My Story on Cyber Bullying by Rodney Calmes
About 2 years ago, someone took a picture of my scarred bottom, then exaggerated the scars with doing picture editing, then opened many accounts in my name and posted the picture. This person put it on Google, My Space, Twitter, and Facebook. I tried to block it and spent countless hours trying to stop what he was doing, and failed. That picture reache...d all my friends and old classmates that I had. My classmates were the main target, but some church friends got hit with that too. I ended up burning myself out trying to stop this madness, neglecting other things that needed to be done to try to stop this person, to find my efforts were in vain, and this person was unstoppable.
I reported this to the police, and the person got a $300.00 fine for harassment. The police told me that they could have got him for more if it was frontal nudity, but backside is legal in Wisconsin as long as the genitals were covered. They also told me that they cannot make the person erase it because once it is on the internet, that person may not have any control of it after, so it is now public information. I was advised by the police to file a civil suit, but it would cost me money and I would get nothing out of it from a person who does not have a job and cannot keep a job. I have spent hours trying to report abuse on the picture on many sites and nothing got erased. The trick I found is to go to those accounts and open an account in my name and report abuse on the other account that was made in my name telling them that they used my name falsely, then a lot of bad things got erased. The picture still exists under “Adrienne Calmes”, and it appears in some other areas where I have no control over. I cannot claim “Adrienne Calmes” was my name used falsely, because that is not my name and it remains.
I have shared my story of the abuse and bullying I lived with growing up, but when someone put that picture and my story together, it makes it look like my grandparents were responsible for all the scars, so I had to reveal my involvement in BDSM and my self destructive behaviors so that the all the responsibility does not fall on my grandparents. I did take some severe spankings from them, but they are not responsible for all the scars on my bottom. I was told by a lawyer that if I let my story remain and the picture remains on other sites and someone sees them both, it could be misleading and to avoid a lawsuit against me, I had to reveal some secrets that I did not feel comfortable revealing, and some others may not have been comfortable with that either. That was my involvement with BDSM and my liking to get spanked and whipped. Had that picture not been posted, I would not have had to share that part of me. It was not easy for me to do.
A lot of the cyber bullying and my efforts trying to stop it has overwhelmed me and caused me to go into a depression along with being overloaded with the responsibilities of holding the church together. I felt that I could not face anyone. I felt that I could never go to another class reunion. I was able to alert the people in my church so that they knew what was going on. I was at least able to face them, because they have known me for a long time. I did the best I could to alert others, when it was going on and I detected it. Many people have friended that other person and I believe no harm was meant by those who friended the other person. Some have unfriended me, but I do not blame them if they did not know was going on.
The blessing that came with this in the end: Some of my classmates stuck by my side and seen me for who I was and looked past that. Some have greatly encouraged me and fought for me through this. They could have thought less of me, but they did not. I could never make it up to those classmates for what they did for me. I have learned that proven character sticks for a long time and when a person has proven character, it can weather the bad things. I now feel that I can go to class reunions, and face others. My involvement with BDSM is no longer a secret that I have to carry and I have been freed from all secrets. I was able to turn a curse into a message, and some people were blessed by that. It may have offended some people, but I am now free from all secrets, and I no longer have to hide who I am. I have also found that many will still accept me even after all my secrets have been revealed and I now feel more blessed that people can accept me for who I am rather than being afraid of being rejected if someone finds out my secrets. Even some of the worst things, God can turn into a blessing. I have also learned that I do not have to be ashamed of who I am, but I can now embrace who I am.
Rodney Calmes
