Families Will Deny Our Abuse Leaving Us Alienated And Alone

Families Will Deny Our Abuse Leaving Us Alienated And Alone When we have been abused by our families, they will deny the abuse or tone it down. When we bring up the things that we remember, they will try to convince us that our memories are inaccurate or invalidate our memories and make us feel that we are nuts. They will accuse us of lying and making it up. When we tell our friends about our abuse and they find out, they will convince our friends that we are lying and our friends will no longer listen to us. When we talk about it in the church, they will convince the church that we are lying and can lead some to get kicked out. Others will not be heard. They will appear to be good people on the outside and they may be well liked. People will tend to believe them and not believe us. This ends up leaving us alienated and alone. I have personally experienced this with my family. I had to block them from my Facebook and open another facebook account with just family because of that. They also came to some people in my church as well and tried to invalidate me there also. God knows what they have done and of their pride, self-righteousness, and arrogance which if they don't repent and change their ways, they will find themselves in hell. God knows what you have been through and He understands your struggles. What they have done to you, they have done to God also. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Talking To Yourself Can Help You Think More Clearly

Talking To Yourself Can Help You Think More Clearly Many people do not understand when others talk to themselves. It is something I do regularly. I have no imaginary friends. I am fully coherent and aware of my surroundings when I do it. Sometimes I spew out numbers, thoughts, or what I am planning to say to a person most of the time in a whisper or soft voice. It may not seem normal but I think a lot more clearly when I do that. Sometimes talking out my thoughts when I am alone can help me sort my thoughts and feelings. It can be more healthy, but many are judged as being nuts or they are made fun of because of that. Some people will judge me or others like me as having imaginary friends, which is not true. I now work in a shop full of people who talk out their thoughts to themselves and working by them, I can hear their next thought about what they are going to do next. I have been like that since childhood and working with those guys have helped me to know that I am not alone. This is nothing to be ashamed of. That is a part of me. Any differences you have, you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are all unique and beautiful. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

An Example Of Hebrews 9:22 "No Remission Of Sin Without The Shedding Of Blood" Being Practiced Incorrectly.

An Example Of Hebrews 9:22 "No Remission Of Sin Without The Shedding Of Blood" Being Practiced Incorrectly. There was a man who had many children and he had some grandchildren living with him temporarily. He would spank his children and grandchildren until their butts bled for every little thing with the purpose of making remission for their sins. He would take them down stairs with his other children male and female to watch the kid getting spanked on their bare butt until it bled. The sounds of the stick hitting that bare skin was so loud that it could be heard loudly upstairs if you were not in the basement at that time. One day, on a Sunday after confession the kids were upstairs and that man went downstairs alone and you could hear the same noises that a stick hitting bare skin would make and just as loud, but this time there were no kids screaming and no one else down there. One of the kids heard the noise and asked his dad what he was doing and the dad responded "there is no remission for sin except for the shedding of blood" as the man was walking with only very short steps afterward and would avoid sitting as much as possible. This was something that I did not personally witness but heard about from trustworthy people. I will not share any names or give any hints about who it is. The key thing that was forgotten was that in the whole chapters 9 and 10 of Hebrews, Jesus shed His blood on a cross for all sin for all time. There is no more sacrifice needed for sin. Jesus is the only One who can make remission for sin and He only had to die once and then rose from the dead and all sin is paid for.

Rodney Calmes

BDSM Comes With No Shame

BDSM Comes With No Shame The unique thing I like about BDSM is that I can practice it with no shame. I am a Christian and because the Bible does not address BDSM, I can practice it with no guilt. There is nothing better than to be able to embrace what I like with no shame or guilt. I don't have to be ashamed of the scars on my butt from getting whipped. No one can condemn me for that. I have struggled with being ashamed of what I liked for many years to find out that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Those who are not into BDSM does not have to be. Each person has a choice to practice what they like without being ashamed of it as long as it is legal, does not go against the will of the spouse and the Bible does not call it a sin. We are all different and we have a right to be different and to be ourselves without shame or ridicule. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Trying To Stop The Physical Act Of Harming Ourselves Is Not The Solution

Trying To Stop The Physical Act Of Harming Ourselves Is Not The Solution. We find ourselves cutting, hitting, burning, or doing other harmful things to ourselves. We try to get rid of the things we use to harm ourselves with. We try substitutes, like ice or things that do no harm but produces pain. We try preoccupying ourselves so that we don't have time to harm ourselves. We did not fix our problem. We have deep emotional pain inside that we never dealt with. We tr to run from it. Dealing with it may be the hardest thing we can do. We must deal with it and give it to God. We must accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and repent of any known sin. This is our true solution and our true fix. We must fix what is inside before we can fix what is outside. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

The Difference Of A Person Who Has A Photographic Memory

The Difference Of A Person Who Has A Photographic Memory

I have a photographic memory. In a lot of ways it has been a great advantage. I retain information well. I did not have to do a lot of studying for tests. I did not have to take a lot of notes.

