PTSD, Triggers And Flashbacks

PTSD, Triggers And Flashbacks

Have you ever had something that was said or done that you witnessed that caused you to start shaking uncontrollably and ready to cry or end up crying for a long period of time?

This is what happens to me when I witness something that triggers the memories of getting spanked with a stick on my bare butt. I experienced that when another kid got spanked on the bare butt. I also experience that when I see someone taking a paddle to their kid. I also experience that when someone is intensely yelling at their kids.

Have you ever had thoughts of the abuse at random?

I have at least thoughts of the severe bare butt spankings I took several times a day. Sometimes random flashbacks occur. These things happen when I would do something that had nothing to do with abuse. I could be working on a car and have thoughts like that. I would completely dwell on something different and thoughts would hit me at random. I have made peace with that so I am not greatly effected by that and not very disturbed by it. It took me a long time to get to this point. I would have never got there if I would have not forgiven my abusers. Trusting God that He would work all that out for good also helps a great deal. Without that trust in God, I would still be disturbed by those thoughts.

How about flashbacks? Have you ever had them?

Many of my flashbacks would be much more disturbing because in my flashbacks, I would be in a car on the side of the road watching my grandparents ruthlessly spanking a 4 year old kid with a stick that was a 3 foot long 1x2 stick. I would watch this kid scream in agony and me in the car could do nothing. It would cause me to cry and be very saddened because I could not watch another kid be treated like that. I cannot watch that happen to any kid. It is better for it to happen to me than someone else. I would find out that the kid was me. This would be like a movie going on inside my head. When I get experiences like that, I would have to pray and remind myself that I forgave my abusers and the people that I was able to help because of what I went through. I would also get dreams like that as well. When these things happen, I would be doing something that would have nothing to do with it. These things just happen out of the blue even when my mind is completely off of it.

If you have had experiences like that, or still struggle with it, I would like to pray for you.

Rodney Calmes