people.   I would have been legalistic.   I would not have trusted the Bible for my values,  but instead I would have trusted what people considered "normal".  I would have also judged people's differences rather than accept them.  Trust me, I have plead with God to take that away from me but He had better plans and as a result He made me a better person.

Had I not had PTSD, I would not have taken abuse seriously and would have blown it off like a lot of people do.   I would not have cared.  I would never have learn how to cope with it.  PTSD never disappears, but with time and trust in God,  we can learn to cope with it.   Flashbacks is a part of PTSD.   God has helped me by showing me how people's lives were blessed because of what I went through.  God showed me how to think about the lives saved from suicide because of what I went through when I encounter flashbacks.   God showed me how to cope with flashbacks so I can show others. 

Through all this,  God has taught me to accept myself and all parts of me.  God forgives the sin and He helps us to repent and change from our sins.   God has also taught me to accept every part of me that is not sinful.   God has also taught me to accept other people and their differences as well.  (If a person has sin issues, we ought to gently restore them with love and show them their sin.  If those differences are not sin issues, we as Christians ought to openly accept them.) 

I can now say that I am blessed by having gone through the things I have.   I can now say that I am blessed because of the things I deal with as a result of the abuse I went through.  All these things have taught me to accept myself and others with differences and all.  I am blessed because of that.    If you trust God,  you will also be blessed.   I will pray for every one of you. 

Rodney Calmes

Those Who Abuse People Sin Against God And That Person

Those Who Abuse People Sin Against God And That Person

There were many things done to children.   I was spanked with hardwood sticks on my bare butt as a child.   I also experienced getting my ear lobe twisted and pulled, I experienced face slapping,  and swatted in the head.  I also got hit on my hands with a hardwood stick.  I can recall only twice getting hit in the head.  I also can recall many slaps in the face.  Others have been dragged by their hair.   All of these were common punishments.  All of these were sins committed against God and sins committed against those who received these things. 

Many of these punishments were done by parents, grandparents,  teachers, principals, Catholic nuns, etc.  Many times people claim that they are biblical and did it in the name of Jesus.   Those who have done this has sinned in the name of Jesus.   They sinned against you,  they sinned against me, they sinned against others they did these things to and they sinned against God in the name of Jesus.  That is hideous and detestable to God.

No where in the Bible does it ever say to hit anyone in the head.  No where in the Bible does it say to slap anyone in the face.  No where in the Bible does it say to twist and pull anyone's ear.  No where in the Bible does it say to hit anyone in the hands.  No where in the Bible does it say to pull anyone's hair.  All these things can cause serious health problems and lifetime disabilities or even death.   That is hideous to God and that is hideous to those who received these things. 

The Bible does talk about spankings and in the Hebrew it is very clear that the only place to hit is the buttocks only. 

Proverbs 10:13b - but the rod is for the back of him who is void of understanding.

The Hebrew word is the mid section of a person's back.  When a person is standing,  it is the buttocks.   This is very clear.   Hitting anyone anywhere else is a sin.

Proverbs 13:24 - He who spares his rod hates his son; but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. 

The rod in Hebrew is a fresh shoot or twig.  Very flexible and has give.  This is very different than the rod in English.   The original Hebrew is the true meaning of scripture.  These twigs will sting but they will not damage tissues.   Hard objects will damage tissues. 

Using belts, whips, hard sticks,  paddles, and even open hands will damage tissues.   No where in the Bible does it say to use any of these things on children.   Anyone who causes tissue damage or bruising to a child has sinned against the child and sinned against God.   Those who claim that the Bible says to do it sins in the name of Jesus. 

The use of many strokes at one time on a child is also a sin.  See Luke 12:47-48

The use of fresh twigs or equivalent that does not damage tissues with only a few strokes on a child is not a sin.  That is considered discipline. 

Discipline should only be done if there is willful disobedience.   Not for every little thing.   When the child knows that they did wrong then they get disciplined.  Punishing a child for something that they did not know is a sin against the child and a sin against God and discourages a child. 

Discipline without instruction is a sin against the child and a sin against God.  That only discourages a child.   

Taking anger out on children is a hideous sin against the child and a hideous sin against God. 

Colossians 3:21 - Fathers do not provoke your children to anger lest they become discouraged.

Many people have violated the scriptures and have done hideous things to children and committed hideous sins against the child and against God.   Many of them are hierarchy in the church including the Catholic nuns and priests who have done these hideous things in the name of Jesus.   Many parents followed suit and each one of them will be accountable to God for treating His children like that.

If you have experienced these things,  know that God saw that.  God sees every tear and God can heal you.   It is not your fault that others sinned against you and no matter who did these things to you whether a parent or a church leader, it does not represent God.   I will pray for you because hideous things done to us creates many emotional and mental scars.  Some of us have even physical scars or health issues as well.  God will deal with those who abused us.

Rodney Calmes

The Dangers Of Over Spanking

The Dangers Of Spanking

This condition is very common among BDSM, but it is not limited to the BDSM realm.  This also happens when children are over spanked with sticks and paddles especially if they are spanked daily and their butts don't have a chance to heal from their last spanking and this keeps going on for a period of time.  It is nicknamed "Leather Butt Syndrome".

What happens when a person gets "Leather Butt Syndrome", is that the sting from getting spanked greatly decreases even to the point where getting spanked with a stick will not produce a sting.   The bruising will not show except one the outer edges that have not been spanked as much.  There is a permanent tannish reddish color on the area of the butt that took a lot of spankings.  The skin becomes tough. The spankings become ineffective because of creating this condition.   For the parents who were trying to teach their children by over spanking them, it becomes very ineffective when this condition developes and they defeated their purpose. 