I can remember events that happened a long time ago in great detail. Each memory is like a movie that plays inside of my head. I can remember numbers well. I was told to remember a model number on a Honda 50 motor cycle so that me and a friend could get a part for it. Once it is in my memory, It will never leave. I was in high school at the time in 1989. I still remember that number to this day. It was "C110-203872". I can remember phone numbers that people had when I was a kid.

I have read and studied the Bible and I retain a lot of that well. I also watch a lot of nature documentaries and I retain information very well. I was in Haiti for a mission trip and I was called "the walking and talking encyclopedia".

There are disadvantages to having a photographic memory. Every time a memory gets triggered, I will not only remember the event, but I will feel what I felt when it happened. That makes it very difficult to forgive, but God gave me the strength to forgive a lot of the terrible things I went through. The triggers do not necessarily have to be bad events, but can be good events too. I doesn't matter if it happened yesterday or 30 or more years ago. If it is a sad event, I will feel sad. If it is a funny event, I will break out in a laughter. It could be a scene in a movie that caused me to be sad or that caused me to laugh. I recently broke out laughing about a scene in a movie that I saw 15 years ago.

Most people are not like that and most people's memories are not that extremely sharp. If I had to tell someone that I was laughing about the movie scene that happened 15 years ago, they would think I was nuts.

Most of the time these triggers usually occur during idle times. Keeping myself preoccupied greatly reduces these triggers.

Most people would have triggers and flashbacks of their very traumatic experiences. People like me and possibly others with photographic memories would have triggers and flashbacks on every event big or small. We cannot prevent them from happening, but only reduce their chances of happening by keeping busy.

When these triggers happen, I am fully aware of my surroundings and fully coherent as to what is going on.

People with photographic memories my seem different or may act different. I hope that by sharing this that we can have a better understanding of the differences of others and be more accepting of others rather than having negative thoughts about them or assuming that they are nuts.

Everyone is different. If we learn to accept those who are different, we can learn a lot from one another.

Rodney Calmes

Don't Be Ashamed Of Who You Are

Don't Be Ashamed Of Who You Are. Do you have characteristics about yourself that may not be common? Were bullied because of it? Do You feel that you are the only one? Are you afraid of what people would think if they found out about that characteristic? I have been down that road many times. I have desired to get spanked since I was 8. I often spanked myself and was afraid of what would happen if someone seen me doing that. I was ashamed of that. I often thought "what if the neighbors heard my spanking myself?". I often thought that people would think less of me if they found out that I liked getting spanked. I kept that secret for a long time. I asked God to take that away from me. No matter what I did, I could not change that about me. I struggled with that for a long time. God never took that from me. I searched the Bible and I could not find anything about that in the Bible. I thought that I was in sin. I found nothing that called it a sin. Anything done between husband and wife with consent is ok, including spankings. 2 years ago, someone took a picture of me changing clothes and posted that picture on the internet revealing the scars on my butt from a whipping that I consented to. He took me by surprise. I tried to hide that. He exposed that to all my Facebook friends. That forced me to reveal that. It was a difficult time in my life. I found out that no one thought any less of me and many stood by my side. No one treated me any different. I was blessed because even though a part of me that I was ashamed of got revealed that no one thought any less of me. I am no longer ashamed of that and now I freely talk about it. I no longer have to carry any secrets. I have never hurt anyone by what I do. I have never done anything against the consent of another person. Even though what that person did to me was ugly, that whole thing has set me free. I no longer have to be ashamed of who I am or what I like. Another thing I was ashamed of was that I am a very sensitive person. I cry very easily especially when I see someone who is sad. I have been ashamed of that for years also. I tried to hide myself when I got sensitive. I have learned that there is nothing wrong with being myself. As long as the Bible does not call it a sin, it is ok to embrace in it. I learned not to judge others or call anything a sin that the Bible does not call a sin. This is why God never delivered me from my desires to get spanked. I have also learned that God created my emotions. I have nothing to be ashamed of because of my sensitivity. My sensitivity has caused me to love people and show kindness toward them. It caused me to care about people and pray for them. It has caused me to help others any time I can and to be there for them. You may have things about yourself that are different. Don't be ashamed of them. As long as the Bible does not call it a sin and you are not hurting others, embrace it, don't be ashamed of it. People will love you for who you are. Those who cannot love you for who you are don't deserve to have someone like you. You don't have to try to hide who you are. You are the person God created you to be. Be yourself, it is ok. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Everyone Has Differences

