My Story Of How I Have Learned To Accept Myself

My Story Of How I Have Learned To Accept Myself

In May 2012, I started my page Support For Those Who Have Been Abused. I have already found emotional healing from the abuse and bullying I went through and I shared it on my page. There were things about me that I kept secret or tried to keep secret. One of those was my sensitivity and that I cried easily when I saw others who were sad. I was ashamed of that for years. The other was my desires and fascination with getting spanked and whipped. I never wanted to share about my desires and fascination with getting spanked and whipped because I felt that people would think less of me. I shared it because I had to. That was a part of me that I resented and hated about myself even though the Bible never called that a sin. The reason that I hated that about myself is because abusive spankings have triggered that. I have consented to being caned with a metal rod that left some nasty scars.

What lead me to share about that? Starting in 2011, someone took a picture of me changing clothes and revealed my scarred butt all over the internet by posting that picture in accounts he has opened in my name. That picture was taken about 5 months after I consented to getting whipped. I never gave him permission to take that picture and I never consented to him posting that on the internet. There are accounts in Google, Facebook, Twitter, and possibly others that have that picture in it. He friended all my friends and posted that picture. He opened accounts under "Adrienne Calmes", and "Dorothy Vankampen" along with accounts in my name. There may be others. He posted that picture on my pages and other pages that I have been involved with. There is no one who has not seen that picture that I know of. I tried to tell people that a heater caused that. It is obvious by that picture that the heater did not cause that. This was the beginning.

I have shared my story on my page and other pages as well. My family got a hold of that and it created many problems in the family because they didn't want to admit to the fact that my grandparents abused me. My family and relatives went into denial, only a couple talked about it. One uncle covered my back on that. The rest were against me. Later on there was a pending lawsuit. Prior to the pending of the lawsuit, the person who posted that picture got a $300.00 fine for harassment. Now that picture was no longer his responsibility. It became my responsibility because it was a picture of me. He is now under double jeopardy laws regarding that. That picture is now free for the public because of that. In order to get the lawsuit dropped, I had to disclose that I consented to getting whipped and that my grandparents where not responsible for those scars everywhere that the picture existed. I also had to disclose that on facebook and Google also.

Now this is no longer a secret, now it is public information. I was very uncomfortable because of that. Now that everyone knows about it, I might as well keep sharing about it. The more I shared about it, the easier it got. People have commented and encouraged me. It led to others talking about their involvement with that also. It was turning from a curse into a blessing. My revealing the desires and fascination with getting spanked has freed me from having to keep secrets, it has helped me to accept that part of myself and not be ashamed of it. The more I posted about that, the more I was able to be at peace with who I am. I am sure it has freed others as well. This is another example of how God can take bad things that happen to us and turn it around for good. Had that picture never been posted on the internet, everything would still be a secret and I would have never got to a point where I was able to accept myself for who I am.

For all those who have supported me through that time when that picture was being posted and those who encouraged me when I had to publicly disclose that, I would like to thank you greatly. I would have never got through that without you. Thank all of you for supporting me through that. I would have never been set free if it were not for you.

Rodney Calmes

The Importance Of Accepting Yourself As Essential For Healing From Abuse Or Bullying Issues

The Importance Of Accepting Yourself As Essential For Healing From Abuse Or Bullying Issues

I have talked about in previous posts about the emotional healing from abuse and bullying. This involves accepting what happened and coming out of denial, accepting what happened to you was wrong, forgiving your abusers and bullies, and trusting God and that He will work all things for good Romans 8:28-30, this includes the abuse and bullying you went through.

There is more to healing than just the emotional healing. Childhood abuse and bullying has programmed the brain which makes up who we are. Our personalities, likes and dislikes, what makes us happy and what makes us sad is effected by the abuse and bullying. We have to unlearn all things that are wrong and unhealthy and relearn what is right and good. This is a life long process. I had to go through that and I am still going through that process day by day. I have learned a lot by reading the Bible and that has taught me to see myself how God sees me and that God created me for who I am. What God created is good, that includes you and me. It took a long time for me to learn that. I am still learning things and growing as a person day by day. This is very essential. You cannot go on thinking of yourself as being worthless or useless because that will destroy you.

If you have accepted Jesus Christ, you are a new creation, you are cleansed of all sin. You are beautiful. God can use you to do great things. It took a long time for me to unlearn that I was useless and worthless to learn that God can use me to do great things. Another essential part of our healing is accepting ourselves and accepting who we are and who God created us to be. Even though our environment and upbringing has a lot to do with who we are and the way we think, feel, what we like and what we don't like, that is all a part of us. I was ashamed of having desires and fascinations with spankings for many years and I could not accept that about myself. I had a hard time accepting my sensitivity to other people's sadnesses and hurts, because I am more sensitive to that than the average person. I struggled for many years even after having emotional healing from the abuse and bullying I went through with accepting myself for who I am.