A person does not have to be spanked for years in order for "Leather Butt Syndrome" to develop.   This can happen in less than a year of continuous repeated over spanking.  The effects are irreversible.  Even if a person does not get spanked for 5 years after,  they will not get the sting that they once got from spanking.  In my experience,  I got hit on my butt with a hardwood stick and the stick shattered and I still got no sting from it.  This happened a while ago. 

Children who developed this condition usually were over spanked and had "bad cops" for caretakers.  When you combine "bad cops" with over spanking,  this is what happens.  Also there is much emotional problems that develop from that when children are over spanked. 

This condition is more common among adult consentual spankings or BDSM.

This is why it is important to read and study the Bible and research the original meaning by looking at the original Hebrew and Greek root words and following the Bible closely when it comes to correcting kids.  Many times spankings can do absolutely nothing for the child.

In the BDSM realm, it is a good idea to use the safe word when your butt gets numb.  If you keep getting spanked after your butt is numbed, you will accelerate this condition.   Also allow your butt to heal in between spankings. 

Rodney Calmes

Those Who Do Not Repent Will Be Condemned

Those Who Do Not Repent Will Be Condemned

Many of us have been abused by someone in our family.   Abusers do not want to admit to abusing us.  They don't want to accept the damage they have done to us.  They will in turn further abuse us by trying to convince us that the abuse never happened.  They will gather up other family members to side with them.   They isolate us and make us feel like we are crazy.  They are very convincing and try to convince us that our memories are inaccurate.   They get us to doubt ourselves.   This is very hideous in the sight of God. 

Many abusers claim to be Christians.   They think they are going to heaven.  Going to heaven involves accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and REPENTANCE.   Denying sin is not repentance.   Repentance involves accepting the sin and acceping the damage that the sin has caused.  It involves confessing that sin to God and the person they sinned against when possible.   Trying to justify sin, trying to blame us for their sin or trying to make it sound like it was not a big deal is NOT REPENTANCE. 

Every person will stand before God and the truth will be revealed.   No one can fool God.  Those who have not repented will stand condemned.

Luke 13:5 - unless you repent you will all likewise perish.

1 John 1:8-9 - If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  9 If we confess our sins,  He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness.

Those who confess their sins to God and those they sinned against and turn from them and accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior will be forgiven of all sin and will be in Heaven.

Rodney Calmes

How You Were Treated Has No Reflection Of Who You Are.

How You Were Treated Has No Reflection Of Who You Are. 

You may have been beaten and the abuser blames you.   You may have been called names and the abuser says it is your fault.   The abuser takes his/her anger out on you and the abuser says that you caused it.  The abuser belittles you in front of people and says that it is you.

None of those things has any reflection of you.  It has nothing to do with who you are.   What they did to you has everything to do with who they are.  It is those who treated you like that who are low.  They reveal who they are by how they treat you.   God sees it all and nothing escapes Him. 

What they did to you,  they also did to God.  See Matt. 25:31-46. 

Here are things that have a reflection of who you are:

1.  The love and kindness you show people.

2.  How you care for people.

3.  How compassionate you are towards others.

4.  How you treat people. 

5.  Are you there for people when they need you?

These are all things that have a reflection of who you are.   When you love people,  treat them with kindness and compassion,  when you are there when someone needs you,  it proves you to be a great person.  What you do to others,  you do to God.

I love all of you and I will pray for you.  

Rodney Calmes

You Don't Have To Be "Normal"

You Don't Have To Be "Normal"

Have you ever tried to be normal?   Do you have differences that doesn't seem normal?   Do you find yourself trying to change because you are not like other people? 

I have struggled with that for years.   I have a lot of things about me that is different.   Some of those things came from my childhood environment,  many of those things are just the way God created me.   Some were choices I have made good or bad. 

I was told that I had something wrong with me.   I was bullied throughout my childhood.  I knew that I was not like everyone else.  I tried to be like everyone else because I was ashamed of who I was.  I could not be myself when I tried to be "normal".  For years I tried to be someone I was not.   I made being "normal" my priority and that lead me in the wrong direction. 

Romans 12:2  "be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove that what is good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

By this,  I have learned that it is ok to be different and it is ok to not be normal.  I can be myself,  the person God created me to be.

You don't have to try to be normal.   You don't have to try to be like everyone else.   Be yourself,  be the person God created you to be.   It is ok to be different.  Change things that are sinful.   Change things that hurt other people.   If what you are doing is not sinful or hurtful to others,  embrace in it.  

The main thing is to love God and to love people and treat them with kindness,  compassion and grace.  Treating people with love,  kindness,  compassion and grace is by far more important than being normal.   How you treat other people shows who you are. 

I am not normal and I like it that way.   Be the person God created you to be no matter how different it is.   Love and kindness is far greater than normal.

Rodney Calmes

You Are Not "Damaged Goods"

You Are Not "Damaged Goods"

Many times our society looks at us as survivors of abuse,  bullying, rape or molestation as "damaged goods".  I am going to tell you reasons why we as survivors are not "damaged goods".

The abuse we faced May have had bad effects on us.  We may have suffered depression, anxiety,  PTSD, and other complications.  We may have suffered deep wounds that we may not see any chance of healing.  I myself can testify that there is hope.  I have survived,  I may not be perfect,  but I can testify that I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through that myself. 

Most of us have survived abuse and have decided to break the cycle.  That in itself says a lot about you.   Our compassion for others who face pain has grown,  we would not have had that compassion otherwise.  There are going to be people's lives changed because we had the compassion on them and cared to be there for them when they were in pain, that act of kindness may save their lives.  I can testify that it happened to me.  One act of kindness means a lot to someone,  especially those who have been hurt.  We have become better people.  You are a better person.