Every person has things about themselves that are different. People are often judged and ridiculed for their differences. Some of these differences are because that is the way God created them. Example: God made me a sensitive person who cries easily especially when I see someone who is sad. There may not be any environmental things that caused that. God created me that way. Some differences come from things that happened. You may go into a locker room and see scars on someone's butt that resulted from being whipped. The person may be old enough that it is obvious that those scars did not come from childhood abuse. You may conclude that the person is into sadomasochism. People scoff at him and make fun of him because of that. They may make judgments on him. That person who has been whipped consented to it. I have been that person. I was spanked severely as a child and when a person takes a severe spanking with blunt force, it triggers involuntary sexual experiences that causes a person to desire spankings and whippings. This is a physical thing, not just psychological. I started to desire spankings when I was 8. I was spanked with large sticks when I was 4-5 very often and occasionally after that. I was spanked every day from when I was 4 until I was 9 either with a hand or a stick either for my teachers or at home. When I had to pull my pants down and get spanked on my bare butt. I believe that it was the moment that triggered the involuntary sexual experiences. When I engage in this, I usually have flashbacks to that event. I have tried to get rid of those desires and prayed about it and God allowed me to have them. He did not get rid of them for a very good reason, so that I would not be judgmental of others and I would not call something a sin that was not found in the Bible to be a sin. When someone cuts themselves, we fail to understand that they carry deep emotional pain inside and we fail to reach out to them. Instead we gossip and look down on them. These types of things are done for a reason and we need to be more understanding of people no matter what they do, there is a reason they do it. We need to treat them with love and kindness. Pray for them and be gentle with them. Some people smoke and we call it a sin or we question their Christianity because of it. There is nothing in the Bible that says that smoking is a sin. People have a right to engage in things and do what they like as long as it does not violate the Bible and they are not hurting other people by it. Some people may be withdrawn and no one reaches out to them. That person may have been abused and yet faces further abuse by the bullying and rejection they face. We all have our differences. Love people for their differences rather than rejecting them. Bear the differences of others even if their differences are not your cup of tea. Be kind to one another. It is ok to be different. No 2 people are the same. If we see someone in sin, pray for them, love them and gently address their sin by showing them their sin in the Bible. Understand that they may be struggling with that. We all struggle with sin of one form or another in our lives. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Self Harm Is Not Just The Physical But It Is The Appearance Of The Pain A Person Carries Inside

We struggle with harming ourselves so to try to stop, we try to get rid of the things we use to harm ourselves with. By doing that, we just put a bandaid on our problem. We did not fix it. When we hurt ourselves, it is not just physical. The physical is just an outside appearance. Our pain lies deep inside. We feel worthless. We feel that we deserve it. We feel that we are nobody. These are lies that we believe about ourselves. Others may have treated us in a way to make us feel that way about ourselves. We have so much pain inside and our scars show it. People see our scars and instead of helping us, they scoff at us and gossip about us. They further hurt us when we need their help the most. We had no one else to turn to. So many judge us but no one comes to our side. God sees your pain and only He can help. We must accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and accept the sacrifice He has made on the cross for us. Only God can free us and restore us. We must get to our roots and even though it is painful, we must vent those to God. We need to see ourselves how God sees us. Jesus paid a precious price for us and that makes us very valuable to Him. God loves us even if no one else does. God never created us to be hurt but He created us to be loved. We get hurt because of man's sin, but Jesus died for it all. If you know someone who harms themselves, come along side them, pray for them and love them. Your act of kindness can change their lives forever. They need your love the most. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Lies Versus Truth

Lies Versus Truth

1. You were told that you were worthless. Jesus considers you valuable even to pay His very own life for you on a cross.

2. You were told that you would never amount to anything. God can use you to accomplish great things. Look at Apostle Paul who murdered Christians before coming to know Christ. God used Paul in mighty ways, He can use you too.

3. You were told that you were stupid and dumb. God gave you the wisdom He desired you to have and that is sufficient for the work God will use you for.

4. You were told that you were a nobody or were treated that way. God created you in His image. That makes you very special to God.

5. You were told that you are dirt and were treated that way. In Genesis, God saw that He created you and said that you were good.

6. You were told that you don't mean anything. You were fearfully and wonderfully made by God. See Psalm 139. You mean a lot to God.

7. You were told that nothing good can come from you or that you don't matter or you may have been told that the world is better off without you. You have influenced many lives. How many people would have no one if they did not have you? What if your one act of kindness changed someone's life forever? Your love and kindness towards others will change many lives and will have a significant effect on the world.

8. You were told that no one could love you. God loves you even to give His only Son for you. Nothing can separate you from God's love. God created you to be loved. Those who do not love you have sinned against God.

9. You were told that there was something wrong with you. God created you to be unique and different. No 2 people are the same. God created your emotions and He created your personality. You have nothing to be ashamed of for how God created you to be. There is nothing wrong with you as a person. The only thing that creates problems is sin. Repent of any known sin and accept Jesus as you Lord and Savior and through the Holy Spirit of God, you are a new creation.

10. You were told that you will never accomplish anything good. Your faith in God and your love, kindness and compassion toward others has already accomplished much good whether you have seen it or not.

11. You were mistreated. Those who mistreated you has also mistreated God. What you have done to others you have done to God. See Matt. 25:31-46 I will hope and pray that you will be encouraged by this post. I love you all.

Rodney Calmes

Warning: Do Not Hate Those Who Are Different!

Warning: Do Not Hate Those Who Are Different!

There are people out there who may like something that maybe no one else would like. If that person does not violate the Bible and does not hurt someone else, let that person embrace what they like. Do not ridicule them. They have a right to like that even if you don't. No one has any right to ridicule someone for their differences.

If the Bible calls something a sin then in a loving and gentle way, show them the scriptures. Pray for them. If you cannot find it in the Bible that says it is a sin, leave them alone and let them do what they like. Hating someone because they are different is wrong. If a person is in sin, we should hate the sin and not the person.