I have very recently accepted myself and learned to embrace who I am and what I liked no matter how different it is. I have learned to accept my differences and not be ashamed of them. This is essential to having peace and being able to grow as a person. If those differences involves sin, repent and confess that to God and He will work out all sin issues in your life. God has helped me with a lot of sin issues and He changed me from them. The things about myself that are not sin issues, God left them to be a part of me, even if I did not like those parts about myself.

If you are struggling with accepting your differences whether those differences came from the abuse you went through or not, I will pray for you. If you struggle with sin, I will pray for you also. I will not judge you. I will be here to love you and support you any way I can.

God bless you,
Rodney Calmes

Abusive Spankings Are Resented Along With Its Side Effects

Abusive Spankings Are Resented Along With Its Side Effects.

I have taken many spankings and whippings in my life. Many of them were abusive, many of them were not as severe but used for punishment, many of them were done as playing around or birthday spankings, and many of them were either done by myself or I consented to as an adult. I received many spankings for things I did wrong. I received many spankings for things that I had no idea what I did to get them. I received many spankings for not catching on to things. I also received some spankings for incidental things that I had no control over. I resented all spankings I got as a child that involved hardwood sticks. I resented having to pull my pants down to get spanked (stick or no stick). I resented getting spanked for not catching on to things. I resented getting spanked for things that I did not know any better on. I resented getting spanked for incidental things or things I had no control over. I did not resent my birthday spankings or any other playful spankings. I did not resent the spankings and whippings that I consented to even though they left a lot of huge scars and were more severe than the spankings I took as a child.

I resented having desires and fascinations with spankings that I had since I was 8 because my abusive childhood spankings have triggered that. I resented myself as a person because I knew that my abusive childhood spankings had a lot to do with who I am today. I was ashamed of who I am and I was ashamed of having those desires. I didn't resent the actual spankings I consented to, but I resented having the desires of it. I have asked God to take my desires and fascinations with getting spanked away from me. I researched the Bible very thoroughly. I looked for a reason that it was a sin. I could not find anything in the Bible about that. God never took that away from me. I asked Him and plead with Him many times about that and nothing changed. It was this very thing that has taught me to accept myself for who I am. This taught me to embrace who I am as long as the Bible does not call it a sin. Sharing this has helped me to accept myself for who I am. This is why I have made a lot of posts about this. I am now much more at peace about who I am and my desires and fascination with spankings. I am no longer ashamed of this. I have no reason to be ashamed of this.

If you have any struggles with who you are, I will pray for you. If you have any struggles with sin, I will not condemn you, but pray for you. Embrace who you are. Embrace what you like as long as it is not sinful. Don't be ashamed of who you are or who God created you to be, repent of any known sin. God will help you with any sin issues, but God may not change who you are if it is not a sin issue. Accept who you are and accept yourself. God created you as a beautiful person.

Rodney Calmes

My Background Which Lead To My Fascination And Desires Of Getting Spanked

My Background Which Lead To My Fascination And Desires Of Getting Spanked

Many of my childhood spankings bring back bad memories. I have been severely spanked with sticks even on my bare butt. Those are the kind that bring the worst memories. I was a child and I never consented to that. I was spanked like that by my grandparents when I was 4-5 years old. After my grandparents, I had a step dad who spanked me with a stick. Sometimes it was bare butt. My last bare butt spanking was at age 7. None of those were good memories for me. When I was spanked on my bare butt at age 7, as I was bent over and was made to pull my pants down, the adrenaline started to rush and I started to shake. I took my spanking with a 1x2 stick and I felt endorphins running through me as I felt each swat and the cracking noise was as loud as a firecracker. I was in the basement at that time and the neighbor kids heard it loudly from outside and asked what happened. I told them and they told me that their dad does that to them. I have taken more severe spankings from my grandparents, but I don't recall having the adrenaline and endorphins running through me during those times. I do remember getting hit hard enough with the stick that instead of feeling a stinging, my butt felt like it was getting electric shocks. I know that a wooden stick will not carry current. I have been spanked with sticks by my step dad many times. My step dad only physically made me pull my pants down once. That was the spanking I took at age 7. I have taken a bare butt spanking with a stick when I was 5 by my step dad when I flushed my underwear down the toilet and I was already naked. After age 7, I was never spanked with a stick again until I was 10, most of my spankings in that time period was open hand. My mother addressed it at that time when I was 7. At age 10, I had behavior problems and the spanking with a stick was the last resort and I had 2 spankings at age 10. From 8 to 10, I mainly got spanked with an open hand with only a few swats. I was also spanked nearly daily in school with an open hand for misbehaving from age 6-9. I was a trouble maker in school.