You are not "damaged goods".  You have survived,  and grown as a person. When you trust God,  He will heal you,  and will cause you to accomplish the greatest things because of what you have survived.  You will find out that you would never have been able to accomplish those things had you not survived it yourself.  What Satan tries to damage, God makes whole. 

Don't give up.  Don't look at yourself as "damaged goods" but look at yourself as a survivor and know that you will thrive through Christ who has died for us and has risen and renews us. 

Rodney Calmes

Love Is The Greatest Thing Of All

Love Is The Greatest Thing Of All

Many of us have been treated poorly, we were told that we were stupid,  we were told that we were worthless,  we have been belittled,  and we had people be mean to us.  Those people made us believe that we were stupid and worthless.   They made us believe that it was our fault.   Later on,  they deny ever treating us like that and they further abuse us.

We may have felt that those who abused us were smarter than us, or they had a better appearance than us.  They appear to be greater than we are.   I have something to tell you about that.

Those people who abused us lack love.  When you chose not to treat others the way you were treated,  it took love to make that change.  When you had compassion on other people who went through what you did,  that took love.  God has given each of you a measure of wisdom that He saw fit and what is sufficient for you.  God has loved you even when those who abused you didn't.  God loved you enough to die on a cross for you.   God created you in His image.  You are precious.   God has created you with the ability to love.

When you have shown love by not treating others the way you were treated, or had compassion on those who have been treated like you have,  it shows that you have the greatest thing a person can have and that is love.   Love accomplishes greater things than rocket science.   Love gives you more beauty than appearance.  Love conquers evil.  Your love and compassion shows what kind of person you are.   People like you who have love and compassion toward others shows you to be greater than the ones who mistreated you because you have something that they don't,  you have love.  

God will use people like you to accomplish great things and those things get accomplished through love, kindness and compassion.  

Your love and kindness toward others is what makes you beautiful people.   Never forget that.

see 1 Corinthians 13

I am praying for every one of you.

Rodney Calmes

How To Hide Your Internet Accounts With Using Your Legal Name

How To Hide Your Internet Accounts With Using Your Legal Name

In a lot of cases when you have stalkers, you will have to close down all your old accounts and open new ones.

It is illegal to open any kind of internet accounts using a false name.  Legally that is considered falsifying information.  You must register all accounts using your real name.  You can use nick names as user names.  This can cause problems for those who are being stalked by abusers.

The ways out:  Most of you have a middle name and there is nothing illegal about using initials or abbreviating names.  For example, let's assume your name was Thomas George Torino, you can use T George Tor as an abbreviation to your name to start an account.  Another way to hide from google searches,  you can use Th0m@s G€0rg€ T0r1n0.  It still represents your name,  but using characters that look close to letters in your name can help hide yourself from stalkers.

After opening your accounts,  do what you can to block your stalkers.

There is nothing 100% fool proof, but using techniques like this can greatly help.

If any of you are dealing with stalkers, I will pray for you.

Good luck with this!

Rodney Calmes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

Mistakes are something all of us have made.  Some of the mistakes we have made are sins, some of them are not.  We are all human and we all make mistakes.   No one is perfect and we can never be expected to be perfect.

Many times abusers will expect us to be perfect.  When we make a mistake,  they are like bad cops and they will abuse us for it.   They belittle us for making a mistake,  they may beat us for it and they have a way to make us feel inadequate and worthless for it.

We find ourselves walking on egg shells and being afraid to make a mistake.  When we make a mistake, we tremble in fear.  Based on how we were treated, we condition ourselves to think we are worthless and inadequate because of our mistakes.   We look at every mistake we make and we end up belittling ourselves for it.   We have a hard time forgiving ourselves because our abusers never forgave us and continued to harp on us for our mistakes.  We convince ourselves that the abuse was right for us.

We forget that Jesus has died on a cross for our sins and mistakes and He sees us as spotless and without blemish.   He has forgiven our mistakes.   We are seen as perfect in the eyes of God because of what Jesus has done for us.  I am not my mistakes.   You are not your mistakes.

Our mistakes is not something to get down on ourselves for.  Our mistakes do not make us worthless or inadequate.  Our mistakes do not define us as to who we are.  Our mistakes serve as a tool for us to learn and they become stepping stones as we continually grow as people.  We have to continually train ourselves to think this way. We need to take our mistakes as lessons learned and turn from them and LEAVE OUR MISTAKES BEHIND,  THEY ARE NOT A PART OF US.   If you have to repeatedly tell yourself this, do it.  Forgive yourself because God has already forgiven you.

We need to get out of the train of thought that our mistakes make us worthless and inadequate.  We need to get out of the train of thought that abuse is right for us because of a mistake we make.   We need to train ourselves to see our mistakes as lessons learned and stepping stones as we grow.  

Most important of all, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND LEAVE YOUR MISTAKES BEHIND. 

Rodney Calmes

Scars From Abuse Appear To Be Very Ugly, But In The End They Become A Beautiful Thing

Scars From Abuse Appear To Be Very Ugly,  But In The End They Become A Beautiful Thing

Many of us carry physical scars and emotional scars from abuse.  Those scars can be from the abuse itself,  some physical scars can come from self harm or other things that we get involved with which may have been a complication of abuse. 

We may see our scars and it reminds us of the horrible abuse we went through.  Every day we see them in the mirror and many tears have been shed.  We look at them and say that they are horrible.  We ask God to help us.  We carry deep pain. 
I will tell you that someday, those scars will remind you of the great things you have done in the lives of others if you trust God that He would work out those things for good.  God will cause you to do great things.  You will look at those scars and those scars will show you the compassion you have had on other people because of the abuse you went through.  Those scars will show you how many people you have helped.   Without those scars,  you would not have been able to help those people.  Those scars will remind you of the great things you have done and you will say "they are beautiful".