Rodney Calmes

Accept The Differences Of Others, None Of Us Are The Same. Be Yourself

Accept The Differences Of Others, None Of Us Are The Same. Be Yourself

We all have things that we like and we all have things that we dislike. Embrace in the things that you like as long as you are not hurting anyone and it does not go against God's commands in the Bible. If you like to swing off the chandeliers, embrace that as long as they are your chandeliers. If you like to climb trees, do it. If you like to play with kids toys, do it. There is nothing wrong with any of these things. You don't have to try to be like everyone else, be yourself.

There are things that I like that are different than what other people my age like. I like to watch the classic Bugs Bunny Road Runner Show, I like 70's music, I like Ford Gran Torinos. I like to hunt deer, but whether or not I get one, I could care less even though other hunters are competitive, I am not. I like to make chocolate chip cookies even when other guys do not get into that. I like to enjoy nature. I like to fish even if I do not catch anything.

I am a very sensitive person who cries easily, especially when I know that someone else is hurting when most guys are not like that. I like helping people even though a lot of people could care less. I am a Christian.

You all have a right to be who you are without being judged. If you do something that the Bible tells you not to, you need to change that. If you are hurting other people, that needs to change. If you are not violating the Bible and are not hurting others, enjoy what you like and be yourself. Accept the differences of others and love them for who they are. If they violate the Bible, gently restore them with love. Love the person no matter what they like or dislike no matter how different it is.
Rodney Calmes

Things To Know If You Are Being Bullied At Work

Things To Know If You Are Being Bullied At Work

Whenever you go to work, give it your best. Do the best that you know how and know that God is pleased if you are doing that. No matter what others do to you or how they treat you, do not lose heart. You doing the best you can is a witness. Do your work as if you are doing it for God because you are working for God. Those who mistreat you will have to answer to God for that. Your diligence will prove you to be better than those who mistreat you and your ultimate reward is from God in heaven.

Rodney Calmes

Don't Get Sucked Into Bullying At Work

Don't Get Sucked Into Bullying At Work

More times than not bosses bully employees. Many times they will pick out the weakest link and center their bullying on that person. You may have been their target for many years and then a new person comes along. They may be good to that person for a while and then find out that the person is a little slower than others and they turn on them.

Bosses may use tactics of buttering you up even if you have been their target for a long time and tell you that you are doing a good job, then they will slip in some negative comments about their new target employee and stir you against them. You will find that all the other employees call that person names and have nothing good to say about that person. Other employees will also try to get you bully that person. The other employees will butter you up and make negative comments about that person. The temptation to go along with that is easy. Doing the right thing puts yourself at risk of getting fired and/or getting ridiculed and bullied by other employees and your boss. It is easy to take part in the bullying when you are not the one getting bullied. Don't fall into that. If you catch yourself falling into that, stop. Do the right thing. Be kind to the person and encourage them.

Remember that you are not working for your boss, you are working for God. God will not be pleased with bullying. God will be pleased when you are encouraging people and building them up even if it is not the popular thing to do.

God bless,
Rodney Calmes

Tips For Finding A Good Loving Spouse

Tips For Finding A Good Loving Spouse

There is nothing that is fool proof. There are no 100% guarantees, but these tips can help.

1. Trust in God.

2. Pray and engage your partner in prayer.

3. They will treat you very well in the beginning and you will be romanced and you will feel loved.

4. Very carefully observe how they treat their parents and their families. Do they react abusively or with kindness?

5. Very carefully observe how they react toward others. Do they show compassion? Do they care? What if a see a stranger lose a loved one, how do they react to that? Do they show compassion or do they not care?

6. How about their relationship with God? Is that a priority in their lives?

7. How do they react when things go wrong? Do they accept responsibility? Do they blame every one else?

Watch these things very carefully. Do not rush into anything. I am praying for all of you because I do not want to see any of you being abused. I want to see every one of you being treated with love and kindness.

Rodney Calmes

PTSD, Triggers And Flashbacks

PTSD, Triggers And Flashbacks

Have you ever had something that was said or done that you witnessed that caused you to start shaking uncontrollably and ready to cry or end up crying for a long period of time?

This is what happens to me when I witness something that triggers the memories of getting spanked with a stick on my bare butt. I experienced that when another kid got spanked on the bare butt. I also experience that when I see someone taking a paddle to their kid. I also experience that when someone is intensely yelling at their kids.

Have you ever had thoughts of the abuse at random?

I have at least thoughts of the severe bare butt spankings I took several times a day. Sometimes random flashbacks occur. These things happen when I would do something that had nothing to do with abuse. I could be working on a car and have thoughts like that. I would completely dwell on something different and thoughts would hit me at random. I have made peace with that so I am not greatly effected by that and not very disturbed by it. It took me a long time to get to this point. I would have never got there if I would have not forgiven my abusers. Trusting God that He would work all that out for good also helps a great deal. Without that trust in God, I would still be disturbed by those thoughts.

How about flashbacks? Have you ever had them?