I did not resent the open hand spankings I got. I only resented the spankings I got with 1x2 sticks, and I resented having to pull my pants down and exposing my butt to get spanked, I felt violated by that and it was an invasion of my privacy and very degrading. Spankings were not only used as a form of punishment when I was growing up, but they were also used as a form of play. Birthday spankings was a big family tradition. My birthday landed on July 7. We were always up at my uncle's resort for the 4th of July week, so I would get birthday spankings from all my family and relatives that were there. They may have gotten carried away and spanked a little harder than they should have, but I had no problems with it and I had fun with that. I knew it was play and I would laugh along with everyone else when I got my spankings. My step dad meant well for what he grew up with. There were a lot of times we wrestled around with each other in the form of play and I would get spanked. That spanking was meant as play and I never had any hard feelings about that. I had fun with that also. There were games I have played with other kids and if I lost, I had to go through the spanking machine where they lined up and I had to crawl under them between their legs and get spanked. The faster I went, the less I got spanked, the slower I went, the more spankings I took. I lost most of the time and I never rushed going through the spanking machine. I was 10 when this first started and it ended when I was 11 just about 12. I will never forget the adrenaline and endorphins that ran through me on that bare butt spanking I took when I was 7. From that point forward, I started to have a fascination with being spanked. I figured that it was this event that triggered my fascination with spankings. A lot of my fascination with spankings was also curiosity driven to see what happens as the number of swats increase along with the progression of the permanent skin changes that occur with being spanked on a regular basis for periods of time.

Rodney Calmes

Listening And Praying Is More Important Than Being A Solution To Their Problems

Listening And Praying Is More Important Than Being A Solution To Their Problems Many times people come to us with very difficult and hurtful situations in their lives. If you have no clue as to what they are going through, that is ok. They come to you because they want someone just to listen and pray for them. Sometimes that is all we can do. Saying to someone "I know what you are going through", or "I feel for you" does not do any good when you have never been through their situation yourself, that is very ineffective. Never tell someone that God will work out their bad situations for good without sharing a testimony of a situation you faced. You can share some bad things you have gone through and give a testimony of how God got you through it or how God worked out even the worst things in your life for the overall good. I have shared my testimony many times on my pages and groups. I have also shared that to people who are going through difficult times. This would be an indirect way and effective way of telling them that God will get them through it. If you don't have a clue on how to solve their problems, don't try to drum up solutions that most of the time does not work. It is more important just to listen to them, love them, and pray for them. Listening, loving and praying means the most to them. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Non-Sexual Masochism/Non-Sexual BDSM

Non-Sexual Masochism/Non-Sexual BDSM

Many people have heard of sexual masochism or sexual BDSM.  BDSM is not always about sex.  BDSM involves being intrigued by pain, bondage, or discipline.  It has various types of role playing.  It can be an art. Each person likes different things.  Some like humiliation, some like bondage or prison scene.  Some like pain in various areas.  Some like the common practice of disciplines and corporal punishment.

I have practiced BDSM and I like to get spanked.  I like the sensations of my butt maxing out in pain then turning numb during a paddling.  I like how my butt turns red, then dark red, then purple,  then blood seeping through the pores of the skin and then it is black.  This happens when you are new to being spanked.  The more often you get spanked,  the less color the butt shows. Eventually after a good paddling,  I will turn a light red before blood seeps through the pores of the skin.  

I also like the sensations of the stick hitting my butt or the whip cutting through the skin.  I have been whipped with a metal cane and left deep scars on my butt.  I often look at the scars and I am very intrigued by that.  It is like a fine work of art.  I also like the sensations of raw wood across my butt, even if it is just lightly rubbing.  I also like very hard spankings with sticks. 

I like the sensations of my butt wiggling like jello when being spanked with paddles.  I also like the residual soreness and the swelling after the spanking. 

I often look at my butt after getting spanked or whipped and I like the damage it has done.  I am also intrigued by watching the healing process.  Most of this is curiosity driven.  I also like to know how many swats I got. 

My ideal setting when being spanked is an authority figure that is female with female bystanders and me the one who misbehaved.  This can be officer/criminal,  teacher/student,  nurse/patient or boss/employee, etc. I also like to be spanked in large auditoriums packed with people as well.  All my spankings are bare butt.  Bare butt is the only way I like it.