I can tell you for myself that I have accumulated physical scars from abuse and the complications of abuse.  I used to look at them and it created horrible memories for me.  I can now look at them in a mirror and they remind me of the 4 lives that were saved from suicide.  My scars remind me of the people I have helped.   They remind me of those who were helped that I don't know about,  now I can say that they are beautiful.  

Never give up hope.  Never think that you are ugly because of those scars.  You are beautiful people,  scars and all.

Rodney Calmes

Look How Far You Have Come

Look How Far You Have Come

Many of you have been told that you are worthless and that you will never amount to anything,  or you may have been treated that way. You may feel that you will never accomplish anything,  I am now going to show you that these things are all lies. 

I am going to tell you what you have accomplished.   You may have been brought up with bad parents who taught you abuse or you may have been neglected.  You may have been abused by a spouse.  You survived that!  That itself is a major accomplishment.   You have acknowledged what happened to you,  that is a major accomplishment.  You would not be on this page or in this group if you were still in denial. 

Most of you know that the abuse that happened to you is wrong,  that is a major accomplishment.  You are making a choice not to abuse other people.  You are making steps to become a better parent for your children,  from where you came from,  that itself is a great accomplishment. 

You people are making great steps forward.  Think about the compassion you have for people because you don't want someone else to get hurt like you have,  that compassion has grown you as a person.  You have developed a love and kindness toward people.  Anytime you show love and kindness toward someone,  you changed a life, think of that as an accomplishment.

You don't know how many lives will be changed or even saved because of people like you.  Keep this in mind. 

When you see the scars on your body from abuse,  remind yourself what you have accomplished and when you see lives changed, remind yourself that those scars changed people's lives.  Remind yourself that lives can be saved because of your scars.  Don't be ashamed of them, it is a symbol of the great accomplishments you have made and the accomplishments you will make in the future. 

You are more important than you think.  You are more significant than you think and you have accomplished much more than you think.

Rodney Calmes 

What To Do When We Encounter Triggers And Flashbacks

What To Do When We Encounter Triggers And Flaskbacks

Whenever we go through a traumatic event in our lives,  memory triggers and flashbacks occur.  Sometimes it can be several times a day.  This is the devil's way of robbing us from our joy.

Whenever you have a memory trigger or a flashback,  take it to God in prayer.  Vent that to Him.  Many times He leads us to remind ourselves that we have forgiven our abusers or if we have not forgiven them,  He will help lead us to forgiveness.  He also leads us to remind ourselves of the other people we may have been there for or helped. God may show us that if we have not gone through it ourselves that we would not be able to understand what they are going through.  We would never have been able to help that other person.

You may not know this,  but people are being blessed because of people like you.  Once you see that,  it will always be helpful when you are faced with memory triggers and flashbacks.  Continue to remind yourself how compassionate you became because of what you went through.  Remind yourself that you are a great blessing to other people,  especially those who went through what you did.  You may not know how many lives you may have saved because of what you went through.  You made a big difference in someone's life whether you know it or not. 

I want you to know that people like you can accomplish great things that you would not be able to accomplish if you had not experienced what you have.  Remind yourself of that also.

I, myself still get hit with memory triggers and flashbacks and I can share as a testimony that when I get hit with memory triggers and flashbacks that reminding myself of the people who have been blessed and the 4 lives that were saved from suicide, it has turned these memory triggers and flashbacks from a curse into a blessing.

If any of you are struggling with memory triggers or flashbacks,  I will pray for you. 

Rodney Calmes

It Is Ok To Be Loved And Be Treated With Kindness

It Is Ok To Be Loved And Be Treated With Kindness

We may know intellectually that it is ok to be loved and treated with kindness.  Sometimes it is hard for us to accept because we are used to having people be mean to us.   Getting this in our hearts can be difficult.

Someone may show kindness and we shy away.  It feels awkward. No matter how strange and awkward it feels,  always know that it is ok to have someone be kind to you.  It is ok to be loved.  God created you to be loved.  God created you to be treated with kindness.  Those who failed to treat you with love and kindness has sinned against God. 

It is right for you to be loved.  It is right for you to be treated with kindness.  It is wrong for someone to be mean to you.  It is wrong for someone to not love you.  We may know this in our minds, but it takes time to train our hearts to accept this. 

Love and kindness is what you need.  No matter how awkward and strange it feels,  tell yourself that it is ok to accept love and kindness.  You need it. 

I pray for you and I will be praying for everyone who sees this message.

Rodney Calmes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

You Are Not Your Mistakes

Mistakes are something all of us have made.  Some of the mistakes we have made are sins, some of them are not.  We are all human and we all make mistakes.   No one is perfect and we can never be expected to be perfect.

Many times abusers will expect us to be perfect.  When we make a mistake,  they are like bad cops and they will abuse us for it.   They belittle us for making a mistake,  they may beat us for it and they have a way to make us feel inadequate and worthless for it.

We find ourselves walking on egg shells and being afraid to make a mistake.  When we make a mistake, we tremble in fear.  Based on how we were treated, we condition ourselves to think we are worthless and inadequate because of our mistakes.   We look at every mistake we make and we end up belittling ourselves for it.   We have a hard time forgiving ourselves because our abusers never forgave us and continued to harp on us for our mistakes.  We convince ourselves that the abuse was right for us.

We forget that Jesus has died on a cross for our sins and mistakes and He sees us as spotless and without blemish.   He has forgiven our mistakes.   We are seen as perfect in the eyes of God because of what Jesus has done for us.  I am not my mistakes.   You are not your mistakes.