Many of my flashbacks would be much more disturbing because in my flashbacks, I would be in a car on the side of the road watching my grandparents ruthlessly spanking a 4 year old kid with a stick that was a 3 foot long 1x2 stick. I would watch this kid scream in agony and me in the car could do nothing. It would cause me to cry and be very saddened because I could not watch another kid be treated like that. I cannot watch that happen to any kid. It is better for it to happen to me than someone else. I would find out that the kid was me. This would be like a movie going on inside my head. When I get experiences like that, I would have to pray and remind myself that I forgave my abusers and the people that I was able to help because of what I went through. I would also get dreams like that as well. When these things happen, I would be doing something that would have nothing to do with it. These things just happen out of the blue even when my mind is completely off of it.

If you have had experiences like that, or still struggle with it, I would like to pray for you.

Rodney Calmes

There Is No Remission For Sin Without The Shedding Of Blood Heb 9:22

There Is No Remission For Sin Without The Shedding Of Blood Heb. 9:22 There is no remission for sin without the shedding of blood. That is written in Hebrews 9:22. The church has taught that. The church has applied this to child discipline since 300 AD. Kids were being spanked until they bled. Whips were used on children and large sticks and paddles. I, myself have been spanked until blood seeped through my skin. It is senseless to do that. My experience is that I felt only the first few swats then my butt was numbed for the rest. Because of the damage I received, it was not long before spankings like that would no longer sting. To this very day, someone could break a stick by hitting my butt with it and I would only feel a very light tingle. The spankings I got not only traumatized me, but also became very ineffective because I would hardly feel anything because of that damage done from previous spankings. When I started to desire spankings at age 8, then they promoted my bad behavior rather than deter it. What the church has neglected was to read the whole chapter rather than just the verse. Reading the whole chapter makes absolutely no indication about child discipline. This chapter talks about the blood of Jesus Christ that needed to be shed for once and for all for the remission for all sins of all times. It is very clear that there no longer is a sacrifice for sins. Jesus paid it all. There are scriptures that deal with child discipline. Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares his rod hates his son. But he who loves his son disciplines him promptly". When we study the Hebrew in this verse, we see that the rod can have a physical or symbolic definition. The rod is using what is effective on your children.  Some children can be spanked all day and it does nothing for them.  It is not a rigid object like the English word would portray. This shows that using rigid and damaging objects is a bad thing.  Children do not know what God's will is, they have to be taught. Children are learning, this means that we cannot beat them with many stripes. Scripture must be taken in context. Shedding blood on children cannot be justified. Bruising children cannot be justified. Any time you bruise a child or draw blood on them, you have abused them. Causing harm to a child is wrong. What about bare butt spankings? I have not seen any scriptures about making kids pull their pants down or exposing their bare butts to get spanked. There are no scriptures to condone this practice. From my experience with that is that I felt degraded when I got old enough to understand modesty. I felt violated by that. I also felt humiliated. My modesty was not respected. Our goal is to teach and instruct our children and to bring repentance, not to humiliate and degrade our children. Bare butt spankings made me feel like I was less of a person. I was afraid to tell someone that I got bare butt spankings. I felt that people would think less of me because of that. Ephesians 6:4 "do not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.". Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged.". Our purpose is to teach and instruct our children, not to take our anger out on them. We are not to pour out our wrath on them, we are to teach them and do only what is necessary to teach them and bring repentance. There is nothing in there about humiliating them or degrading them. There is nothing in there about harming them. We are to discipline them with respect for them and respect for their bodies, not to damage their bodies. Degrading them and humiliating them is not respecting them. Compromising modesty is also degrading and disrespectful. Our children is broken enough when they are reprimanded, so it is very important to reassure our love for them after the discipline. There is nothing wrong with the child. There is something wrong with the sin. God created our children and us very carefully and we were all created in His image. There is nothing wrong with you as a person. There is nothing wrong with the child as a person. There is something wrong with the sin. Never tell a child "what is wrong with you? " instead, tell them "what is wrong with what you did?" By that, you are attacking the sin and not the person. Psalms 139:14 "I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made". Build your child up but tear down the sin. God made your child a beautiful person and carefully gave your child his/her wisdom and personalities which are to be loved and cherished.

Rodney Calmes

Whips Cannot Hurt You! Sticks Cannot Hurt You!

Whips Cannot Hurt You! Sticks Cannot Hurt You!

I have a whip at home. Is is a very stiff whip with a slightly flexible end on it. What does that whip do? I can stare at it and it just sits there. I can stare at it, I can walk around my house. I can sleep in the same room that the whip is in and what has it done? It just sat there. I have no reason to be afraid of it. Sticks work the same way.

Whips and sticks do absolutely nothing. It is the person using it that hurts people. It is the person who hurt you, it is the person who hurt me, not the whip or stick. People hurt people, not objects. People use objects to hurt and abuse people. Don't be afraid of the whip or stick. Stay away from the person who hurt you with it.

The whip I have has been a very useful tool. I found it on my property in Michigan. That whip was very useful for blazing a trail to the river by cutting down high grasses. It did a better job than my weed eater. My weed eater kept plugging up, things went twice as fast with the whip. At that time, that whip never hurt anyone. It was the best tool for the job. The whip was good.

I still have that whip and I have never used it on another person or animal and I will never use it on another person or animal.