I like all of these things mentioned above I like even when I am not in a sexual mood.  Most of the time it is curiosity driven.  90 percent of the time,  sex is not involved and many times it has no sexual effect.  I just like it. 

Rodney Calmes

False Teachings In The Church That Has Lead To Much Evil

False Teachings In The Church That Has Lead To Much Evil

1. Beating wives into submission. Read Ephesians 5:22-33 very closely. This talks about husbands loving the wife like Christ loves the church. Christ gave Himself for the church. The husband ought to look after his wife and protect, provide, care for her needs and do what is best for her and the wife ought to submit to that so the husband can accomplish that job. Nothing is meantioned in the Bible about beating the wives. Beating your wife would violate Ephesians 5:22-33.

2. Beating children with harsh instruments. I have talked about this in my past posts. Study your Hebrew and you will never find anything in the Bible about using harsh, damaging instruments. "Rod" in Hebrew is a fresh new growth off a branch which gives a sting but does no harm.

3. Shedding blood on children. Looking at Proverbs, Ephesians 6:1-4, Colossians 3:21, and Luke 12:47-48. Combining these together, you will not shed blood. Hebrews 9-10. It is the blood of Jesus that paid for all sin. There is no more any sacrifice needed for sin.

4. Blood penances. See point 3. Blood penances were given since medieval times up until early 20th century. This included spanking until the butt bleeds, whipping backs bloody, and walking on stony surfaces on the knees until the knees bled. People were walking on bloody knees to bring upon the apparition of Mary in 1999.

These types of sacrifices are not necessary when Jesus paid it all. In the history of the church, the things mentioned above (beating wives, beating children with blunt and harsh instruments, shedding blood on children, and blood penances) were practiced for centuries in the church. Some churches practice one or more of these things today, including Muslims and Mormons along with some others.

Rodney Calmes

Self Harm And BDSM Has Their Differences

Self Harm And BDSM Has Their Differences Sometimes the same physical things happen during self harm and masochism. There is a distinct difference. There is two types of masochism (sexual and non-sexual). Self harm involves fighting emotional pain, or doing something to yourself because you feel that you deserve it, or feeling that you are worthless so you feel that getting hurt serves you right and you do something to hurt yourself. Masochism involves inflicting pain on yourself because you like it or you are intrigued with it. It does not have to be sexual, but it can be. Spanking is a very common activity for both self harm, non-sexual masochism and sexual masochism. The same physical thing is being done, but there is a difference. I will show examples of that. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a stick until skin is broken because I have a habit of driving too fast and I need to punish myself for that. This is self harm. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a stick or whip until skin is broken because I like the sensations of that stick or whip hitting my butt and I like to see the damage that gets done. I am very intrigued by that. I was not in a sexual mood and nothing sexual happened. There was no intention for anything sexual. I just like getting spanked. This is an example of non sexual masochism. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a stick or whip until skin is broken because my grandparents used to treat me like that. Things don't seem right if I am not getting spanked like that. I feel that I need it. It is not normal for me not to get hurt. Spanking is normal for me and something seems wrong if I go a day without getting spanked. This is self harm. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a stick or whip or large paddle because I like to see how much pain I can feel and I like the sensations of my butt getting numb from that. After my butt numbs, I like the sounds of that loud crack of the stick or paddle hitting my bare butt. I also like the sounds of the whip making a loud whistle through the air before hitting my butt. Nothing sexual happened. I am intrigued by the sensations and the sounds. This is non sexual masochism. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a stick because I have much emotional pain and I need some adrenaline and endorphins to help me feel better. My moods are lifted for a while, then the emotional pain creeps back, so I do it again. This is self harm. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a hand, stick, paddle or whip because I like the sensations of my butt wiggling like jello when it gets hit. Nothing sexual happened or intended to happen. This is non sexual masochism. I spank myself or have someone spank me with a harsh, damaging object because I feel that I am worthless and it is not right for something better to happen to me. This is self harm. I spank myself or have someone spank me because I get sexually turned on by that. I either get sexually turned on by the sensations or pain or by the damage done to my butt. That is sexual masochism. I, myself have been involved with all of the above. Rodney Calmes Sent from Catch Notes for Android https://catch.com

Your Uniqueness Is What Makes You Beautiful

You are all unique. Embrace in your uniqueness and embrace in your differences. Your uniqueness and differences is how God created you. Want God created is good, that includes you. Your uniqueness and differences is what makes you a beautiful person.

Rodney Calmes