Having Desires And Fascinations With Getting Spanked Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of

Having Desires And Fascinations With Getting Spanked Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of

You may have seen some people out in public making fun of that.  You may have struggled with feeling ashamed of having those desires in the past.  The public may have called it a disorder.  People may have said that it was unhealthy.  The fundamental Christians may have called it a sin.  All these things have been bombarded to us and because of that,  we feel ashamed because of it.  We try to hide that part of ourselves.  I myself have done that.  I have felt ashamed of who I am.  I tried to keep this part of me secret.  I asked God to take my desires and fascinations with getting spanked away from me.

I have studied the Bible very thoroughly and found nothing wrong with this.  I researched the laws and found nothing illegal.  Nothing gets done without consent.  For years it was called a disorder,  but now it is called an alternate lifestyle. 

For too long people have been shamed because of this for no reason.  For too long society has made people feel that there is something wrong with them because of this.  Where does the Bible call this a sin?  Where does it say in the laws that this is illegal?  Why are people being judged? Don't we have a right to be ourselves?  If this is not a sin and this is not illegal,  then why do people treat us like it is illegal or wrong?   When we look at Matthew 7, the Bible says judge not lest you be judged.  

Some of us has suffered needless anxiety because of how others judge us. I myself have felt that way.  I have tried to hide who I am because of fear of what others would think.  I have felt ashamed of who I am for no reason because of how people talk about those who like getting spanked.  God did not take those desires away for a reason.  God had a purpose for this.   To teach me not to judge others and accept others for their differences.  God taught me not to call anything a sin unless the Bible calls it a sin a and also to make a statement.  Through this,  God has also taught me to accept myself. 

When people call fascinations and desires to get spanked a "spanking fetish", that is putting a negative connotation on that.  When psychologists have called it a "psycho-sexual disorder" that is saying that there is something wrong with a person who likes getting spanked.  Those kind of statements causes people to have increased anxiety because of who they are.  This type of thing is nonsense and unnecessary and it hurts people more than helps them.  This is why in recent years it is called "alternate lifestyle".  This is why I never use "spanking fetish".  No one deserves to be ashamed of who they are.  I am not ashamed of who I am and I will not be ashamed of who I am. 

If any of you have ever felt this way before,  if you have been judged, or if you have felt ashamed of who you are,  there is nothing to be ashamed of as long as it is legal and the Bible does not call it is sin.  It is also about time that Christians stop judging people for things that the Bible does not call a sin and to accept the differences of others.   It is about time that Christians come along side others and encourage them rather than judge them.  When someone is in sin, we are to gently restore them with the Bible rather than beating them down with the Bible  (see Galatians 6:1).  I, myself am a Christian and it is our responsibility to stand up for what is right,  to love the people and accept the differences of others.  

I thank God that He has not taken away my desires and fascinations of getting spanked because if He would have,  I myself would have been judgmental and less accepting of the differences of others. 

I hope to make a difference in people's lives and that this will free people from unnecessary shame.

God bless you all

Rodney Calmes

Trusting That All Things Will Work Out For Good Romans 8:28

Trusting that God will work out all things for good.  Romans 8:28

When we have worked out all the emotional pain,  came out of denial and got to a point where we accepted what happened to us and worked out our forgiveness of our abusers, molesters, and bullies,  which does not mean being around those people or trusting them, but releasing our hatred and bitterness toward them, we have taken some very crucial steps toward healing.  The next step is a hard one and it is hard to understand.  It involves faith and trust that God will work it out for good.

Abuse does physical, emotional, mental, intellectual, and spiritual damage to a person. It changes them.  I have shared in previous posts on how it has effected me throughout my life and the characteristics that I carry because of it.  I could never understand how that is all going to work out for good. I was damaged by it.  I hated myself.  I tried to pretend to be someone else.  I was ashamed of many things about myself, even things that the Bible does not call a sin.  I thought "How is that going to work out for good?  How can it work out for good?  I am not the person I would have been if I never went through that."

I had to completely trust God and have faith that it would all work out for good.  I had nothing to go on.  That part gets revealed to us later. God shows us and works in us through the faith that we have in Him. I was 27 when I had to rely on just trust and faith in God with this. 