Our mistakes is not something to get down on ourselves for.  Our mistakes do not make us worthless or inadequate.  Our mistakes do not define us as to who we are.  Our mistakes serve as a tool for us to learn and they become stepping stones as we continually grow as people.  We have to continually train ourselves to think this way. We need to take our mistakes as lessons learned and turn from them and LEAVE OUR MISTAKES BEHIND,  THEY ARE NOT A PART OF US.   If you have to repeatedly tell yourself this, do it.  Forgive yourself because God has already forgiven you.

We need to get out of the train of thought that our mistakes make us worthless and inadequate.  We need to get out of the train of thought that abuse is right for us because of a mistake we make.   We need to train ourselves to see our mistakes as lessons learned and stepping stones as we grow.  

Most important of all, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND LEAVE YOUR MISTAKES BEHIND. 

Rodney Calmes

What Happens When A Person Is Spanked Too Harshly Too Often

What Happens When A Person Is Spanked Too Harshly Too Often

I am now 42 years old.  This is a sample of what can happen when a person is spanked repeatedly with harsh objects.  This picture was taken after not getting spanked for a long time.  The whiter area of skin on the top right hand corner of the picture is the area that has not been spanked.  The darker area is the area that has been spanked with sticks repeatedly and often.  The darker area is very tough is very insensitive to pain and even very harsh spanking with not sting that area. The whiter area is very tender and sensitive to pain. 

This condition is permanent and irreversible.  It may only be a cosmetic thing. When people think that giving very harsh spankings to very young children think that they are going to teach them, that will only work for a while.  After getting enough spankings like that where a condition like this develops, that harsh spanking is not producing the sting that you are trying to use to teach them. 

This kind of condition is found on 2 types of people.  One are those who are involved with BDSM and the other are those who were spanked with large sticks or paddles as children where they were getting it for every knit picky little thing. 

This picture is a blurry picture and it was cropped just to be enough to show the skin samples for this illustration.  It was taken this morning 11/25/2013.  This does not happen with just one harsh spanking.  This happens with repeated harsh spankings over a period of time. 

Most people have not been spanked to this degree as children,  but there are some that have. 

Whenever a kid gets spanked with harsh instruments,  the softer tissues under the skin gets damaged and it heals into scar tissue which blocks off nerve endings and with enough times as more and more scar tissue builds up under the skin,  it will show through the skin.

This is why it is important to look for what is best for the child rather than just resorting to spanking.

What you see here are the physical effects of what abuse can do.  There is no way of posting a picture of the emotional and mental harm caused by abuse.

I hope that posting this that people who see what can happen to their children when they choose to abuse them.  If this prevents one child from being abused, it is well worth posting this.

Rodney Calmes

Must See This. This Is What Many People Who Are Being Abused Have To Face

http://vimeo.com/m/78178458

When Repeatedly Exposed To Pain, We Build Resistance To Pain And Further Damage Both Physically And Mentally

When Repeatedly Exposed To Pain , We Build Resistance To Pain And Further Damage Both Physically And Mentally

In my past posts,  I have talked about repeated over spanking causing a physical resistance to damage and pain.   This can get to a point where getting spanked with a stick does not hurt and no bruises show because of getting spanked so many times in the past,  our bodies built up our skin along with the nerve endings and soft tissue damage under the skin healing into scar tissue which is tough.  This is a part of our physical body's design that when it is going to be afflicted in one area regularly that it builds itself up to resist further damage.  Our emotions work the same way.

What we have been cut down, made fun of,  ridiculed,  and had mean things done to us repeatedly and often, we built mental calluses just like our physical bodies do and we eventually no longer feel the pain from the mean things done to us.  It can eventually lead us not to feel.  For a while I was called "Robot Rod" because I lost my ability to feel by the time I got to high school.   It was only God who restored my emotions. 

I can say from a personal experience that because of the frequency of spankings I took either at home or school,  things did not seem right when I stopped getting spanked,  so I would seek them out.  Not getting spanked seems like being in the Twilight Zone.  The same thing happens when so many have been mean to us and someone comes along and shows us love and kindness.

When so many people have been mean to us on a regular basis,  it gets to the point that the mean things don't have any effect on us any more.  When someone shows kindness,  we don't know how to take that.  It doesn't seem real and it is like being in the Twilight Zone.   We often feel like we are being hurt by the kindness and we think that it is the kindness.  It is not the kindness that hurts us, it is the hurts stored up from the mean things done to us that are starting to surface.  We start to cry and it becomes overwhelming to us so we run away from the kind person.  I myself have struggled with this.

There are many of you who may be struggling with this.  If you find yourself struggling with this,  I will pray for you.  Don't run away from kind people.  You were all created to be loved and treated with kindness.  It is only right for you.  As hard as it may be, embrace that kindness and the kind person may be giving you the opportunity to release those hurts.  Let them release. 

If you are that kind person and you find someone running from you,  understand what they are going through and continue to the best of your abilities to show kindness toward that person.  Your kindness and perseverance can change that person's life.   I, myself have run into people like that and I was like that myself.   Perseverance pays off.  Never give up on anyone,  you may have reached them when they need you the most. 

It is not right for anyone to not be loved.  I want to let you all know that you are loved.  If any of you need anything,  feel free to message me anytime.

Rodney Calmes

Our Past May Hit Us Several Times A Day, But Keep Looking Toward The Blessing We Have

Our Past May Hit Us Several Times A Day,  Keep Looking Toward The Blessing We Have

The deep wounds that were left on us take much time to heal.  One of the hardest steps is to forgive those who abused us,  bullied us,  or molested us.   From these things,  we carry much pain inside that must be released.  We have to work out forgiveness to those who wronged us.

The memories of our past hit us several times a day, but we cannot dwell on them, they will only hurt us more.   Keep looking forward.  If you have forgiven your abusers, remind yourself of that.  If you were able to change a life because of the abuse you went through,  remind yourself of that.  Changing people's lives is a blessing. 