Rodney Calmes

Repentance Can Go A Long Way, Reverse Repentance Can Do More Damage Than If There Were No Repentance

Repentance Can Go A Long Way, Reverse Repentance Can Do More Damage Than If There Were No Repentance

After I have lived with my grandparents, I lived with my mother and step dad. My mother married my dad's brother. At first, I got hit on my hands with a stick one time. I was also hit in the head once also. My mother addressed that and told him that if he was going to hit us to hit us on the butt. I was spanked with a stick and when I had to pull my pants down and get spanked with a stick, my mother addressed that too.

My step dad took parenting classes and learned that the way he was treating us was wrong. He repented and he changed his ways. I was able to overlook the bad things he has done and I had a great deal of respect for him for the changes he has made. I understand how he was raised because I lived with my grandparents and I got spanked with a stick by them until I could no longer feel that stick hitting my butt. My grandparents gave spankings like that for every little thing.

I was very happy at home after my step dad took parenting classes. He treated me like I was his very own. I ended up calling him dad. He was a very good father figure to me. At that time I felt very loved at home.

When I was 19, my mother and step dad got divorced. My step dad started to date other women. He spent a lot less time with me and my brother. I lived with him when I was going to college and sometimes would not see him for days. He met a woman with a child and the woman and her child ended up living with us. The child did not like a lot of foods. The child had trouble eating foods that he did not like.

My step dad came up with a solution. Supper time would be at 5pm. We all ate at that time. When we were done eating, the timer came out and was set for 10 minutes. If the kid did not have his food finished, my step dad made him pull his pants down and spanked his bare butt. The timer got set for another 10 minutes and then another bare butt spanking. This would go on until bedtime at 8:30. When bedtime came, he was force fed and if he gagged or any food came out of his mouth, my step dad swatted him in the head hard enough where his head hit the table. This went on for many months. I was greatly disheartened watching this. I realized that my step dad did not care about the fact that what he was doing was wrong. I also realized that had my mother not gotten in the way, I would have been treated the same way regardless if it was right or wrong. I could not concentrate on my homework and became depressed. I did poorly in college because of that and I ended up getting kicked out. I feel after seeing the way that the kid was being treated that I would have been better off if I were treated like that than to see the false repentance. I lost a lot of respect for my step dad because of that and was deeply hurt.

After that, he met another woman and marries her. He gives me a note asking me not to call him dad any more. That was icing on the cake. It felt like a death in the family. I was 29 when I received that letter. It took a long time to get through that.

He now divorced that woman and got back together with my mother and now he shows remorse, but can I trust that after what I saw? What if something happens to my mother? I will never again call him dad. I can't feel that he is real. I would have been better off if he never repented than to see this unfold. I get along with him and I do not hate him, but it is very hard for me to trust him.

Rodney Calmes

Spankings With Blunt Force Or Over Spanking Can Create Many Complications Even If It Happens Only Once

Spankings With Blunt Force Or Over Spanking Can Create Many Complications Even If It Happens Only Once

I have been spanked many times with large sticks. It has caused me many problems. It may have effected my social skills which has led to much bullying in school. It was very hard to deal with emotionally to the point where I could never talk about my emotions. I even became ashamed of my emotions. It caused me to desire spankings starting at age 8.

I also had to pull my pants down and get a spanking on my bare butt with a stick. This can also trigger involuntary sexual experiences. This may have been the beginning of my desires to get spanked. There may be many people who have been spanked like that and completely abhor the desire to get spanked. They may completely hate the idea. That does not mean that sexual experiences have not been triggered. The excessive force from a large stick or large paddle hitting the butt suddenly forces blood into near by areas, along with the extreme and damaging pain travelling to those areas. Many people may not be aware that they have had involuntary sexual experiences from extreme spankings as a child. They may or may not get into spankings as an adult.

When engaging in casual sexual activity, it could trigger flashbacks of the brutal spankings they took. I have had this experience, where I commonly got flashbacks of the bare butt spankings I took. Flashbacks will always occur. If it happens during sexual activity, it may cause a person to withdrawal from it, which may have a large effect on a marriage. When there are non sexual stimuli to flashbacks, it may cause a person to completely avoid the activity. Example: if a person was abused with a golf club, they may avoid golfing all together. If they were whipped with a fishing pole, they may avoid fishing.

If you want to have a normal life, the only thing you can do is to make peace with your past, not avoid it, but accept it and forgive those who wronged you. You may have flashbacks your whole life and you also have to make peace with that too. When I am ministering to others, it helps me that when I get flashbacks, I am able to remind myself that had I not gone through that, I would not have been able to help others either. Also reminding myself that I forgave those who wronged me is also a big help in dealing with flashbacks. You will never get rid of flashbacks, so it is very necessary to make peace with them.