How has God worked this all out for good for me?  God has used me to be an encouragement to many people because of what I went through.  He has given me the ability to have compassion on people who have been abused and bullied.  He has given me the ability to have compassion on those who have no one else and to be there for them.  4 known suicides were prevented and who knows how many more.  God has caused me to make a difference in many people's lives.  None of this would have happened if I have never been abused, bullied,  or molested by another kid in school.  My pages would have never existed. I would have never came to know Jesus Christ. I would have never been able to encourage a woman in my church who was suffering from cancer.

You may not understand why you went through the things you have.  You may not understand how that can work out for good. I hope that my testimony helps you to see how God took the evil things that were done to me and turned that around for me. God can do that for you also.  It takes faith and trust in Him to do it.  It will come in time, but it takes patience and perseverance of faith. Don't give up, because God will turn your curses into a blessing.

Rodney Calmes

Self Pity Leads To Destruction

Self Pity Leads To Destruction

Coming out of denial and accepting and acknowledging what happened to us is our first steps toward healing.  When we have taken these steps in a positive direction,  we can be tempted to keep reliving our past and feel sorry for ourselves. 

Reliving our past is Satan's way to get our lives to spiral downward to destruction.  We become deceived into believing that we are healing when we are going backwards.  Our lives become more and more of a mess.  That leads to greater and greater destruction.  I know a very good woman who went down that path and she now can no longer function in society.  Her skin is very pale and she looks like a mess.  As we continue to relive our past,  the abuse becomes worse and worse.   STAY OUT OF THE PAST!

Luke 9:62  "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back is fit for the kingdom of God."

This is why forgiveness of our abusers is a crucial step after we have accepted what happened to us, it keeps us from reliving our past.  Jesus died for all sins on a cross.  He has forgiven our sins and the sins of others.  No one person can sin against us as much as we have sinned against God.  God has forgiven us, so we ought to forgive others. 

Matt 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men their trespasses,  your heavenly Father will also forgive you.   But if you do not forgive men their trespasses,  neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses. "

We must keep moving forward and looking to our goal.  We need to keep running the race that is set before us and trust that God will work this all out for good (Romans 8:28-30).  We must keep running the race that is set before you. 

Philippians 3:13-14  "but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward for those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. "

There is a difference between looking at the past and learning from it and reliving the past. Learn from the past,  but don't keep dwelling there.  Satan attacks us enough by giving us flashbacks and ptsd. When that happens,  we have to remind ourselves not to keep dwelling there.  We have to remind ourselves that we forgave our abusers and keep pressing forward.  We have to trust that God will work it out for good (Romans 8:28-30). In time,  it will be revealed to us. 

Looking back will destroy you.  Looking forward and being in prayer and God's word will help you and God can use you to do great things as a result of what you have been through. 

Keep moving forward.  When you fall, get up and keep moving.  You will get there.

God bless you,
Rodney Calmes

"My Dad Used To Do This To Me!"

"My Dad Used To Do This To Me"

"My dad used to do this to me" is not an excuse for abuse.  It does not justify abuse. We all have the responsibility to unlearn what is wrong and relearn what is right. Whether a person chooses to abuse or do what is right is ultimately their choice and responsibility.  You may read my story "My Life Story In Detail" what I went through, but I chose to use the things I went through to be compassionate and kind towards others who have been abused, bullied, raped, etc.  That was my choice to do that.  I did not choose to use that as an excuse to abuse other children or animals.  I have a good wife who can testify that I never abused her and our love for each other runs deep.  I babysat kids and none of those kids would ever testify that I abused them. That was my choice.

You have a choice to decide what you are going to do with your life.  You also can make a difference in people's lives.  You can choose love and kindness over abuse. That choice is ultimately yours. "My dad used to do this to me" is no excuse for the choices you make. 

Rodney Calmes

The Final Stages Of Healing From Abuse

The Final Stages Of Healing From Abuse

Romans 8:28-30 talks about God working ALL things for good.  Also we have a life long session of unlearning what is wrong and relearning what is right according to the Bible.  These parts take work. We have already released our hurts and forgiven our abusers at this point.  Now we must keep working at unlearning the bad and relearning the good.  Our characters are forming.  We also trust God to work that out for good, this is not just sitting there and letting things happen.  There are people out there.  We have become victorious,  now it is time to help others become victorious.  This takes continual work.  I am not saying that everyone should have an abuse page.  I am saying that there are people who come into your life that may need your help.  When you earnestly seek to help others, that heals you also.  When you have flashbacks,  you are reminded about those you have helped and the flashbacks become much easier to deal with.  We see how much we have been blessed because of what we went through rather than cursed. If you work at it,  you will get to this point.  If you just sit there and do nothing,  you will remain a victim. 