You may not be the same person you were before you were abused, but you are a better person.  Remind yourself of that.  You may not know it, but you are a blessing to people.  Remind yourself of that. 

When you are reminded of your past, remind yourself that it has been nailed on the cross,  remind yourself that you forgave the abusers,  and remind yourself how many lives are blessed because of you.

God bless,
Rodney Calmes

"Bad Cops"

"Bad Cops"

"Bad cops" are referred to parents,  teachers, other forms of caretakers, bosses, or other forms of authorities who knit pick people.  

Having a bad cop does not benefit anyone, it does not promote behavior or performance.  It does the opposite.   Bad cops find little things that people do and punish them for it.   They expect people to read their minds and expect people to act according to what they think.   Every little thing that deviates from that,  a person gets punished. 

People under bad cops whether they are children or adults become discouraged.  They get punished and don't understand why.  It gets to a point where I am going to be punished anyway so I might as well do what I want.   We walk on egg shells when we are around these bad cops.  Their behavior destroys our confidence.   Their behavior makes us feel worthless.   Because we are walking on egg shells and we live in fear,  our performance drops in the event of a job situation.   We become fearful of our parents/caretakers and are afraid to even talk to them because of fear of making them mad or getting in their way.   We become fearful of asking teachers questions in fear of being punished for not getting it, thus our grades drop. 

The punishment we get from bad cops become ineffective because we have no escape from punishment.  We feel that we are going to get punished no matter what.   We feel that there is nothing we can do to avoid punishment.   We become resentful of these "bad cops". 

For those who were raised with "bad cops", it may be difficult at best to regain confidence.  For those who had "bad cops" for a boss, as soon as we move on to a better job environment,  our confidence comes back rather shortly.  We may also fear finding another job in fear that we would not make it.   For those who had "bad cops" for teachers,  we may lose confidence in school or academics and avoid schooling.  

We all run into "bad cops" somewhere down the line.  If you are struggling with this,  I will pray for you.

Always know that if we strive to please God rather than men,  God is well pleased with that.  

Rodney Calmes

An Art That Is Not Recognized

An Art That Is Not Recognized

Many people think that BDSM is always a sexual thing when 90 percent of the time it is not sexual.   It takes much creativity to set up the role playing,  create the settings,  and administer the punishment.  Spanking is a big part of this and spanking is not just giving swats on the butt,  it is done in a setting and being creative in acting out the disciplinarian's role in addressing a misbehavior that was done during the spanking.  It is an art to be able to do that in such a way to get the adrenaline flowing. 

Anyone can inflict pain on another person,  but it takes training to make that pain become a pleasurable experience.   That in itself is an art.  The marks left from spankings is an art as well. 

Art is highly respected and respectful.   BDSM shows a very high respect for the subs and the dommes.  It is not abuse because it is consentual.  BDSM also requires trust between all parties involved.   BDSM is a very beautiful thing to enjoy and embrace.

BDSM is an art that is just as valuable as any other form of art, but yet many people don't recognize that.  It is a very awesome experience.  You discover new things about yourself and you discover new beautiful things that can be embraced. BDSM is nothing to be ashamed of, it gives you the freedom to be yourself and to explore who you are. It also allows you to accept yourself and embrace every part of yourself. 

BDSM is an art and it is a freedom and it is very soothing to the soul.

Embrace who you are.  If you like BDSM,  embrace it,  don't be ashamed of it.

Rodney Calmes

  

Having Desires And Fascinations With Getting Spanked Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of

Having Desires And Fascinations With Getting Spanked Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of

You may have seen some people out in public making fun of that.  You may have struggled with feeling ashamed of having those desires in the past.  The public may have called it a disorder.  People may have said that it was unhealthy.  The fundamental Christians may have called it a sin.  All these things have been bombarded to us and because of that,  we feel ashamed because of it.  We try to hide that part of ourselves.  I myself have done that.  I have felt ashamed of who I am.  I tried to keep this part of me secret.  I asked God to take my desires and fascinations with getting spanked away from me.

I have studied the Bible very thoroughly and found nothing wrong with this.  I researched the laws and found nothing illegal.  Nothing gets done without consent.  For years it was called a disorder,  but now it is called an alternate lifestyle. 

For too long people have been shamed because of this for no reason.  For too long society has made people feel that there is something wrong with them because of this.  Where does the Bible call this a sin?  Where does it say in the laws that this is illegal?  Why are people being judged? Don't we have a right to be ourselves?  If this is not a sin and this is not illegal,  then why do people treat us like it is illegal or wrong?   When we look at Matthew 7, the Bible says judge not lest you be judged.  

Some of us has suffered needless anxiety because of how others judge us. I myself have felt that way.  I have tried to hide who I am because of fear of what others would think.  I have felt ashamed of who I am for no reason because of how people talk about those who like getting spanked.  God did not take those desires away for a reason.  God had a purpose for this.   To teach me not to judge others and accept others for their differences.  God taught me not to call anything a sin unless the Bible calls it a sin a and also to make a statement.  Through this,  God has also taught me to accept myself. 

When people call fascinations and desires to get spanked a "spanking fetish", that is putting a negative connotation on that.  When psychologists have called it a "psycho-sexual disorder" that is saying that there is something wrong with a person who likes getting spanked.  Those kind of statements causes people to have increased anxiety because of who they are.  This type of thing is nonsense and unnecessary and it hurts people more than helps them.  This is why in recent years it is called "alternate lifestyle".  This is why I never use "spanking fetish".  No one deserves to be ashamed of who they are.  I am not ashamed of who I am and I will not be ashamed of who I am. 