Rodney Calmes

"I Love You" Can Be Meaningless When Love Is Not Practiced

"I Love You" Can Be Meaningless When Love Is Not Practiced

Many parents tell their children "I love you". Kids need to know that they are loved. Kids need to be loved. Many times kids are not being loved. When a kid is not being loved, "I love you" is meaningless. A child is not being loved when a parent gives them a physical punishment with no regard to the physical damage that they are doing to their children or no regard to their child's health or not caring about the damage they may cause. Severe spankings with large sticks is not love. Getting hit on the hands with sticks is not love. Getting hit in the head is not love. When a child brings to the parent's attention of the possibility of the parent killing them by hitting them in the head and the parent responds "I don't care, I am going to do it anyway! ", that is not love. Your words "I love you" are meaningless. When you tell a child "I love you" then tell a child "why don't you go play in the street and get hit by a car", "I love you" is meaningless.

When you tell a child "I love you" and show them love, it means a lot. Discipline shows love. When you discipline a child in a way that shows respect to their bodies and their health, that is love. Anger does not show love but instruction and reassurance of you love for them after the discipline shows love.

Cutting a person down is not love. When you tell a child "I love you" and then call them "stupid" or other bad names or tell them that they are worthless and useless, "I love you" means nothing.

Exploiting a child, degrading them, making them expose themselves and giving bare butt spankings is not love. When you do this and tell them "I love you", that is meaningless.

Respecting a child's privacy and dignity is showing love. You can discipline children without degrading them. It is better to use harsher instruments to spank with than to make them expose themselves by spanking their bare butt. I am not condoning using harsh instruments. Producing a sting without causing harm or making them expose their butt is sufficient.

All things should be done with respect, instruction, and regard to the child's dignity and modesty. All instruction should be constructive. It should also be made clear that it is the misbehavior that is being punished, not their person.

Rodney Calmes

Bare Butt Spankings Are Crude And Indecent

Bare Butt Spankings Are Crude And Indecent

Many of us have been spanked as children. Blunt force or spankings with blunt objects causes many problems. Making a child pull their pants down to get spanked, thus making them expose themselves is very humiliating and degrading. It shows no respect for their modesty and it shows no respect for the child. The way I see it, any act of making a child expose themselves is sexual abuse.

If you are having a child remove clothes to bathe them, or do just what is necessary to take care of them, then it is not abuse. Making a child expose themselves to get spanked is abuse.

The object of discipline is to teach, guide and correct a child. It is not to degrade or humiliate the child.

Rodney Calmes

Spankings With Blunt Force Or Over Spanking Can Create Many Complications Even If It Happens Only Once

I have been spanked many times with large sticks. It has caused me many problems. It may have effected my social skills which has led to much bullying in school. It was very hard to deal with emotionally to the point where I could never talk about my emotions. I even became ashamed of my emotions. It caused me to desire spankings starting at age 8. I also had to pull my pants down and get a spanking on my bare butt with a stick. This can also trigger involuntary sexual experiences. This may have been the beginning of my desires to get spanked. There may be many people who have been spanked like that and completely abhor the desire to get spanked. They may completely hate the idea. That does not mean that sexual experiences have not been triggered.

The excessive force from a large stick or large paddle hitting the butt suddenly forces blood into near by areas, along with the extreme and damaging pain travelling to those areas. Many people may not be aware that they have had involuntary sexual experiences from extreme spankings as a child. They may or may not get into spankings as an adult. When engaging in casual sexual activity, it could trigger flashbacks of the brutal spankings they took. I have had this experience, where I commonly got flashbacks of the bare butt spankings I took. Flashbacks will always occur. If it happens during sexual activity, it may cause a person to withdrawal from it, which may have a large effect on a marriage.

When there are non sexual stimuli to flashbacks, it may cause a person to completely avoid the activity. Example: if a person was abused with a golf club, they may avoid golfing all together. If they were whipped with a fishing pole, they may avoid fishing. If you want to have a normal life, the only thing you can do is to make peace with your past, not avoid it, but accept it and forgive those who wronged you. You may have flashbacks your whole life and you also have to make peace with that too.

When I am ministering to others, it helps me that when I get flashbacks, I am able to remind myself that had I not gone through that, I would not have been able to help others either. Also reminding myself that I forgave those who wronged me is also a big help in dealing with flashbacks. You will never get rid of flashbacks, so it is very necessary to make peace with them.

Rodney Calmes

Spankings Can Be A Reward Rather Than A Punishment With Some Kids

Spankings Can Be A Reward Rather Than A Punishment With Some Kids

Many parents will try to curb misbehavior by spanking with blunt force or using blunt objects to spank with. This can trigger involuntary sexual experiences in a child. A person does not have to be an adult or an adolescent to experience this. This type of thing happens because the butt is an erogenous zone. The nerves in the butt are connected to the nerves in the genitals. When extreme pain is experienced, that pain travels to the genitals along with the sudden blunt force forcing blood into the genitals. When this happens, the person experiences sexual experiences. Some have reported recalling being aroused by spankings at as early as age 6. Some reports were made of boys as early as age 4 having erections after getting spanked, which most of them do not recall the actual experience. Once you have triggered these involuntary sexual experiences, you have created a desire for spankings in those kids. Spankings now become a reward rather than a punishment.

You may spank a kid then notice an increase of that misbehavior rather than a decrease. The kid may in his way try to encourage you to spank him/her harder. They may ask for spankings. They may choose spankings over other non physical punishments. They may spank themselves. Or they may talk about spankings very frequently. TAKE NOTE IF YOU SEE YOUR CHILD DO ANY OF THESE THINGS.

