The Differences Between Parents Doing Their Best vs. Intentional Cruelty

The Differences Between Parents Doing Their Best vs. Intentional Cruelty

　

      Many times we may have been spanked more excessively than we should have been. We may have been belted, spanked with sticks, taken slaps in the face, hits in the head, hits on the hands with objects, or mouth washed out with soap. The Bible does not promote any of this. The Bible promotes spankings with a fresh new growth off a branch - similar to a willow branch, which does not do near the damage, but our parents may have been taught otherwise, and they may not have researched the Bible to see that what they did was excessive. Some parents did not realize that hitting in the head can cause a lifetime of problems, or hitting the hands with an object can cause premature arthritis, or a slap in the face could cause an eye to pop out of its socket if the kid happens to duck the wrong way, or washing a mouth out with soap can cause unfavorable reactions in the body and in some rare cases caused death. Many parents would care and be concerned if they knew that they were putting their child at these kinds of risks, but they just plain did not know.

      Many parents practiced these things above with good intentions, wanting what they thought was best for their children. Many parents handed these punishments down because it was tradition. They did what they thought was the best. I can give my mother and step dad credit for that, and when they realized that what they did was wrong, they repented. I can also give my paternal grandmother some credit as well, even though I got harsh spankings from her. I cannot give that credit to my paternal grandfather, because he was intentionally cruel, and his spankings were much more severe. I could put a rhyme or reason when I got spanked by my grandmother, there was always something I could put my finger on. With my grandfather, I could not put my finger on half the spankings he gave me. He would give spanking because a project went sour and you happen to be present, even though you had nothing to do with it going sour, and he would say “That is for something you did yesterday.”. When I would ask him what I did, he gave me another severe spanking for not being able to figure it out. Another sign I experienced from my grandpa that he was intentionally cruel was when he would take a cigarette lighter in a car and put it in its socket without pushing it in all the way and put his thumb on it, and have me put my thumb on it. This would happen several times, then he pushed it in all they way and had me put my thumb on it and burn it. My grandpa laughed when he saw that I was in pain. That is not doing the best you know how for a child, and I will never give my grandpa credit for that. I will give other examples of things I have known about of things that happened to various people. I will not share names.

Examples of intentional cruelty.

1. Taking their child’s dog and hanging it by its neck in a tree and then when their child gets home and sees his dog dead, he cries, so they take a stick and beat him to teach him that men do not cry.

2. Giving their child permission to build a go-cart, and then telling him to keep that out of his way, or it would go to the junk, so the child puts it in a shed in a corner that is clearly out of the way, but the father takes the go cart and junks it anyway just to hurt his child.

3. Taking a daughter’s cat, killing it and putting it on the windshield of her car.

4. Beating their children because something did not go right, even though it had nothing to do with the child.

5. Using children as sex toys.

      Any parent who practiced things like these 5 things I listed along with my example of the cigarette lighter did not do what they thought was best. They did an injustice. Those type of people do not deserve any credit. They had no regard for their children’s well being, and did not love and care for their children.

      If you have had intentionally cruel parents or grandparents, I will pray for you. Know that the only way to heal from that is to forgive even though they were wrong.

Rodney Calmes