If any of you have ever felt this way before,  if you have been judged, or if you have felt ashamed of who you are,  there is nothing to be ashamed of as long as it is legal and the Bible does not call it is sin.  It is also about time that Christians stop judging people for things that the Bible does not call a sin and to accept the differences of others.   It is about time that Christians come along side others and encourage them rather than judge them.  When someone is in sin, we are to gently restore them with the Bible rather than beating them down with the Bible  (see Galatians 6:1).  I, myself am a Christian and it is our responsibility to stand up for what is right,  to love the people and accept the differences of others.  

I thank God that He has not taken away my desires and fascinations of getting spanked because if He would have,  I myself would have been judgmental and less accepting of the differences of others. 

I hope to make a difference in people's lives and that this will free people from unnecessary shame.

God bless you all

Rodney Calmes

Trusting That All Things Will Work Out For Good Romans 8:28

Trusting that God will work out all things for good.  Romans 8:28

When we have worked out all the emotional pain,  came out of denial and got to a point where we accepted what happened to us and worked out our forgiveness of our abusers, molesters, and bullies,  which does not mean being around those people or trusting them, but releasing our hatred and bitterness toward them, we have taken some very crucial steps toward healing.  The next step is a hard one and it is hard to understand.  It involves faith and trust that God will work it out for good.

Abuse does physical, emotional, mental, intellectual, and spiritual damage to a person. It changes them.  I have shared in previous posts on how it has effected me throughout my life and the characteristics that I carry because of it.  I could never understand how that is all going to work out for good. I was damaged by it.  I hated myself.  I tried to pretend to be someone else.  I was ashamed of many things about myself, even things that the Bible does not call a sin.  I thought "How is that going to work out for good?  How can it work out for good?  I am not the person I would have been if I never went through that."

I had to completely trust God and have faith that it would all work out for good.  I had nothing to go on.  That part gets revealed to us later. God shows us and works in us through the faith that we have in Him. I was 27 when I had to rely on just trust and faith in God with this. 

How has God worked this all out for good for me?  God has used me to be an encouragement to many people because of what I went through.  He has given me the ability to have compassion on people who have been abused and bullied.  He has given me the ability to have compassion on those who have no one else and to be there for them.  4 known suicides were prevented and who knows how many more.  God has caused me to make a difference in many people's lives.  None of this would have happened if I have never been abused, bullied,  or molested by another kid in school.  My pages would have never existed. I would have never came to know Jesus Christ. I would have never been able to encourage a woman in my church who was suffering from cancer.

You may not understand why you went through the things you have.  You may not understand how that can work out for good. I hope that my testimony helps you to see how God took the evil things that were done to me and turned that around for me. God can do that for you also.  It takes faith and trust in Him to do it.  It will come in time, but it takes patience and perseverance of faith. Don't give up, because God will turn your curses into a blessing.

Rodney Calmes

Self Pity Leads To Destruction

Self Pity Leads To Destruction

Coming out of denial and accepting and acknowledging what happened to us is our first steps toward healing.  When we have taken these steps in a positive direction,  we can be tempted to keep reliving our past and feel sorry for ourselves. 

Reliving our past is Satan's way to get our lives to spiral downward to destruction.  We become deceived into believing that we are healing when we are going backwards.  Our lives become more and more of a mess.  That leads to greater and greater destruction.  I know a very good woman who went down that path and she now can no longer function in society.  Her skin is very pale and she looks like a mess.  As we continue to relive our past,  the abuse becomes worse and worse.   STAY OUT OF THE PAST!

Luke 9:62  "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back is fit for the kingdom of God."

This is why forgiveness of our abusers is a crucial step after we have accepted what happened to us, it keeps us from reliving our past.  Jesus died for all sins on a cross.  He has forgiven our sins and the sins of others.  No one person can sin against us as much as we have sinned against God.  God has forgiven us, so we ought to forgive others. 

Matt 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men their trespasses,  your heavenly Father will also forgive you.   But if you do not forgive men their trespasses,  neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses. "

We must keep moving forward and looking to our goal.  We need to keep running the race that is set before us and trust that God will work this all out for good (Romans 8:28-30).  We must keep running the race that is set before you. 

Philippians 3:13-14  "but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward for those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. "

There is a difference between looking at the past and learning from it and reliving the past. Learn from the past,  but don't keep dwelling there.  Satan attacks us enough by giving us flashbacks and ptsd. When that happens,  we have to remind ourselves not to keep dwelling there.  We have to remind ourselves that we forgave our abusers and keep pressing forward.  We have to trust that God will work it out for good (Romans 8:28-30). In time,  it will be revealed to us. 

Looking back will destroy you.  Looking forward and being in prayer and God's word will help you and God can use you to do great things as a result of what you have been through. 

Keep moving forward.  When you fall, get up and keep moving.  You will get there.

God bless you,
Rodney Calmes

"My Dad Used To Do This To Me!"

"My Dad Used To Do This To Me"

"My dad used to do this to me" is not an excuse for abuse.  It does not justify abuse. We all have the responsibility to unlearn what is wrong and relearn what is right. Whether a person chooses to abuse or do what is right is ultimately their choice and responsibility.  You may read my story "My Life Story In Detail" what I went through, but I chose to use the things I went through to be compassionate and kind towards others who have been abused, bullied, raped, etc.  That was my choice to do that.  I did not choose to use that as an excuse to abuse other children or animals.  I have a good wife who can testify that I never abused her and our love for each other runs deep.  I babysat kids and none of those kids would ever testify that I abused them. That was my choice.

You have a choice to decide what you are going to do with your life.  You also can make a difference in people's lives.  You can choose love and kindness over abuse. That choice is ultimately yours. "My dad used to do this to me" is no excuse for the choices you make. 