Let's work to be survivors rather than victims.

God bless you all

Rodney Calmes

It Is Hard To Trust The Type Of People Who Abused You

It Is Hard To Trust The Type Of People Who Abused You.

Some of you may have experienced this and I will share my experiences with this also.  Sometimes for example,  when a person was abused by men, they tend to not trust men, or when a person is abused by women,  they tend not to trust women.

I have taken my harshest spankings by my grandpa. I have taken some harsh spankings from my step dad.  I was bullied in school mostly by boys, and when I was molested by an older kid in school,  that kid was a boy.  Later on,  I have tended to be more open with females than males.  I have a much harder time opening up to other men, even though I am a man myself.  Don't get me wrong,  I have had male friends,  but it seems that females were more supportive of me maybe because I was more open with them.  It does not mean that I had a crush on them.   Most of my conversations with other males are very superficial.  I have had deeper conversations with females.  I have gravitated more toward females in college,  and other social events. 

It takes a very long time for me to trust other males and open up to them.  It eventually happens if I have never been belittled by that person and the person demonstrated themselves to be loving and caring people.  Once a harsh word comes out of their mouth,  I lose all trust and I feel that I can never open up to that person again.  It is taking time for these things to work out.  I consciously know that there are good men out there,  but in
Subconsciously,  I have become more apprehensive to share deep things with them.  It takes much time to work out of this.

If you have struggled with this,  know that not all men are bad, not all women are bad either.  There are a lot of good men and women out there along with bad ones.  Trust can be one of the hardest things.  If you are struggling with this,  I will pray for you.

Rodney Calmes

Something I Have Never Revealed

Something I Have Never Revealed

This happens a lot to women,  but is not very common to happen to men.  I was ashamed to talk about this and I never did.  Only a couple people in private messages.  I am very nervous about revealing this.

When I was 9, I was molested by another older kid in school.  I was afraid to tell my parents in fear of getting punished.   I was threatened to be harmed if I did not cooperate with him.  This happened in the back of the bus. He had me expose my genitals and played with them and when oral activity was going to occur,  I had to urinate and I urinated in his mouth.  I made up another story when I came home. 

This is something I never physically talked to anyone about this.  I was ashamed of this and was afraid to reveal this.  I feared that people would think less of me because of this.

I have never dealt with this and kept it secret until now.

Rodney Calmes

Does God Take Away Every Side Effect Of Abuse?

Does God Take Away Every Side Effect Of Abuse?

God will work out the things that are considered sinful,  He will heal emotional pain, He will give you peace and He will work it out for good. 

Some of the side effects can be having the understanding of what abuse does and being able to relate to others who have been abused.  God will not take that one away.  Others that are not sin issues can be used to build our character and make us better people.  There may be other side effects that God will not take away because He has a purpose for them.

When we trust God,  He takes all that we have been through and makes us better people.  We may be a product of our environment,  but we are better people because of what we went through.

I will list some side effects of abuse that I still carry and that God has not and some that God will not take away from me.

1.  Compassion for others who are being or have been abused or bullied.   I relate to them well and understand what they are going through.  This gives me the ability to help those people.

2.  Compassion for those who have no one.   I will be someone who cares and will be there for them. 

3.  Compassion for those who are different because I am very much different myself.  I can encourage them.

4.  Knowing what it is like to feel pain.  I end up having compassion for others who feel pain and will do what I can to come along side them and encourage them.

5.  I have developed spanking desires as a result of the harsh spankings I took as a child.  I assumed that it was a sin and asked God to take that away from me.  God had a better answer. By not taking that from me,  I have learned not to call anything a sin unless the Bible calls it a sin.  I have learned to understand others and accept their differences rather than judge them.  I have also learned to come along side people who are struggling rather than beat them down.  I have learned to accept myself and my differences because of that.  I have learned that it is ok to embrace in things as long as the Bible does not call it a sin.  I also have learned not to stereotype without completely looking in to it.  Example:  people stereotype BDSM as sexual when most of the time it is not.

6.  I didn't trust in how I was raised. I learned to trust the Bible instead.  Society changes.  It was considered ok by society to beat your kids with sticks in the 70's, now society went to no spankings.  I have learned not to trust society either.  The Bible never changes. I learned to research the true meaning of the Bible by researching the original Hebrew and Greek root word meanings rather than just trusting the English (Word Study Guides help).