Once a person desires spankings, they are no longer useful for curbing bad behavior. Spankings will now enhance bad behavior. I, myself have desired spankings since age 8. It more addictive than crack cocaine. Those desires will never go away, even if you never spank your child again.

I have been very reluctant to talk about this until this year. I was afraid of what others might think. I now opened up because I thought it necessary for 3 reasons. To get people to stop judging others for their differences. To get people to understand that there may be reasons for others to have differences and to get people to accept the differences of others and love one another for who they are. The third is to let you know that if you like to be spanked or have other differences, it is ok for you to be you. You do not have to be ashamed of who you are.

Rodney Calmes

Accepting The Things That Happened To Us Is Wrong May Be More Difficult But It Is The Best For Us In The Long Run

It may be easier to convince ourselves that we either deserved the abuse or that some how the abuse we got was right for ourselves. This type of thinking may make us feel better that we got treated the way we did. You will find that whatever reasons you use to justify the abuse you got will also be carried out on others when they do the same things.

It is more painful to accept that what happened to us is wrong. It hurts to know that we were wronged and abused. We have to accept that if we want to break the cycle. If you do not want to abuse your kids, then it is necessary for you to accept that you were abused and accept that all abuse is wrong, even the abuse that happened to you.

If any one of you are struggling with this, I would like to pray for you.

Rodney Calmes

Those Who Tear You Down Are Doing The Work Of The Devil

Anyone who makes you feel any less than a precious and special person has told you lies. Anyone who has not loved you has sinned. Anyone who has made you feel worthless has done the work of the devil. You are a very special, loved, and valuable person. God has given you potential to make big differences in the lives of many people. Trust God with your life and He will work in you and cause many great things to happen from someone like you.

Rodney J Calmes

You Are A Much Better Person Than Those Who Mistreated You

For those who have bullied you, abused you or mistreated you because they cannot accept you for who you are has already proven who they are by the things that they have done to you. When you have love, kindness and compassion on others, your qualities have proven to be much better than those who mistreated you. Those who mistreated you has proven that they lacked love, kindness and compassion, which are the greatest qualities a person can have.

You stand far above those who mistreated you. Those who mistreated you do not deserve you. Your qualities of love, kindness and compassion out weighs any cruel thing a person can do to you. It proves you to be the greater person.

Put on love, kindness and compassion and that will prove just how great you are.

Rodney Calmes

Convincing Yourself That You Deserved The Abuse Is Destructive

I have tried to convince myself that I deserved to be abused. I tried to figure out a way that I deserved it and no one else does. I never wanted to see another person be abused, so I tried to convince myself that I was more rotten than anyone else. This has caused me to feel worthless and useless. I have convinced myself that I do not deserve to be considered a person. This is what I tried to do to help make myself feel better that I got mistreated and abused and bullied. This type of thinking does not heal, it destroys you. Many of you may have thought like this. If any one of you have ever struggled with this or are struggling, I would like to pray for you.

Rodney Calmes

Forgiveness Is Not Justifying A Wrong And It Is Not Denying A Wrong

When we try to justify the abuse we got, that is not forgiveness. Justifying the abuse we got leads us to abuse others. It will not heal us.

When we deny the abuse we got, that is like shoving dirt over a wound to cover it up, which will fester and cause more problems. Denial is not forgiveness, denial will not heal us.

Forgiveness is accepting that what happened to us is wrong, but choosing to not hold any grudges against the person. It is choosing not to have bitter feelings towards the person. It is a choice to let go of the past. It does not mean trusting the person or setting your self up for further abuse. It does not mean coming into that person's life again. It just means not holding anything against the person. Forgiveness is the start of the healing process. Healing cannot happen without forgiveness.

Rodney Calmes

Every Person Is Responsible To Research And Do What Is Right. There Is No Excuse For Abuse.

Each person is responsible before God to research the Bible for what is right and what is wrong. No one can be justified for abuse. I may have been spanked with a large hardwood stick. It may have been a common practice by the majority at that time. The church may have endorsed it. It may have been tradition, but it does not make it right. The Bible has never endorsed spanking with hardwood sticks. The Bible has never endorsed s shedding blood on children even though many churches may have taught that.

The Bible does talk about using the rod to spank children with, but the Hebrew for rod is a fresh shoot which is light and flexible, stings but does no damage.

The Bible talks about no remission for sin except for the shedding of blood, but that applies to the blood of Jesus who died for our sins for once and for all. It even says that there is no more sacrifice for sin, all sins have already been paid for. It does not apply to shedding blood on children. Shedding blood on children is not found in the Bible.

You are all responsible to research what is right on how we handle children no matter what tradition is, no matter what you have been taught. Every person is responsible to rise above that.

There is no excuse for abuse. Abuse cannot be justified. Abuse is wrong no matter when it happened. Abuse is wrong no matter what everyone else does. Abuse is wrong no matter how you have been treated.

If you were brought up with abuse, unlearn what you were taught and were brought up with and relearn what is right.

Rodney Calmes