Rodney Calmes

The Final Stages Of Healing From Abuse

The Final Stages Of Healing From Abuse

Romans 8:28-30 talks about God working ALL things for good.  Also we have a life long session of unlearning what is wrong and relearning what is right according to the Bible.  These parts take work. We have already released our hurts and forgiven our abusers at this point.  Now we must keep working at unlearning the bad and relearning the good.  Our characters are forming.  We also trust God to work that out for good, this is not just sitting there and letting things happen.  There are people out there.  We have become victorious,  now it is time to help others become victorious.  This takes continual work.  I am not saying that everyone should have an abuse page.  I am saying that there are people who come into your life that may need your help.  When you earnestly seek to help others, that heals you also.  When you have flashbacks,  you are reminded about those you have helped and the flashbacks become much easier to deal with.  We see how much we have been blessed because of what we went through rather than cursed. If you work at it,  you will get to this point.  If you just sit there and do nothing,  you will remain a victim. 

Let's work to be survivors rather than victims.

God bless you all

Rodney Calmes

It Is Hard To Trust The Type Of People Who Abused You

It Is Hard To Trust The Type Of People Who Abused You.

Some of you may have experienced this and I will share my experiences with this also.  Sometimes for example,  when a person was abused by men, they tend to not trust men, or when a person is abused by women,  they tend not to trust women.

I have taken my harshest spankings by my grandpa. I have taken some harsh spankings from my step dad.  I was bullied in school mostly by boys, and when I was molested by an older kid in school,  that kid was a boy.  Later on,  I have tended to be more open with females than males.  I have a much harder time opening up to other men, even though I am a man myself.  Don't get me wrong,  I have had male friends,  but it seems that females were more supportive of me maybe because I was more open with them.  It does not mean that I had a crush on them.   Most of my conversations with other males are very superficial.  I have had deeper conversations with females.  I have gravitated more toward females in college,  and other social events. 

It takes a very long time for me to trust other males and open up to them.  It eventually happens if I have never been belittled by that person and the person demonstrated themselves to be loving and caring people.  Once a harsh word comes out of their mouth,  I lose all trust and I feel that I can never open up to that person again.  It is taking time for these things to work out.  I consciously know that there are good men out there,  but in
Subconsciously,  I have become more apprehensive to share deep things with them.  It takes much time to work out of this.

If you have struggled with this,  know that not all men are bad, not all women are bad either.  There are a lot of good men and women out there along with bad ones.  Trust can be one of the hardest things.  If you are struggling with this,  I will pray for you.

Rodney Calmes

Something I Have Never Revealed

Something I Have Never Revealed

This happens a lot to women,  but is not very common to happen to men.  I was ashamed to talk about this and I never did.  Only a couple people in private messages.  I am very nervous about revealing this.

When I was 9, I was molested by another older kid in school.  I was afraid to tell my parents in fear of getting punished.   I was threatened to be harmed if I did not cooperate with him.  This happened in the back of the bus. He had me expose my genitals and played with them and when oral activity was going to occur,  I had to urinate and I urinated in his mouth.  I made up another story when I came home. 

This is something I never physically talked to anyone about this.  I was ashamed of this and was afraid to reveal this.  I feared that people would think less of me because of this.

I have never dealt with this and kept it secret until now.

Rodney Calmes

Does God Take Away Every Side Effect Of Abuse?

Does God Take Away Every Side Effect Of Abuse?

God will work out the things that are considered sinful,  He will heal emotional pain, He will give you peace and He will work it out for good. 

Some of the side effects can be having the understanding of what abuse does and being able to relate to others who have been abused.  God will not take that one away.  Others that are not sin issues can be used to build our character and make us better people.  There may be other side effects that God will not take away because He has a purpose for them.

When we trust God,  He takes all that we have been through and makes us better people.  We may be a product of our environment,  but we are better people because of what we went through.

I will list some side effects of abuse that I still carry and that God has not and some that God will not take away from me.

1.  Compassion for others who are being or have been abused or bullied.   I relate to them well and understand what they are going through.  This gives me the ability to help those people.

2.  Compassion for those who have no one.   I will be someone who cares and will be there for them. 

3.  Compassion for those who are different because I am very much different myself.  I can encourage them.

4.  Knowing what it is like to feel pain.  I end up having compassion for others who feel pain and will do what I can to come along side them and encourage them.

5.  I have developed spanking desires as a result of the harsh spankings I took as a child.  I assumed that it was a sin and asked God to take that away from me.  God had a better answer. By not taking that from me,  I have learned not to call anything a sin unless the Bible calls it a sin.  I have learned to understand others and accept their differences rather than judge them.  I have also learned to come along side people who are struggling rather than beat them down.  I have learned to accept myself and my differences because of that.  I have learned that it is ok to embrace in things as long as the Bible does not call it a sin.  I also have learned not to stereotype without completely looking in to it.  Example:  people stereotype BDSM as sexual when most of the time it is not.

6.  I didn't trust in how I was raised. I learned to trust the Bible instead.  Society changes.  It was considered ok by society to beat your kids with sticks in the 70's, now society went to no spankings.  I have learned not to trust society either.  The Bible never changes. I learned to research the true meaning of the Bible by researching the original Hebrew and Greek root word meanings rather than just trusting the English (Word Study Guides help).

7.  Healing takes time and it takes time to unlearn the bad things and relearn the good things.  I have learned to be patient with people through this. 

Forgiving your abusers and bullies is a major step toward healing after you have trusted Jesus and surrendered yourself to Him and accepted Him as Lord and Savior as He died on the cross for your sins and rose from the dead to prepare a place for you in heaven.

Trusting that God will work all things out for good, even the abuse,  bullying,  and side effects of those things.   God will work out all of that for good.  That will unfold when you trust God with that first.

Rodney Calmes