7.  Healing takes time and it takes time to unlearn the bad things and relearn the good things.  I have learned to be patient with people through this. 

Forgiving your abusers and bullies is a major step toward healing after you have trusted Jesus and surrendered yourself to Him and accepted Him as Lord and Savior as He died on the cross for your sins and rose from the dead to prepare a place for you in heaven.

Trusting that God will work all things out for good, even the abuse,  bullying,  and side effects of those things.   God will work out all of that for good.  That will unfold when you trust God with that first.

Rodney Calmes

How God Has Worked Out The Abuse And Bullying Out For Good In My Life Along With Its Complications

How God Has Worked Out The Abuse And Bullying Out For Good In My Life Along With Its Complications

The abusive spankings I took from my grandparents resulted in having an understanding of others who have been abused and being able to relate to them.  It also helped me to search out the Bible for wisdom rather than relying on how I was raised.  My living with my grandparents to begin with resulted in divorce and the complications I faced from that helped me to see and believe the truth of God's Word. 

The bullying I went through has helped me to understand what it is like to have no one.  I can relate to others who are in that situation.  It has caused me to care about those people and when I see that they are alone,  I would be there for them.  When I read the Bible,  it has taught me that God loves me regardless of how others treated me,  I was also able to share that with others who felt unloved.  It has helped me to help others know that they are loved.  4 lives were saved from suicide because I was there for people and understood them.  They have seen what I have gone through and were encouraged that there was hope.

I have shared my story on the internet and in a dvd. It has given people at Golden House hope.  Golden House is an abuse shelter in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I have gotten feedback from them when I made another donation to them. 

I became very withdrawn and detached from my emotions.  I became robot like.  When I accepted Jesus Christ, God restored my emotions and restored me as a person.   This has shown me God's power to restore people.  God can restore you too.

I was taught and treated like there was something wrong with me.  God taught me that He created me and all my characteristics and differences has given me a measure of wisdom that He desires me to have.   The person God has created is good.  That includes me and that includes you.  When we accept Jesus Christ and repent of any known sin,  we are a new creation,  we are the person that God created us to be.

I am not the same person that I would have been had I not faced these things in life.  I may have had more friends,  I may have made more money,  I may have lived a life in which the world would call "a happy life".  I also know that I would not have recognized my need for God.   I would have never come to know and accept Jesus,  and I would probably have been married to a different woman than the one I have because if I have not known Jesus,  I would have never met my wife.  I also would have never had the care, love,  or compassion on those who needed someone.  I would not have been the loving person I am.   I realize that the things I have been through has made me a better person. 

My involvement with BDSM and my fascinations with getting spanked would not have happened if I did not get the abusive spankings I got as a child.  I had a hard time accepting myself because of that.  I knew that my childhood spankings brought that on.  I would have never chosen to have those desires or fascinations with getting spanked.   I was ashamed of who I was.  I asked God to take that away.    Even though this lifestyle is different,  there is nothing in the Bible that calls it a sin.  In the end,  I learned not to call anything a sin unless I can prove it in the Bible.  I also learned to accept the differences of others and not judge them.  I also know what it is like to struggle.  For those who struggle with sin, to understand them,  pray for them,  and gently restore them with the Bible.  I also learned that it is ok to be myself and embrace in my differences, even this lifestyle, it is now a part of who I am.  I have also learned to accept myself through this along with being more accepting of others. 

I have also sinned and done many bad things in my life.  Jesus forgave me and called me to forgive those who wronged me.  What I have been through has shown me what it is to forgive.  It was hard but very necessary for healing. 

The damage that was done to me from abuse and bullying was great and sharing that has brought awareness of what abuse and bullying does,  me sharing about that may have opened up the eyes of others and may have prevented another person from being bullied or may have caused someone to take abuse more serious and report it.  Sharing about what kindness does may have promoted more kindness.  This can spiral and change lives.  I hope that many lives get changed.  I believe it has.
I now have a message:  There is hope for you.  God can give you victory through this just like He has done for me.  You may not be the same, but you will be better people.   God can take the evil things that happened to you and turn them around for good just like He has done for me.  Forgive those who wronged you and trust God to work these things out for you and He will.  God will use you to do great things and change the lives of many people because of someone like you.

Rodney Calmes